Wanting more than one but changing mind..

[Barb83]

Anyone who wanted more kids but changed their mind after one?
i have a one year old. I do have step kids so my LO does have siblings.

DH and I had originally decided it would be nice to have two little ones since the gap between baby and older kids is 10 years. We hadn’t planned such a big gap but it took a long time and some loss along the way…
however now that I have my dream baby I just can’t imagine loving another the same (which I know is silly of course). Either that or I don’t want to love another child this much? (Ok that sounds so wrong but hard to explain)
I do love my step kids but having my own baby is a whole other level Of love I never experienced before. So I don’t know if that is affecting my decision no to have more as maybe I am comparing it to my love for my step kids (who are great by the way, and baby is so lucky to have them!)
but also the fact it took so long with heartache along the way - do I really want to go through that again?! I don’t want to be emotional
or stressed and take away from time with baby etc.
but I just keep going back to I can’t imagine loving another being like this. But obviously i will if I have another, but I guess I would feel guilty to share my love for LO with another?!
i know I probab Sound crazy/- and I know it’s possibpe to love all your kids of course. So I’m trying not to say the wrong thing here. I have many siblings and of courser we are all loved etc.
DH is happy to go along with what I decide lol. But I think I’m happy with the one. I really do. And it’s not because if find my baby difficult, my baby is so easy!

just wondering what people think about this?
anyone wanted more but then changed their mind? I’m getting old and don’t want to regret anything lol. But money is tight too…
soemtimes it’s hard to know if I really don’t want more or I’m trying to justify practical reasons of not having more…

I totally see where you're coming from. I used to think I wanted 2 or 3 kids, but now I'm pregnant with my first, and I'm so happy to be, I think I'll only want one. My partner has a daughter already so our child will have an older sibling. Who knows, I might change my mind in a few years!

I originally wanted 2 or 3, but for a multitude of reasons, my husband and I decided to stop at 1 after our daughter was about 1 and a bit, although she was definitely a tricky and grumpy baby, so we hadn't really even entertained the idea before then..! No regrets at all, my daughter is now 4, delightful, and we absolutely love being a family of 3, so it was 100% the right decision for us. Luckily we never had any pressure from family or friends regarding another, so that has made things easier. Good luck with whatever you decide 😊

I felt like this. We had another "by accident"-or so I told myself at the time-I don't actually believe it was, really! And I am so glad we did. It is entirely possible to love another one as much-and there's the wonderful addition of watching and nurturing their relationship with each other. I cherish the memory of the day my older child said "we"-and meant herself and her younger brother, rather than herself and me. They are young adults now, and still "have each other's backs." It's lovely to see. All other things being equal, i would always say go for another.

I wanted 2-3 but stopped after 1. The first one caused so much physical damage that I couldn’t put myself through it again. I felt like my body was messed up enough without making it worse. In fact I was literally terrified of getting pregnant again.

You will definitely have a better life with just one child. More money, more able to afford things. More time for yourself. More chance of being able to work and have a career. Easier to juggle everything.

We decided we would like two close together, I was pregnant when DS1 was a year old. So we had two under two. When I was pregnant with DS2 I did start to think perhaps we should have a third. But DS2 arrival put pay to that idea! He wasn’t the chilled, contented baby his brother was. Nothing on earth would have tempted me into a having a third. Really pleased we had two though, my two are grown up now 21 & 20 and really are best friends.

You don't sound crazy at all - I completely understand!! Thought we'd have 2, do the small age gap so they were close etc but oh my days I cannot imagine NOT spending all my time with/on our 8 month old. Absolute light of my life ♥️ one of my best friends was pregnant at the same time as me and suffered her 3rd MC so it really hammered home how incredibly lucky we were to have had a successful pregnancy.

Buuuut on the other side I don't want my LO to be lonely sibling wise (v lucky to have plenty of family and friends nearby so LO will never be alone) if/when something happens to me and my DH, and if I'd known we wouldn't try again for a second would I have done things differently in pregnancy like appreciated it more because I wasn't going to do it again etc? Even the hospital appointments/scans, would I have looked at these differently? In a weird way I do actually miss the MW appointments!

My DH is in the same boat as me - would love another but also don't want to change what we've got. Think only time will tell. Whatever you decide will be right for your family, and there will be as many 'for' arguments as there are 'against' for both x

I never really had a set idea of how many I'd like but now I have ds I feel utterly complete. Occasionally I get a bit broody but it's more broody for him as a baby, rather than another baby (if that makes sense?) Maybe it's just nostalgia? He's been such an easy child and parenting him has been such a joy from day one that I'm not sure we could ever be so lucky again! Why take the risk? Also from a selfish point of view I managed to come through the first pregnancy/birth with no birth injuries and I'm not sure I want to gamble with that again when we are so happy as a family of 3!

Aw thanks all for making me feel less crazy lol. Glad to you could all understand what I was trying to say!
it also makes sense to me that I don’t want my own baby to grow up- but in don’t want another! I just can’t imagine it lol. I thought I’d be upset if I couldn’t ever have another but now I just feel so complete and at peace. :)
l.

@MrFlibblesEyes I feel very similar to you both.

I always knew without a doubt that I wanted a baby, and was lucky enough to my beautiful DS 18 months ago. He is the most amazing boy who we love so much. Birth was straightforward, sleep side of things fairly straightforward and overall his health has been ok luckily.

I always thought I'd have 2 children but now I really just don't know. I've found myself holding onto all his baby stuff and often think about timings for a second yet in my heart I don't know if I'm committed to it.

My husband is on the fence about it and we've both agreed to talk about it again in 6 months. My worry is I'm 35 so need to think about it seriously as I don't want to regret decision to stick with one child later on.

I'm so happy with our triangle family and it feels like we are finally getting back on our feet financially & relationship wise following DS's arrival but I guess I worry that when we're all older maybe I'll regret not having another.

I really don't know how to make peace with a decision either way- any advice would be appreciated!

@LunaDreams I think what’s helped me come to peace was thinking about so many things including what you and @MrFlibblesEyes said ie things went so well and don’t want to jinx it etc. Well my labour was horrible lol. But healthy pregnancy, healthy baby - when I was classed as geriatric lol (or advanced maternal age as they now call it 😂).

also took us a long time so I guess I tell myself I don’t want to go threw all that again - if I do and it’s not a smooth ride how will it impact on my child etc. And yes also financial side of it. I have step kids and there have been times of struggle and we have never taken them abroad etc. That for sure won’t happen for a long time … (they go with their mum so they do get to do these things). We can’t give that to my baby now, but I think one day we will! LO will only be 8 by the time the older kids are all adults and I think it will be nice to afford holidays one day!

anywyay I can’t imagine another human as perfect as my tiny human!
i know it’s a litttle but different for me as I have step kids - so my child does have siblings. But there have been times I questions my decision as the older kids are all close in age and my baby notices then leaving and really misses them when they are not around! It’s a little sad watching my little one watch them leave through the window… :(
But then I think, you have the best of both worlds, you have siblings half the week, then the perks of an only child the rest of the week!

i guess I just always try to see the other side… but I do feel pretty happy with the one…