Sensory issues/autism or normal toddler behaviour?

[Mum2B36]

Help and advice needed.

My lovely 2.5 year old is increasingly difficult and I'm wondering, whilst currently on holiday surrounded by similar aged children, if her behaviour is normal or not.

1. She hates all self care: showers, teeth brushing, hair brushing, tieing hair up, washing her face, moisturiser, bum cream, wiping her eyes, hand washing... etc
2. hates water parks, pouring water on her head etc.
3. she hates loud noises: hand dryers, hoovers etc
4. she gets easily overstimulated for example if we are in a busy restaurant and I'm also talking to her she will put her hands over her ears.
5. she hates change.
6. she's not brave and won't try new things food or experiences.
7. Sensitive to wind.
8. Sensitive to hot and cold.
9. hates people dressed up as characters. Santa etc.
10. won't wear jeans. Can be super fussy about what she does wear and which shoes etc.
11. not brave but not shy. Hard to explain. She's very chatty and confident with people but not new experiences.

Things she is not so bad at.

1. She's a great sleeper.
2. She is super chatty and she's ahead on speech.
3. She plays well with other children.
4. Responds to her name. She's social. Good eye contact etc.
5. Not really fussy with food but I have to make sure to keep things varied otherwise I do think she would become limited. I don't think she has an issue with textures.

Is my toddler a normal toddler or do I need to speak to nursery? A bit of background: I have spoken to nursery before, a while ago, about autism, and they said they weren't worried at all as she made good eye contact etc. At her one year review she scored low on certain things (didn't hug teddies etc) and had to be referred for another test but passed next time. I think she was late on social emotional 'things' but now she loves to cuddle. Since then the sensitivity issues have come to light so now I'm wondering if I need to speak to nursery and/or gp/hv again. What would my first step be?

What does everyone think? Do you recognise these traits in your toddlers? I don't want to be too quick to jump to conclusions if these are normal toddler behaviours?

Im also 32 weeks pregnant and I think she's struggling with this. There has been lots of changes recently, new bedroom, potty training.

thank you.

Maybe she has some sensory issues, maybe they will last or she will outgrow them. I don't think this automatically means autism but it could. Is she happy and developing well? If so, I'd just keep an eye on things.

It's really hard because you're going to get such a muddle of replies on this which might confuse you even more.
For what it's worth my child was similar to yours at toddler age. He received his official diagnosis of ASD when he had just turned 6 years old. It took time, nursery were wonderful with him but didn't pick up on it really until he was in his second year there (4 years old) then school were the ones who suggested diagnosis in primary one (5 years old) and then it just took time to get seen.
But other mums will say their child did the same and are absolutely not neurodivergent- either correctly or due to parents not seeking diagnosis for various reasons.
If I can reassure you at all though, my boy is now 12 and a half. He is starting high school in August (mainstream Catholic high school) and he is thriving. He has smashed expectations right left and centre. He can and does show empathy, humour, kindness, and has a very sarcastic streak and excellent comic timing.
I know how hard it is at the toddler stage and how confusing it can feel because autism behaviours often match common toddler behaviours. If he is indeed autistic I can assure you from a mum who has been through it, there are some wonderful and beautiful moments of learning ahead for you. If he's not there'll be other wonderful and beautiful moments of learning ahead instead.
Speak with your HV and find out who the ASN support person is in your nursery and go from there. It's not quick but it's worth doing. Very best of luck to you and your wonderful boy.

I don't think it's outside the bandwidth of toddler behaviour.
But, I could have ticked most of your list for DD (plus food textures). She isn't diagnosed as ASD but has had help with OCD and anxiety - therapist asked if she wanted to be referred for an ASD assessment.
I think that the eye contact metric doesn't seem to affect girls quite as much - girls seem to be much better at masking/following social cues in primary years. I think more girls are picked up as they get older.
The advice to parent the child you have works well - you could look into getting your DD assessed, but I would wait a little while until life is more settled. Children do develop skills at slightly different ages.

Impossible to say, really. Definitely some sensory issues. Equally, things like responding to name, eye contact, advanced speech aren’t proof that a child isn’t autistic, especially girls.

One of the reasons my daughter was diagnosed relatively late (age 9.5) is because she presented as chatty and social - precocious even - and her traits were quite subtle.

My advice to parents worried about autism is always the same - keep an eye on things and keep an open mind. It might be something but it might not.

My apologies OP I got mixed up cos I was thinking about my own boy and just realised I started referring your child as your son! I'm so sorry. Your wonderful girl, not your boy.
Also yes it's bloody hard getting taken seriously when it's for a girl, my daughter shows the same traits as my son but because she makes eye contact and has a friendship group we are still waiting and she turned 10 this month....

It's so hard to say. My DS would tick every one on your list and I have no concerns with regards to ASC. My daughter would have been the same at that age and is your regular, neurotypical 6 year old.

However, I also work with children with ASC and recognise these traits in some of them. Similar traits are identified as being the 'first clues' that their parents noticed.
I would echo the advice given by other posters. Keep an eye on it but keep an open mind.
Toddlers are such quirky little creatures and it could be something or could be nothing at all.

Thanks everyone. She is starting at a lovely preschool in sept. My original plan was to keep an eye on it, get through child birth with #2 and speak to pre school re my concerns when she starts. So maybe I will stick to this plan.

