Play dates always end in tears. Normal? (Nearly 5 yo DD)

[Rolloisthebestpony]

Have had a few play dates for nearly 5 year old DD. They always end in tears (both kids) with allegations of “being mean “ or not being able to agree what to play.

Is this normal for that age?!

I want to do play dates as DD an only child but they always turn to sh!t. I envisage having a nice coffee with the other mum & chat while the kids play but it never happens

I do try and keep things short (2 hours max) but have had a couple where they didn’t seem too keen to leave.

Thinking I might arrange next couple of play dates at playground so I can at least control when it ends.

Anyone?

It feels a bit much if this is happening every time, is your dd able to elaborate on what's happened?is it with a range of different kids, of both sexes? Do they enjoy most of the time together?

My child isn't yet 5, I would say play dates are relatively successful (but I definitely have certain kids I prefer having over than others ). Of course there is sometimes a moment where one or the other cries, usually towards the end of a couple of hours, they're a bit younger (almost 4 to 4.5ish) so possibly also tiredness.

That said at the park sounds a good idea, it can be exhausting hosting!

Then it means you cannot chat. You need to hang around and supervise the play BEFORE it ends in tears. Under 5 I also found that play dates needed a bit of structure. Pick out 3-4 things for them to do and when they are getting tired or grumpy move them on. Plus a snack to break it up.

As the relationship builds with the child you step back and allow independent play. But if you are sitting and chatting and ignoring them for 2 hours then it is inevitable there will be a falling out (many siblings who are close in age will not be able to play for 2 hours without adult intervention sans a squabble, especially if both are under 5).

Is this happening after school? If so, they may just be getting tired?we had many playdates end in tears when mine was that age. Playdates on weekends or holidays may make it easier, if possible for you. And plenty of food available for the kids too.

i also found that my son would sometimes struggle to share his toys on playdates.. started asking him to decide beforehand if there were any toys he didn’t want to share, and to put those out of reach (in my bedroom). Everything else in his room could be played with.

my son is almost 7 and it is much easier now!

Thanks for the feedback & suggestions

Ive not done any after school play dates so it’s weekends & holidays

I would try a bit more structure, and try and make it a "side by side" activity where they each have their own materials. Keep them busy, reduce flashpoints. Something fairly clean and safe so you don't have to hover or worry about spills. Games can be problematic because someone will break the rules, or think the other one has, and someone always loses. Invest in setting them up and you will hopefully get better quality time to drink your tea.

They can run around a bit later on but by scaffolding some of the time you've taken the social pressure off them a bit. They are still very little.

Thanks - I think I’ve been naive and just expected them to play.
what age does that happen?

I must be on another planet, on our play dates the kids want no structure and do their best to get as far away from the adults as they can

My DC has just turned 5, and mostly is now happy to play in her room on play dates. However, when she was younger I would usually try to start with a planned activity where they could do
something side by side as pp said, with no competition. Icing biscuits is a good one or a craft thing, or planting seeds or doing a jigsaw. That would help break the ice. We’d then do a snack and after that they were usually happy to play together independently. They still
do need help at this age imo.

A few tips, let your dd put away any very precious toys she doesn't want other children to play with. Don't have the other parent there, just invite the child. Provide lots of drinks and snacks and use them as a time out if things are getting heated.
But generally by 5 in my experience the kids have always managed their own time, played in the garden / playroom or whatever, and I just intervened if I heard whiny voices or squabbling.

If that works then great. Structure is just a suggestion for when it's not working.