15 week old baby, am I doing this right?

[amidoingthisalright]

I am in a due date group on Facebook and I feel like I'm doing it totally wrong! They are all posting about their babies routines, what their babies are doing. Almost all of them say their babies barely nap in the day. I feel like I'm going wrong somewhere or perhaps something is wrong?! They all post about bed time routines.. he doesn't have a bedtime!

My son is 15 weeks and is exclusively breastfed. He's a star and sleeps beautifully, but as I said he has no bed time. And he naps constantly!

There's no precise timings he doesn't really have a routine but we get out of bed between 8am-9.30am, he will sometimes go a few hours inbetween feeds if he sleeps for a few hours but if he's awake sometimes he'll sort of snack and be on and off a lot, he sleeps and boobs all day with the odd hour awake here and there. We might get a happy half hour with him on the play mat, he'll sit and kick in his bouncer chair for a little while if I'm getting stuff done around the house, he loves a bath etc but that's about it. He is mostly asleep! He'll boob a lot in the evening and then doze with me and my husband on the sofa until I go to bed and take him up with me, sometimes he stays asleep and sometimes he wakes up and has a bit of boob

I just don't know if I'm doing it right? They all take their babies up and do bed time at 6.30/7pm. They know when their babies have their naps. Their babies are awake for long periods. They don't appear to be constantly on a boob. They're talking about babies reaching for toys and laughing but we aren't there yet.

Am I doing this wrong?! Is he sleeping too much?

His weight gain is beautiful. He left hospital a teeny 5lber and is now a 13lbs chonk

It sounds like you do have a sort of routine, just a different one. Has he smiled? Does he engage with you?

No! You aren’t doing it wrong. You are doing it right because it’s right for you. Enjoy not having a set routine, it will come eventually.

You have got a happy baby and a system which works for you. Never mind FB, stick with what you're doing in real life. And well done too, I was a complete shambles when my first was 15weeks!

Yes he is very smiley and engaged, he'll look at toys but doesn't seem to move his arms with any purpose yet. Though he does stare at nothing a lot still?! He doesn't laugh though.

If it works for you, keep doing it. With our firs,t we didn't have a bedtime routine particularly until far older than your baby - baby needs to sleep physically in the same room as you anyway until 6 months and there were weeks of growth spurts with evening cluster feeding too, so we would just binge watch TV around baby's needs! It's different when you already have a bedtime routine in place with an older child in the house as a new baby soon drops into an evening routine of sorts earlier than first time round.

The thing about babies is that their needs vary as they grow. What's a comfortable routine today brings stress tomorrow if it doesn't suit. Whereas a pattern, which you have, is flexible and can grow with you.
If you're happy and baby is happy (sounds like you're smashing feeding brief!), crack on and go if your way. You might see different ways you might try in your baby group, but please, look at your happy baby and know that you are doing it right for you. You might see things that make you shudder and think definitely not for you!!!

Congratulations on your beautiful baby

Sounds like a totally normal life with a young breastfed baby to me.

You might find more similarity with people in an attachment parenting or breastfeeding specific focused groups?

Is it a UK group or all over ie mostly American? Because in America not everyone gets maternity leave, and when they do get it they often only get a few weeks, so you kind of have to have your baby on a routine to make sure you're pumping enough milk / in order to communicate with the babysitter.

I'd recommend just leaving or muting the group... Every baby is different so no need to compare. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing. As long as your little one is happy just go with what works.

You are doing perfectly well. If he's gaining weight and developing then he's fine!
He will find his own routine eventually in his own time. All babies are different.

Remember, social media isn't real life and people only tend to show off the good bits of their life. They don't tell you when little Jonny went to bed of his own accord at 7pm but then was up every hour as he'd lost his dummy. They'll just show off that he's dropped a night feed!

My daughter is 6 months old today and only just starting to settle into any kind of nap routine! We've been consistently putting her to bed at 7:30 for the last 2 months though but that's mainly because we put our eldest to bed then so they bath together then go to sleep!

