Is this just what being a mum is like? Does it get better/easier?

[Waitingformay]

I only have one friend with kids so I don't have much to compare against and don't know what is 'normal'.

Since having my baby the world feels like a much worse place. I am so acutely aware of all the bad things going on and the bad people in it. I'm completely tormented by intrusive thoughts of something bad happening to my baby. I know anxiety is normal but at what point does it become abnormal? Earlier I was scared that my husband was going to fill the baby's bath with boiling water from the kettle and then I had awful scenes of that playing in my head. I also worry that if I think something or say something it'll make it happen so that does stop me from telling anyone what im thinking.
Everyone keeps telling me how well im doing and how easy im making this look which immediately shuts down any conversation about how I am actually doing.
Little things get to me massively and I'm trying to be able to let go of them, like things in the house not feeling organised and accepting that I cannot keep on top of everything all of the time, but sometimes when I go into the kitchen and there's crumbs on the worktop it feels like the end of the world. I don't think I'm depressed as I do still get enjoyment from things and I get out of the house and do function. My sleep and eating are fine. Sometimes the world goes from feeling very fake and detached to suddenly very real.
I'm sorry this reads in a really disjointed way. How much of this is normal and will get easier in time? If this isn't normal has anyone had similar experiences and what helped.
How do you raise children when there is so much bad in the world? I don't want this to impact my parenting

Oh lovely, is baby quite little? I think this maybe might be worth going to your GP about. Postnatal anxiety is as common as postnatal depression and you can help to stop it being so intense.

That's not normal, no. You're describing issues with your mental health. I think it's time for a chat with your GP.

I totally sympathise, when my twins were very young I used to go out each morning to the park with our dog. The girls would be in their pram and I’d walk along the side of the lake. I used to worry that someone was going to come up behind me and push them into the lake 😞 it used to make me so upset, and then I used to have dreams that we broke down on a smart motorway, the panic used to consume me and I actually had to go through a theoretical plan with my husband over which of my babies I’d get out of the car first.

my girls are 4 now and I still worry about things that are happening in real life, about what kind of world awaits them.

it does sound like you’re feeling very overwhelmed so maybe have a word with your health visitor or GP. These kind of feeling are common but not necessarily “normal”

It's not normal. I can't speak for others but while I was very vigilant about my baby I didn't worry unduly about the world around or things that might happen. It does sound as though something is a little off-balance.

My baby is little only about 6 months :(

I'm also completely terrified of smart motorways.
I feel like I'm on another planet sometimes or like I'm in a bubble with just me and my baby or sometimes just me which makes me feel even more scared

Being a mum has never felt like that for me, so I would think that if you get help you could soon feel very different.

I was diagnosed with Post natal depression when my baby was 8 month old.
Please go to your Gp or see your health visitor. After the weekend. Don’t be fobbed off with an appointment on a few weeks. As your husband to help you get an appointment for early next week. Show them your original post if it’s hard to describe.

You need some help and support. You will definitely stay with your baby. You don’t need to feel like this. There is help for you. You can feel like ‘yourself’ again.

You sound just like me and unfortunately things became so much worse- I was diagnosed with postnatal anxiety. I'm fine now, Sertraline sorted me out. Please speak to someone ❤

You poor thing. I had the same level of anxiety and the same kind of intrusive thoughts about very very unlikely scenarios where serious harm came to my baby. I used to walk with my back to the wall on the landing in case I dropped him over the bannister!

Unfortunately it coincided with the onset of lockdown so there was an actual real threat at the time too with lots of fear in the public domain and I found it so hard to determine what was really a threat and what was me being anxious. I didn't feel depressed but I didn't sleep at all and I felt I had to he hyper vigilant at all times so in the end I was slightly manic i think.

I was diagnosed with post natal anxiety and treated with talking therapy and an SSRI. The difference it made was like night and day. I am forever grateful to the GP I saw being so kind and gentle with me, she saved my life and her help enabled me to be the mum I wanted to be for my little boy. There was no judgement and everyone just wanted to support me to get better. And I did. I got better and you will too. Reach out for help, I promise it's there.

My baby is 4 months and I get intrusive thoughts too of bad things happening to her. Having children has also made me feel much more sensitive too and fearful of how threatening and dangerous the world can be. I think this isn’t uncommon. I also get more health anxiety as I can’t bear the thought of them not having me.

That said - for me it’s fleeting thoughts and I can bat them away and move my mind on to think about something else. If this is really pervasive and persistent for you, I would definitely speak to your GP. Post natal anxiety doesn’t seem to be as known about as PND but it’s very real and you don’t have to suffer without help xx

Yes. I had this too. It gradually wore off (or I learned to channel this worry better and logic overtook it). The reality is that the world is full of danger that you’ve probably thought too much about until you’ve had a baby and I suddenly saw danger absolutely everywhere. It does get easier, although I think back and realise how miserable I was. Try to think really rationally about what the real likelihood of these things happening is. This is extremely difficult though… Is still work hard at pushing those intrusive thoughts out of my mind sometimes.

