Setting boundaries about baby

[Firsttimemum1203]

I have a 1 year old. I’m super close with one of my family members but lately I’ve felt a bit suffocated by her obsession with my baby.
She sees me and baby at least once a week and has a lovely bond with him.
However some things that annoy me:
•it feels like she only wants to come over to see my baby and if he’s not here she won’t bother
•she constantly plays with his hair even after I’ve mentioned not to (I don’t like it because it’s damaging for hair as it strips the natural oils)
•the other night she came over to mine a bit later than usual and my baby was already in bed. I told her this and she said ‘can I go in and see him even though he’s sleeping?’ I said no because I’d just put him down and didn’t want to risk waking him but she seemed annoyed about it.

I’m a first time mum so maybe I am being precious? Or would this annoy any one else?

Playing with hair doesn't strip the oils. Personally I'd have just said to wait until he was properly asleep before going up. Maybe doney see her so often if she's irritating you?

I would love to have a family member who bothered with my dc...

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor It does actually. Especially since my son has curly hair, it can cause breakage and make it frizzy that’s why I’d rather people leave it alone.
Thanku for suggesting the sleep comment tho, I didn’t think of that. And like I said we are super close so I want to maintain a relationship, I just feel like things have changed since I’ve had a baby.

@Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon I’m sorry you don’t have that! I’m sure your dc are very lucky to have u tho.

I think many people would like a friend who is so involved and caring. I think it is a first time mum think to get wound up about little things and I would have thought the same with my first.

Why do you think that she has an obsession with your child?

If you dont like the hair thing just say it in a non-confrontational manner.

Not wanting to see you if your baby isn’t there is pretty rude. Did you used to see her every week before?

Not sure about the hair thing but I’ll take your word for it. If you don’t like it be firm she isn’t to do it.

It does sound stifling, see less of her if that would make things feel more manageable.

The hair thing is precious. It really doesn't matter if your one year old has slightly frizzy hair!

The rest just sounds like she loves your baby and you're feeling a little pushed out. Why don't you make plans to see her just the two of you? Leave the baby at home and go out and do whatever you did together pre-baby.

Maybe because she is close to you, she hopes to develop a bond with the baby in an 'auntie' type relationship? Go ahead and let her get her cuddles in, but don't let her interrupt your schedules.

The hair twirling wouldn't bother me, kissing too much would, though. Take a deep breath and make sure you get a good visit in with her, not just her playing with the baby.

The hair thing is a bit precious (you asked) but if you feel suffocated then tell her. But don't mention the hair