Husband is devastated yet I’m not

[majormumma]

We have two children, 5 and 2 later this year.. Last week after a mishap I found out I was pregnant and my husband was overjoyed. It seems that since then I’m having a very early miscarriage (awaiting confirmation but my gut tells me I’m no longer pregnant) and as much as I know how hard this can be for some women, I feel a sense of relief in some way - my DH is gutted.

We currently live in a very small flat, my husband earns an OK salary but not enough to go on holidays (I know I’m not alone!) or save to buy a bigger place.

Our lives right now are ruled by money, saving on the food shop, him working overtime to make ends meet.

I feel like I’m just getting me back, I’m starting a new job this month after being a SAHM for 6 months and I'm so looking forward to having more money and enjoying our family.

We have had an argument tonight because of how opposed we feel about the situation. All I would like is to not be scrimping, have a bigger place and then I think I would love another baby. I feel heartless and I know that for some women all they want is another baby so being in my position I feel like I’m almost ungrateful for feeling that a baby right now is going to add more financial stress alongside obviously the practicalities of bringing a new life into this world.

Every child is a blessing and I know you can’t plan life, but in this case I just want to go into a situation with fewer reservations. Emotions are running high and I’ve come here as I feel very alone in my thoughts.

You feel how you feel. There's no right or wrong.

It must be difficult for both of you when you feel so differently about it. I don't think there is much to do other than accept you each feel differently and you're each struggling in your own way. You need to be kind to each other.

You are being very sensible.
Unfortunately not every chid IS a blessing

Your husband has the right to feel how he feels, as do you. I highly suggest you figure out contraception so you don't find yourself in this position again unless you want to be pregnant. In my opinion, you having another baby would not be the responsible thing to do. You have two existing children you need to provide for and money and space is very tight. Having a miscarriage is not always a tragedy, and your husband doesn't have to agree with that.

It’s not very fair him pushing his feelings onto you. He doesn’t have to go through anything physical so is being quite selfish

You are being reasonable and mature in your thinking and I don't think your husband is wrong for being upset either however he doesn't get to be rude or accusational about your feelings either.

If you have indeed had a miscarriage I would make sure to double up in contraceptives and have a discussion about being in a better financial position before ttc again if that's what you want op.