I have 2 boys aged 7 and 8. Recently I've been reflecting on a lot of my behaviours in where I'm going wrong like we all do. Desperately not wanting to mess up my kids. There's something that happens to me and I don't know how to make it go away, I don't do it on purpose it just happens. Whenever my kids are upset, angry anything like that, I tune into what they're feeling so much I end up feeling it myself. I've realised I can't discipline them properly because I just hate them being upset. I feel so stupid because I'm the adult and should be in control of myself but I just can't make it happen.
My eldest has ASD and whenever there's a meltdown it sets my anxiety off so much I can't approach the situation properly. I can't think about it how I should in the moment. I end up dwelling on it so much that it's even happening. I start to dread the future. I blame myself for everything. I don't become a crippling mess but I definitely don't handle or think about it properly and I feel like I never will be able to.
I know in my head I know what's best but when I'm in the situation I just go so stupid and I don't know how to stop it. I don't know if it's just bad anxiety or what but I don't know what to do. If anyone has any advice or has experienced similar please let me know because I feel like the only one. I hate myself they're supposed to look at me as a role model and I'm a mess.