Mum guilt is killing me

[wildonesaremine]

I babe am self employed and have recently been extremely quiet in work so have had lots of time off.

My 4yo goes to school and I pick her up every day.

My 18 mo goes to nursery 3 days a week which I have to pay for in advance so I have still been sending her just in case I ended up being busy in work. If I take her out I will lose her space.

I am looking for an employed job that fits around my children which is consuming my life, I'm so stressed that I'm not finding anything and feel so guilty for still sending my little one to nursery while I'm at home.

The whole day I try to clean and be productive but honestly the mum guilt is eating me up. I just don't know what to do. If I take her out and then im successful with a position, I would have lost her space In nursery. I try to remind myself that it's good for her to go and socialise but she is very clingy and I know she'd rather be with me.

Don't know the point in this post but been meaning to post for a while.

You will pay for her place and therefore keep it reserved if you send her or you don’t so you can always reduce the amount of time you are sending her if you wish.

I didn't work when my children were small and I still sent them to nursery 3 mornings a week, from age 2, to socialise, learn and be ready for school. My first was very clingy, and it was vital she did learn in that environment were is was acceptable to behave that way, and staff had time to help, rather than be miserable and disruptive when starting school.

It’s worth looking for Parish Clerk jobs. I work evenings/nap times in addition to three nursery mornings a week on a 24 hour contract. It’s incredibly family friendly!

You don’t have to send her in even though you are paying for the space. If you want some time at home with her then just keep her home some days.

It's okay to take time for yourself. In fact it's a great thing. But I do understand. I would feel bad and still do, getting exercise whilst my little one is at nursery. But actually nursery is very good for them. We used to live in big communities where children we're raised by the community and the parents could regain their health. And this is still practiced by many cultures.

It's just societal pressures exacerbating mum guilt.

I hope it all works out for you anyways 😊

Maybe set yourself a deadline to make a firm decision and in the meantime, don't send her in every day you're paying for?

Did you feel guilty when your business was busier? Your DD doesn't know whether you're working or not - she will have no concept. If you didn't feel the same guilt when you were busier, perhaps try and work on accepting that this is a temporary period and things will change.