At this age honestly whatever works for you is absolutely fine and the naps will start to take a routine by themselves without you pushing it.

There's more than one way to do it 'right', it might not be right for them but it might be right for you.

My baby is 5 months and he has a routine and a bedtime, he also has set nap times. He eats every 3 hours like clockwork and sleeps 7-7 like clockwork but he is formula fed.

Routines, bedtimes etc work really well for us but of course it isn't the only way. If everyone is happy, your way is probably the right way for you!

Thanks, that's reassuring! It just makes me worry he's falling behind if he's still asleep all the time and not starting to do what their babies seem to be doing. Some of their babies can roll and mine isn't even swatting at a toy. I shall try and relax and just go with it. I wasn't sure if I should be trying to encourage more awake time and working towards these things

Comparison is the thief of joy - you have a happy healthy baby so clearly you're smashing it

i guess this is your first baby and the routine you have of been super relaxed and breezy and just going as your baby wants is perfect I think you maybe comparing yourself to parents of multiple children who need a routine because they don’t want to need to feed the baby on the school run and the baby even tho happy is probably kept awake more partly due to a noiser household with my first and second (very close in age) I took an approach much more like yourself however with my subsequent children iv had to implement a much more strick routine to fit around school runs other kids bed times however I don’t think either way was right or wrong it’s what worked for me at the time with each individual child been a little different just as all children do things at different ages and it’s always special when your child does something for the first time regardless of what age other peoples kids did this and that try not to compare I have 6 they all napped different amounts one of mine had dropped day naps by 1 year old another kept one small nap a day up till starting full time school they are all different even siblings

I left my due date group on Facebook because of the weird competition it seemed to turn into. And I hated feeling like my little one wasn’t right because she hadn’t laughed or rolled when alllllll the other babies had.

Your baby sounds like they’re thriving and you’re happy. What’s not going right? Sounds perfectly normal for a very young breastfed baby. Enjoy it!

And you’ll slowly realise that a lot of those type of posts are bullshit. DPs work colleague had a baby at the same as me and DP. According to this bloke baby “was a dream” sleeping through the night at 2 months etc. Then one day he said he often had to drive around at night to get baby back to sleep… seems either the “dream” didn’t last long or it was a fantasy of another kind. Similarly a “friend” who only exclusively breastfed (and was very vocal about the fact) forgot to put away her perfect prep machine at Christmas when she had all of us around… watching her slowly trying to move it out of the kitchen without people noticing was hilarious.

Sounds perfect to me OP.

Early months of baby someone said to me 'hope you're getting into routine' (meant in nicest way) and I just thought HA! What routine???!!!😂

Sounds like you are doing a fantastic job. Remember, your little one has grown a lot - and they need a lot of sleep to do that! The routine will come in time.

Hi. My baby is 15 weeks today. She feeds every three hours or so, and naps after being awake between 1.5 - 2 hours. We have no routine, she goes to bed when I do. She isn't properly grabbing for things yet and only had her first little giggle last week. Your baby sounds similar to mine.

I'm in a Fb and whatsapp group with other mums of January/February babies and pretty much all of them have no real schedule, have a lot of naps and aren't yet grabbing at things. It sounds like your group might be a little competitive and boasty?

I remember at 4 months saying in response to someone "what's routine?" We didn't get into one until waaay after 6 months.

Definitely don't try and improve his awake time - babies need sleep for brain development. In a few months you'll be missing all those naps!

Enjoy your baby; you're doing great

Leave the Facebook group. It's not doing you any favours. You're making out as if they have a perfect routine. There is no perfect or routine when it comes to babies. Everyone is different.
Chances are some of them have missed out all the bad that happens in-between, to paint this picture of a prefect life on social media.
You're not doing anything wrong.

A routine is what works for you. There was a book that I thought I should buy called Gina ford. I read the routines for my newborn and was no way - that doesn't work for us.

Babies are so different. My first son needed an early bed time or he spend the whole evening screaming.

My second son needed to be near me all evening and went to bed with me - till about 4/5 months.