My partner and I are really different. We view parenting and adulthood (buying a house/financial planning/career) differently.
I often go into phases with him where I stay with him (we live separately), leaning into the cuddles and love then when I met my friends there are discussing houses, parenting and child rearing. So then I’m back with new information and ideas for us that I want to share and get him on board or creating new ideas from it but more often than not all this really is really overwhelming for him so he shuts down.
I then feel like I don’t have a partner - it is just me and I have someone who loves me. Which is better than not having that.
So I think to myself back in the day, this is kind of how men would run their life, where they are thinking about all the investments, property and education for the children. However, the woman would always be a hands-on helper and take care of actual childcare, cooking and cleaning. I’m trying to work out what our dynamics going to be if I am taking care of childcare, investments, property and education for children, I guess he could take care of cooking and cleaning.
There is also the issue of her not wanting to move out, or I want to move out or where I can afford to buy so there’s a little bit of a rock going on there.
I know this is a rant and a lot of people do this, but I’m not sure what to do or what to town.
I think possibly the logical next step is to hire someone to talk to professionally. And I feel like here there might be more people that have had experience of this. I might be able to give me that 2p but also a recommendation if anyone knows of a great therapist or couples counsellor both get on the same page.
We have a baby on the way, our first, and I’d very much like us to get on the same page, whatever that page is going to be.
We get on well as people and have a lovely relationship if there’s nothing serious going on in regards to adult progression. But whenever we get to adult progression topics, it triggers into shutdown and that triggers me to feel very anxious about our future and going alone.
If I’m going to parent alone, that’s totally fine. I can put things in place at getting an au pair et cetera but as he’s around and he wants to be part of the process I want to give him space to do so, but he isn’t capable of planning. He shuts down or runs away from my plans so I’m not sure what to do without making him hate our conversations.