Granny is the devil

[deliwoman1]

Or so my DD thinks! She’s 10.5 months now and we’ve just said goodbye to my DPs mum after a few nights’ stay. I’m not sure what to do because DD was really unsettled by her. Screaming when she was left alone with her momentarily, or when she even thought Granny would pick her up. She just doesn’t seem to like her and as much as we try to reassure DPs mum that it’s not specific to her, it actually seems to be. 😕

Granny lives quite far away but has made the effort to see her once a month pretty much since she was born. I know she’s still a stranger but DD has warmed to others she sees about as often, and she’s fine with granddad. Granny loves her to bits and of course she’s the most keen of the grandparents to take care of her (typical DD would choose to hate this grandparent, hey?), but she’s not the most naturally maternal person and is slightly nervy/awkward/abrupt around DD despite trying her best! One incident led to her calling DD a ‘very rude little girl.’ Granny was joking but also a bit not… 😬 She has a fairly anxious energy so I think DD might find her a bit unpredictable, but as it seems to be a personality thing I have no idea how to help matters.

DP mentioned that it might be a good idea to go gentle and give DD warning before picking her up or interacting (which was met with stony silence) but does anyone have any suggestions? It’s so hard when she’s here because DD responds pretty terribly at times and I feel sorry for granny (and DD, who seems genuinely stressed). 🥺 please help!

My mum has what I describe as "frantic energy", and gets anxious and flustered, and that was difficult when dd was under a year. Give it time, when your dd is a hyper toddler, they will have lots of fun together.

My mum isn't good with babies or people who are ill because she panics and gets flustered and stressed at the responsibility. Nervy is the word. Nappies, potties, calpol, choking hazards... her way of panicking is just to get snappy. But when DD is well, she can read her books or take her to the playground infinitely, as long as I do the packed lunch etc and all physical needs are met.

Just wait till next year, it'll all be better and you can "delegate" some of the toddler entertaining to Granny.

Another thing that helped when dd was under a year, was sitting next to DM with DD on my own lap, but DM doing the interacting (peekaboo, reading etc)

My nearly 4 year old is still like this with my mum now she will talk to her over FaceTime and is fine but not keen on her in person lol x

Hmmm... does she use strong perfume or scented hand cream?

she’s not the most naturally maternal person and is slightly nervy/awkward/abrupt around DD despite trying her best! One incident led to her calling DD a ‘very rude little girl.’ Granny was joking but also a bit not

Your DD doesn't like her and that's fair enough. It doesn't sound as though she's the most likeable of people and your DD seems to be showing good judgement.

She may warm to Granny, she may not.

DD was like this with my FIL (who is a lovely chap) - she would scream if he came near her. Now they are as thick as thieves and she adores him so it doesn't always signify anything.

I'd say your daughter will outgrow it in time, although it must be hard for your mother in law. My youngest son was like this with my sister in law, who actually works with kids and is brilliant with them. He would cry if she even looked at him it was really strange. He's 4 now and gets on great with her.

Thanks, this is helpful. I try sitting with them while they play and DD does seem fine then. She also does smile and wave at Granny from afar, so there's hope!

Really hoping DD does grow out of it. MiL is lovely and so keen to be helpful and involved, just not great with babies I think.

My MIL was the exact same with mine as was one SIL the other was absolutely amazing. They just have off this very dysregulated energy which the babies picked up on. The children got on much better with them when they were older though so all is not lost there.