How to help a child with low self esteem?

[Daijoubudesu]

It's always noted by teachers that whilst DD9 speaks up in class, has a good group of friends, well liked, above average student she is quite reserved, lacks confidence and is a worrier. She is diagnosed as mildly dyslexic. All the advice has been to get her into clubs, support her interests etc and she will gain a great deal of confidence.

She currently goes to weekly percussion lessons at school, drama club and gymnastics. She loves to sing and dance but outright refuses to join those types of clubs. Most of the time she goes to these clubs with no problem and seems to enjoy them. Then all of a sudden I pick her up crying she hates the club, wants to be pulled out and she gets into a real negative spiral of thinking. There's been nothing really different happen at the club, no harsh criticism or anything like that. Do I raise it with her coaches or try different clubs? How can I help her?

I think firstly, embrace who she is. There's nothing wrong with being reserved as long as you can speak up in class and have a good social group, which she does. She doesn't need to be sent to loads of clubs to make her an outgoing Annie. She's quiet and that's fine.

It's also ok to be a worrier as long as it doesn't start to get out of hand. Let her know it's ok to feel hesitant about something or to think through the possible outcomes of something, it's all fine as long as she gives it a go anyway. If being a bit of a worrier is in her nature then that's fine. You could encourage her to keep a journal or diary as writing things down often helps, particularly if you can look back after an event and realise that most or all of the worries you had never came to pass.

Lack of confidence needs to be addressed, but is she actually lacking in confidence or is she just a quiet child who worries a bit? If she's genuinely lacking confidence then praise her up for who she is and the things she does (not what she achieves, but the effort she puts in). Give her ownership and responsibility in her life, show her how capable she is.