So I've created an account for opinions really as I just can't see where I am going wrong. It's a long one I'm sorry.
Tonight has descended into a full argument between....well....all of us. We are a usually happy family consisting of me, hubby, our 10 and 6 year old daughters and 3 month old son. Our eldest is in full pre-teen mode and I just don't know what to do/say anymore without conflict.
So for example...today, her and other dd get out the playdoh (I've put away about 30 tubs and seperated all mixed colours etc for 3 nights on the bounce now). They'd just left it out as usual so today I said it all needed to be put away. Both dd agreed, I went and got in the bath. They both then came upstairs around 30mins later and started getting out every toy imaginable.....I asked if they had cleaned up downstairs...they said yes. I said had they done it properly, they said yes only for hubby to have our son in his arms and nearly fall over a load of crap they'd left on the floor.
I lost my temper, it's the same all of the time, they just don't tidy up after themselves at all. I don't expect the world and all I ask is their rooms are relatively clean and they put their books/toys away and plates in the sink. Our eldest is almost 11, has a phone after she begged, wants to walk home from high school in September but can't even do a basic task like this. She gets really literal to wind me up like "you only asked to tidy the playdoh not the other things". Tonight her response was that along with "tidying up is boring", "I don't want to", "we did do it all" - they didn't.
The other month I almost cried as the youngest dd smashed an electronic after a row with the eldest, she knew it was a bad thing to do.....I explained to both that those items cost a lot of money and to be more careful, that mummy and daddy worked really hard to pay for those things. I explained some boys and girls don't have x-boxes/phones (only eldest has a phone) and they should take better care of them or they would be confiscated. My eldest is really messy and frequently leaves her laptop in the middle of a messy floor, games/dvds out etc and on this occassion looked me dead in the eye and said "yeah...well some kids have more than us". I was speechless, I wouldn't have dreamt of saying that to my mum and it's not how I've raised her so was truly shocked.
Sorry for the ramble I'm just at my wits end, what is a reasonable amount of chores for this age? I know she's hormonal and we've just had a baby but my god I'm only asking her to tidy up her toys and she acts like it's the hardest task in the world. Myself and hubby do everything I would consider an adult job like washing up/vacumming/cleaning/washing etc. Her tasks are things like making her bed, clearing her dinner place, hanging up her coat and bag after school, tidying her room. I'd say 85% of the time she just doesn't do it. Is it just me and my house? I have a degree in childcare development and I know kids act out at home as they feel safe and loved etc but it's getting silly now, I want her to have life skills and to be able to just follow a simple instruction. She's an angel in school and it's really straining my relationship with her. Please be kind, I'm tired and trying....any advice or routines you guys follow welcome. From one tired momma x