Advice for 2 under 2 life... Not coping 😭

[Didi1345]

DS1 is 16 months and DS2 is 2 months. I'm struggling to get out and recently DS1 is having more screen time (roughly an hour) and I feel awful about it. I'm great at entertaining him at home and the screen time is mostly when I'm trying to cook/bf baby/mentally overloaded.

I just want to ask for everyone's advice on where you went out with your 2 kids and how did you make it easier for yourself. I feel like I'm always feeding baby and it's hard to supervise DS1 when we are out because of that.

Also an update - I don't have any friends or family nearby so that makes it tough too.

An hour is nothing!! Do what you can to get through the baby days and don't feel guilty.

2 under 2 is really hard so give yourself a break.

Have you got a double buggy so you can pop them in and get out for fresh air? Or a sling for baby and hands free for toddler?

Do you have a playpen?
I had a large BabyDan play pen set up as a safe zone for toddler when I couldn't keep my eye on him (using the loo, cooking, getting baby to sleep etc ).
Also somewhere you can quickly and safely put baby in each room, for when toddler needs you.
It is a difficult stage. Make the most of baby's naps to give toddler attention, and let a few things slip to make your own life as easy as possible.
I put a lot of effort into making their naps align so I could sleep at the same time.
Do you have a DP? Are they pulling their weight?

I had a 12 month age gap.
My random bits of advice...
Playgroups- they are safe for eldest.
Double buggy.
Only aim for one "job" per day, eg dishwasher.
Baby wear if out. Also big woodland areas are your friend. Parks not so much.
Keep your morning routine strict and aim to be out by ten - even if only for a 15 minute walk.

Definitely try to get out for walks as much as possible. I know it's a hassle getting everyone out the door and initially it might just be out for 10 minutes at a time but the fresh air will help your toddler release some energy and hopefully baby will sleep. I took my toddler to one toddler group when my baby was that age. Getting out to just one thing on time each week felt like such an achievement! It was an enclosed, safe space so my eldest could run around and play even if I had to feed or change baby.
The supermarket was also an easyish outing. Especially with the trolleys that can sit a baby and toddler. If you have a library nearby you could also try that. Keep baby in car seat and hopefully they will sleep. As they got older I'd take a blanket to out on the floor and they could lie on it with a few toys while I gave my toddler some attention. The librarians were really nice and helpful too.
Don't worry about screen time. Do what you have got to do for now. I'd say the first 6 months is mostly about survival but then it definitely gets easier.
I loved having people visit. They were mostly coming to meet the baby but it helped entertain my toddler. They would either play with my eldest and give them some special attention or they could cuddle the baby so I could give toddler my uninterrupted time. Try to do as little housework as possible, somethings got to give,and for me I lowered my standards quite a bit. In the first months I tended to make our large meal at lunchtime then have something smaller and quicker at dinner. Late afternoon/early evening was not a good time to be prepping a meal with a hungry, tired toddler and a baby at witching hour.
Good luck! You are doing a great job and you children adore you!

Thank you so much for your replies it means a lot to me. Today was a particularly hard day (feeling under the weather) but it's almost done now and I'll just keep plodding along. I'll get out, I'm sure I will and it will become my new norm.

Mate when mine were that age we had more than an hour of screen time 🙈

i used a playpen for the big one , used a play gym for the little one

a schedule of naps and meals that I normally didn’t change and split the day up

one outing a day in the double buggy somewhere easy like the park

I had a friend with similar age gap kids and we used to go to her house one morning a week for solidarity

baby group one morning (an ordeal to get everyone there but worth it for the company)

don’t put pressure on yourself to do everything well, or to enjoy every minute of if, it’s really hard and I barely coped at times

but it gets easier and when you look back on it you realise it was a special time

If your a family that likes things like stews, curry's, allsorts really then a slow cooker is your friend! Prep and throw in, leave it to cook and then witching hour (usually coincides with dinner time!) There's no sorting dinner you've already done it.

Don't worry about the housework, your in the thick of the newborn stage plus in the thick of baby transitioning to full blown toddler.

Focus on your own health, doesn't matter if baby is in the same baby grow they slept in, doesn't matter if your toddler wears odd socks (or no socks!) Just stick to basics, anywhere your toddler is safe like enclosed parks or even an empty basketball court with a ball or balance bike etc. Are easier with an energetic toddler. Go for a walk before nap time, don't worry if lunch is later than usual (my toddler won't eat lunch half the time and would rather nap!)
Going for a walk, use a double buggy or a buggy board and ask your toddler to look for birds, trees, cars, etc. Will keep their mind entertained whilst baby is asleep, chilled and your getting fresh air and a break in a way too.
If your lucky enough they are both asleep napping, lie down and watch TV, or sleep yourself if you can. Do not worry about the housework, it will get done eventually but you need as much rest as possible to have energy for 2 under 2.

If you can outsource anything or make something simple do it. Screen time is not going to ruin your toddler so if it keeps your stress levels down, baby is happy and your toddler is enjoying some downtime with a screen for a short while it's really not that bad.