Parenting is such a minefield isn't it. I was so wrong to think it gets easier!

i do not consider these traits to define her in anyway. She's smart, happy, kind, funny. Thank you for the reassurance. I have two cousins who are autistic one non verbal and one who has Aspergers. I recognise it runs in families. Her issues are so different to them though.

Could be something or nothing OP. My older DC was very sensitive when he was a toddler - hated the feel of grass or sand on his feet, hated loud noise, hated labels in clothing, fussy about food - but he has grown up to be completely neurotypical. His DB, who was generally a much easier toddler, is ND.

I think she sounds quite normal. All of those things can be quite overwhelming when you're a little person. Keep reassuring her and don't hide her away from experiences that she finds difficult - little steps to increase tolerance (don't do the equivalent of throwing her in the deep end!)

Sounds normal to me. Toddlers basically are just one big sensory issue - it’s normal for them to be fussy with food, not like personal care (boring!), not like their hair to be brushed, not like certain noises. She’s sociable and happy, I don’t see any ‘concerns’ that need to be raised. I do sometimes wonder what people expect from their small children, because every expected immature/kiddy-like behaviour seems to be ‘indicative of SEN’ these days.

If she's struggling with certain things you can also do practical things to help reduce them and keep an eye out for any other struggles.

Wearing a thin layer even in Summer to reduce wind.
Sunglasses/hat reduce bright lights.
Ear defenders reduce loud noises

My DD has ASD, she got diagnosed at 13 after finding the move to Secondary school challenging. She has always had an issue with hand dryers etc and was quirky but she didn't display any other blatant autistic signs and could make eye contact, academically she has also been a high flyer and when she got assessed we found that she was highly gifted in several areas. ASD presents differently in girls to the stereotypical view that comes from studying boys. Her ASD doesn't massively hold her back now school have things in place for her although noise cancelling head phones and lots of solo, quiet time to process and destress are essential.

Keep an eye on her, write any specific concerns in the back of your red book because if you do go for a diagnosis then you need to give a full developmental history right back to pregnancy.

As PPs have said, all those things are traits of ND but ALSO traits of being 2! Both my dcs had all the issues you've listed when they were toddlers; one grew out of almost all of them and I have no concerns about him being autistic, the other dc the problems persisted into primary school so he's now being assessed for ASD. I would just see how she develops over the next few years.

Thanks so much for the advice. It's really reassured me. Perhaps she does have issues but she's still super young so I'll ride it out and see if there is any improvement in Sept when she's three and the baby is here. If not, I'll speak to pre school about helping me with next steps on an assessment. Can't harm.

My dd was just like this. She was diagnosed at 16.

Girls present differently. They can talk easily, not be shy and maintain eye contact. Their presentation is completely different to boys.

Look at the Autistic Girls Network. They have a list of symptoms.

My dd wouldn’t wear buttons or trousers, hated change, had loads of sensory issues, was friendly, chatty and spoke early.

The nursery need to get themselves updated.

@Mum2B36 what I would suggest is to save up what you can that way if it turns out she does find things increasingly challenging you can go private straight away instead of ending up on an NHS wait list, the experience is much quicker 6 weeks vs 4 years where I am and the experience much nicer as they are impartial ie your parenting is never called into question.

As my DD was quirky I set up a Help 2 Save account putting £50 a month in over 4 years + government bonuses (worth looking in to to see if you are eligible). Keep the savings until she's out of high School unless she shows blatant signs before then as HS is often a trigger for many autistic girls when their coping strategies don't work anymore, and then if she doesn't need a diagnosis fantastic you can use it for a holiday when she leaves school but if she does you can get her the help she needs ASAP.

Make sure you get an nhs one too.

This opens the door quickly to all nhs therapies.

Sensory processing disorder??

Just maybe some sensory overload

Keep an eye and get staff to monitor carefully xxxxxx

I’d suggest getting her on the waiting list for assessment now, then by the time it comes around she’ll be older and you’ll know if these things have persisted or were just a toddler phase. My daughter was a very chatty outgoing 2 year old with sensory issues. She is now a very chatty outgoing 8 year old with sensory issues and currently going through assessment after 2 years on the waiting list. We dithered about putting her on the list for ages until it became quite clear she wasn’t growing out of it. I wish we’d put her on the list when the issues first emerged (it was clear by 4 she was different to the average 4 year old).

My DD was similar as a toddler, I just thought she was bloody hard work 😆 She got increasingly quirky but no concerns from nursery, childminder or school. She'd be uncooperative as soon as she got home, which I just put down to tiredness. And gradually just adapted to her behaviours.

6 months ago, she started year 10. Pressure at school ramped up and she could no longer cope. We've just had a private autism assessment and whilst I'm waiting for the report, half way through the parent assessment the assessor started telling me how to apply for an EHCP and DLA so I'm taking that as read.

As others have said, write down a list of your concerns. Girls present very differently and it's not uncommon to get to secondary age before they struggle and the mask falls. The Autistic Girls Network is grearmt, they've got a white paper "Keeping it all inside" which is really helpful, and a supportive Facebook group.

NHS waitlists run to several years now so it is worth speaking to your health visitor or GP to get a referral now.

Hi 👋
have you seen any improvements? Going through the same issue with my 18 month DD