I don't even know what to title this as

[WhoToTalkTo]

I don't know what I hope to get from sharing this as I don't know what the answer is, but I guess I just need to share that in itself?.

DD just turned 1. Her sleep has never been good to the point that I have insomnia from the underlying anxiety (not unwarranted) that she's only going to wake me up again soon anyway. That's been ongoing for months and I've been to the GP several times about the insomnia. At first he tried giving me something to help me sleep but it left me unable to function even more than normal in the day time too. Then he started trying to treat me for depression. I explained that I'm not depressed, I'm just struggling with the situation. He referred me to perinatal mental health who by the time I was assessed decided to refuse me because DD was close to turning 1. In the meantime DD has started refusing most solids and just doesn't 'settle down' at any point. She's very intense and sensitive in her nature.

The GP has told me to self refer for counselling but I don't know what I would talk about or how it would help. I'm due back at work in a few weeks and just due to everything I don't feel safe to go back at the minute, but then what's the answer because this is just normal "having a kid" stuff? I don't really know how to explain it.

Didn't want to read and run, although I'm not sure I have anything useful to say!

This sounds really familiar to me - my kid also didn't sleep (still sleeps less than average), she also suddenly got really fussy with solids at 1 (I think a combination of teething and getting ill for the first time). I did manage to get some counselling but tbh it didn't help much.

It has gotten (slowly) better with time. Dropping naps has helped. Messed up sleep makes everything so much harder. How much is she sleeping overall?

I'm sure people have said this before, but have you tried sleep training? Or co-sleeping? Either are preferable to getting up in the night imo, but which (if either) works depends on your child.

Really hope it improves for you soon!

I feel your pain at not being able to sleep cos you know in a minute they'll wake up...

Do you have a partner op? Is he able to help more? Could you have a weekend out sleeping somewhere so you can catch up?+ and then try sleep training?

I had a period of terrible insomnia (and accompanying anxiety) at around 3 months post-partum so not exactly the same. The only thing that seemed to help was taking sleeping pills with my husband taking over all the night wakeups so I could go to bed knowing I wouldn't have to get up. Once you go back to work he will have to more equally share the burden of the night wake-ups anyway (if you are not breastfeeding). I would probably also try sleep-training in this situation. I did self-refer for CBT but didn't really find it helped.

My first born was like this. How you are feeling is totally normal, under the circumstances, and trying to treat you for something is frankly ridiculous. My DS was a very poor sleeper and refused solids but it did get better over time. He’s now a strapping 6ft eats like a horse, runs marathons and is generally perfectly healthy.

I was pregnant again when he was 13 months, not great! However it was a turning point. We became both stricter and more relaxed. I needed my sleep, so we did a type of controlled crying with him. It worked far better than I could ever have hoped for. With the eating, we just completely chilled and just gave him whatever we were having. We let him play with it and cover himself in it and some of it was eaten. Looking back, we definitely noticed a big difference with the eating, once we stopped fussing.

See if yr HV can advise if parenting classes so u can gain the skills needed to turn it around.

Her overall day sleep has been reducing because it's become increasingly difficult to fit 2 naps in at reasonable times, so on a 2 nap day it's about 12 hours and if I can manage to push her to do a 1 nap day it's more like 14 hours.

We already do co-sleep but it doesn't make any difference to the number of times she needs resettling unfortunately. Having gas constantly disturbs her and she also is very active in her sleep which does the same. Her issue isn't seeking comfort because she's lonely, it's physical things out of her control which is why I won't sleep train.

Thank you for replying though.

It is quite normal for toddlers to get food fussy. It is natures way of making sure they don't poison themselves as they get more mobile and start being able to reach more stuff.

You said that you don't knwo where you would begin with counselling. But I would encourage you to go. I think with so much parenting we feel so alone, and struggle on, looking at friends who all seem to have kids that sleep etc. Just having a space in the week when you can talk to someone and say - I am so tired! does, funnily enough help. And a good counsellor will help you to find things that work on relaxing and on your anxiety which should help with insomnia.

Sleep training will help to teach her how to self- settle, so her gas wakes her up but she is able to resettle by herself. It really does work. I would also say think about why she has gas. It is not normal for babies to wake themselves up with gas.

The fussiness is coinciding with walking so perhaps it'll ease off over the next few weeks as she gets used to her new skill.

Regarding the gas, I'm at a loss. I've tried pretty much everything to eliminate it (trialling cutting out different foods, OTC anti-gas products, probiotics), you name it - the list of things you end up trying over months gets pretty long. We were allegedly referred as an emergency to the dietician months ago because DD has several allergies but despite chasing it up we've still not even had an appointment.

It does sound as if her sleep is connected to her tummy troubles.

Have you considered that she might be intolerant to milk?

I am sure that once your get to the bottom of her allergies, and get her on a diet that she can tolerate, then everything will settle down.

Hang on in there OP.