DD anxious about sleeping

[onetwothreenc]

I'm really at a loss at how to support my daughter. She's 12 months and just seems SO anxious about sleeping.

She gets very upset around bedtime when I'm trying to get her ready. Getting into bed (we co-sleep) she is determined to keep climbing all over the bed and won't lie down. It's not that she's not tired I know that for certain, and even if she almost falls asleep breastfeeding, she'll wake herself back up again. It usually takes anything up to an hour to get her down and it always involves crying when I have keep her lying down. Then she will wake, crying, at least every hour and more so if I don't stay in bed with her.

Naps she will often go off quickly if we contact nap and feed to sleep, but she will not stay asleep longer than 30 minutes without being immediately put back on the boob. When she goes to GP's, she'll only sleep 20 minutes if she goes out in the pram.

I looked into the Batelle sleep school on some advice of another mum and they believe she has anxiety around sleep and is why she wakes so often/so upset and why she doesn't want to sleep, and it made a lot of sense with how she behaves.

I don't know how to support her further ☹️ she is a very sensitive child (physically and emotionally) and experiences a lot of separation anxiety. I feel really sorry for her but also some concern about the amount of sleep she gets on days that she's not with me.

Sounds very much like my DD at that age. I would seriously think about moving her into her own room.

Sleep with the sheets for a couple of days first so that the cot smells the same as your bed and introduce a light & sound show thing to help her to stay asleep.

She sounds like a very, very overtired baby right now. I'd also have a read of the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers & Preschoolers.

I'm really not sure her sleeping alone will help, she is more disturbed in the time before I go to bed than she is when I'm there so being in her own room will only make that worse/her more anxious I think?

I don't think she's particularly overtired, the same reaction happens regardless of how soon into her last wake window we are (this varies depending on whether she has a 1 or 2 nap day, which I'm lead by her on). Her 1 nap days she ends up cumulatively sleeping about 2 hours longer so she has some days where she 'catches up' on the lower days.

I just want her to feel safe and secure when she sleeps.

At 12 months definitely time to move her out to her own room. Most babies fuss at bed time.

Personally I would choose a routine and start to stick to it now, given she is developed enough to have a structured day. Make a choice on one or two naps and then reset your bed time routine, be consistent.

Moving into solo sleeping has mixed results but it's sounds like you are more anxious about it than she is potentially. You don't know unless you try. Especially if you are coming and going before actually getting into bed with her, she doesn't know what to expect and may keep waking to check if you're there.

Routine and consistency is critical, so they learn what's to expect and minimise anxiety or uncertainty that they have to process.

I'm not sure she is scared tbh, I think if you're BFing and she's active she's just waking up a lot because you're there.

I moved both of mine into there own rooms around this age and they went to sleep easier and slept for longer.

If it doesn't work, you could always move her back?

Routine doesn't work for us though because she is too unpredictable, always has been. I get her up at the same time every morning, sometimes she's very obviously tired by 2.5 hours later and other times she's no where near ready. I've tried napping her at the same interval and if she's not tired enough she just won't sleep, or if she is then how long she sleeps is completely hit and miss. Then that throws the rest of the day off and before you know it, every day ends up being different.

Believe me I'm supposed to be working and so I've tried following all the guides on keeping a routine and it just doesn't happen because of uncontrollable factors.

At 12 months I'd be aiming for one nap around lunchtime. Some people still do two but one worked well with mine. When you say you're working, who's looking after DD?

I can just about stretch her to 1 nap on some days, but if she's not had enough/quality sleep the night before it's impossible - she'll start getting very upset and frustrated mid morning.

She goes to GP's one half day a week, DP has her for the odd afternoon when he's not working and otherwise if I can't get any work done in the evening, I just don't do it.

I can just about stretch her to 1 nap on some days, but if she's not had enough/quality sleep the night before it's impossible - she'll start getting very upset and frustrated mid morning

I think the trick is not to be at home? So try playgroups, friends houses, the park, music groups or swimming. Anything to keep her busy so she will nap better

Have you tried white noise, so she associates the noise with going to sleep?

We already do groups, swimming, etc at much as can be afforded. They're at times that only make her more tired before lunchtime though (starting between 9-10). The park isn't really an option as she's not walking yet so is stuck in the pushchair. Being worn out doesn't equal better sleep for her though.

I know it sounds like I'm being difficult but I wish that was the case and it wasn't that she is just atypical.

She's had white noise playing all sleep time, all her life. She does know what it means but it doesn't actually impact anything.

They're at times that only make her more tired before lunchtime though (starting between 9-10).

I'd often let my DD sleep if she was really tired or had been super busy then give her lunch.

DS was different because he wouldn't sleep if he hadn't eaten a huge amount

Oh no I don't mean lunchtime as in because of food, I mean if aiming for one nap then she would need to wait until lunchtime to start it which if she's had a busy morning (and sometimes if she hasn't), she won't make it that far.