Thanks everyone for the replies. It feels better knowing that some people don't feel like this or if they did they don't anymore. That helps.

I'm already open to the mental health team due to previous bipolar but stable for years. I've not seen anyone in months though. I don't know how to even tell someone. I'm so scared that if I speak about it it'll happen. I don't feel like I can speak to my husband. Sometimes I won't let him take the baby because I'm scared he'll do something. I realise that must upset him but in the moment I just feel so sure that he's evil.

I'm really glad that this isn't just being a mum. I would never want to do anything to take myself away from my baby but I was thinking how do I continue like this

I also have bipolar OP, and the main thing I struggle with now is anxiety. If you're worried your husband is evil it sounds like it's quite serious - it can get worse really quickly. It's really important to tell someone - noone is going to take your baby from you. You can ring your GP or your health visitor.

It sounds like an OCD/intrusive thoughts issue that is beyond what's usual after a baby. In my experience I got a lot more emotional about many things afterwards and that remains, because you don't have just yourself to worry about anymore. And the world seemed a lot scarier somehow. But what you've described I think might need treatment (I was on medication for PND and it really helped.)

Wow this is the first time I read about someone with similar thoughts. See the thing about the boiling water? I do the same but with the fear of dropping him/hitting his head. I thought I was the only one. I get images of his head knocking on the floor that I can’t get rid of. I can’t help replaying this and then sometimes I feel like I WILL drop him on his head by habit of seeing it in my head.

@ICMB I get those thoughts about the floor as well. I can almost hear the sound it makes me feel sick. It's comforting to hear people having the same experiences but also I'm sorry you're having that. It's shit

I had postpartum psychosis. What you are going through seems very similar. Please reach out to your CPN or GP they can help massively

@giddy90 I don't think it's psychosis as it's not constant and more comes and goes. Feels very real sometimes and then later I know it was irrational if that makes sense

It doesn't sound like post-partum psychosis per se if it is intermittent and OP's baby is six months old, although some of the thoughts that you describe are pretty extreme.

It sounds more like some sort of post-natal illness, although it's great that your sleeping and eating are fine. It's a bit concerning (although not surprising in the current climate...) that you haven't seen anyone from the mental health team for months. You really should have any medication you're on reviewed and it would be worth considering an anti-depressant - the SSRIs are very helpful at treating both anxiety and depression.

Honestly, telling someone is the best thing you can do. These types of thoughts become less scary when they're out in the open and you can put them into some sort of context (like writing this thread and hearing other's experiences).

It's is usual to become more aware of the bad things in the world when you've had a baby - nothing else propels you into the future and what it might hold like that, but it's possible to live and not be dominated by this awareness.

As others have said, please talk to your GP or health visitor; it sounds like you need some help. It's normal to be more anxious when you have a baby, but the intrusive thoughts and the severity of what you're experiencing is more than that. I had post partum anxiety and I was prescribed citalopram and also had CBT with a lovely counsellor. Both those things and the support of family and friends saved me. I hope you get the help you need. 💐

I also worry that if I think something or say something it'll make it happen so that does stop me from telling anyone what im thinking

This is classic OCD from my experience. You've got to knock this on the head or it can spiral. It's taken me the best part of two decades but I can now say the thoughts aloud, at least sometimes. I wish I'd tried it sooner because eventually your brain does relearn that the bad thing doesn't happen just because you said/thought/wrote it

Sounds like you have post natal anxiety....I did too.I loved being a mum and was certainly not depressed, but second guessed everything, expected myself and everyone else to be 100% perfect in our care of DD1, and was paranoid of making a wrong decision/forgetting something meaning harm would come to my baby.
I don't think the events around that time helped....Grenfell disaster and terrorist attacks, then a local little boy died of meningitis, all of which scared me alot.

I had the intrusive thoughts aswell....an example being when we went on holiday I was worried about leaving the steriliser filled with water in the hotel room incase the cleaner secretly laced it with bleach.
It feels crazy looking back but at the time it felt very real.

It didn't help that DH also has anxiety/OCD and leaned on me alot to make decisions, take the lead with DD which felt overwhelming.

When she was a 1yo I got CBT which helped me learn to let go and not beat myself up or panic about every little mistake or risk.

As she grew up I gradually became more confident and less anxious...I'm still definitely what I would describe as a protective parent, but in a reasonable way not a paranoid unreasonable one.

We now have DD2 and the experience has been very different, we have both been sooo much more laid back this time around!

Hope you manage to get some help like I did, and things feel easier soon.xx

I should add that it peaked when baby was afew months old, and during that same holiday with the steriliser issue, I remember sitting in bed feeding DD and a thought crossing my mind about me harming her.I never would have, but it was not a nice thing to happen.I often had thoughts like that.
What helped me most was letting the thoughts come and go whilst trying to stay calm but challenge them by talking back in my head or sometimes out loud, then try to distract myself with something else.