DD7 doesn’t sleep through the night.

[itsmellslikepopcarn]

DD doesn’t sleep through the night and I’m bloody exhausted.

I’m a single parent, DD was a typical baby, slept through on and off and started sleeping through properly at 1 until me and her Dad split when she was 3, and she hasn’t slept through the night since.

I let her sleep with me for a long time because the split really affected her, probably about a year, and then I moved my bed into her room and got a new one to try and let her acclimate into sleeping in her own room again.

she goes to sleep okay, I need to go in at least once most nights because she doesn’t fall asleep immediately, but it’s during the night that’s the issue. Last night she woke at 11, 1 and 3, once crying out in her sleep, once because she was too hot, and the other because she needed a wee.

We have a whole bedtime routine, she doesn’t have screens for at least an hour before bed, always goes toilet before bed, has a diffuser in her room which is her nightlight and has lavender essential oil in, but she won’t sleep through.

the only time she sleeps through is if it’s half term or we’re on holiday and she’s allowed to stay up late, then she sleeps through no problem!

any advice? She’s a sensitive little girl, gets very attached to things easily, very easy to get upset so I can’t and won’t ignore her or tell her to stop shouting, I dont want her to be upset in her room alone.

Yes, I get what you’re saying but I don’t remember any of my three sleeping through. Surely getting up once to pee, or fix blankets isn’t unusual. I had a no flush rule at night, and by 4-5 expected then to get on with what they needed without bothering me too much.
it of course is easier when they are in their own bed/room.

She is in her own room now, and I suppose I don’t have anything to go off but my own childhood and I don’t ever remember waking during the night unless I was ill. friends have DC a lot younger than DD and they all sleep through no problem. Once I can handle but it’s multiple every night.

I don’t consider getting up to pee, close a window or pick up a pillow off the floor NOT sleeping through because in my mind it’s a quick. Most would happen without my knowledge (blankets pillows pjs etc)

But I do know she’s doing it because she shouts me every time and I’m going in every two hours.

So this is the piece you work on, her doing whatever independently and quietly.
no talking no lights
just like guests coming to visit. They get up, toss turn etc without sharing the details.

I would suggest to stop going in to her. Talk her through it during the day, not in a way that says she's doing anything wrong but to get her to see that she can sort these issues out herself. Too hot? Kick a leg out of the blanket. To cold? Roll up in the duvet. Need a wee? Go to the loo. I wouldn't even go in; if just shout through to tell her to sort it and go back to sleep but I can be rather snappy when I've been woken up. Over time, my dc have learned that they don't need my help to use the loo in the night.

Is she stressed at school or having any issues with friendships etc?

I’ve just spoken with her about it over breakfast, and reassured her she can do those things alone so we’ll see how that goes. Landing light is always left on so she can easily get to the toilet herself.

No issues that she’s spoken of at school and I only ever hear good things from her teachers.

How about upping the exercise she does in the evening to make her more tired? Could you have a kick around in the park or get her to join an athletics team?

I would wake at night for a wee at that age.

if she is not clearing her bowels fully that also leads to needing to see more often.

As others said. She just needs to deal with things herself. She’s just got used to turning to you.

I have a 7 yo and they get up for the loo, grab extra blankets, water etc... but they don't wake me to do this. I don't think there is anything wrong with explaining to your dd that you need your sleep too and she's only to call for you or wake you for something ‘serious’ eg if she has a nightmare. Anything else she should just get on with without waking you. My 7 yo has a fan in their room incase they get hot, extra covers in case they get cold, fresh water in a water bottle by their bed and the bathroom is next door and they have a nightlight so they can see if they need to get up.

So I don't think your dd’s wakings are an issue, it's her including you in them that's the problem. I think as long as she knows you’ll always be there for her if she feel scared or upset, than she should hopefully feel confident enough to do the basic stuff independently, without waking you.

I think you need to talk to her about the importance of your sleep and being able to do your job. You need to relate it to something she would understand. I would say you wouldn't like it if your teacher was so tired that they fell asleep at their desk and you missed your play time because he/she was asleep and didn't tell you it was time to play out. Or the kitchen staff were too tired to make all the lunches for the children. That sort of thing.

She needs to become more self reliant and talk through things like being too hot. Don't tell her what to do, ask her how she thinks she should deal with that? Tell her that you are always there for her but you also need your sleep for your job and because you don't want to be too tired to play with her.

Thank you everyone, great advice. She has blankets at the end of her bed, water and a nightlight so it definitely seems like she’s just got used to getting me involved. I’ve spoken with her this morning and got her to see she can do those things alone but if she has a nightmare or is upset, she can shout me.

I’ve tried various clubs for dance and things she’s enjoyed but she’s never stuck them out. She does walk the dog with me every evening though.