How do you spend the day with your babies?

[closingtime101]

Genuine question here. Nine month old daughter and feeling intense guilt over the amount I do or don’t stimulate her. I know you really shouldn’t compare babies as they are all different, but I met a friend today with a baby the same age who is doing all sorts of things already and my friend seems to spend a lot of time working on things with her such as learning animal sounds, playing peekaboo, etc. I feel terrible, like I’m letting my daughter down. In truth she spends a lot of time playing on the mat and rolling/crawling around, in between me taking her out and her taking long naps on me! So could I ask what you guys do in a typical day with your babies, and if you have older children, do you think these activities benefited your babies? Thanks so much, and sorry if this sounds stupid. I feel worried tonight.

When mine were little it looked something like this:

Morning: baby sensory or baby music class, or meet with a friend for play date

Lunch: long sleep

Afternoon: take dog out for a walk and let baby get fresh air, maybe take out for a push on the swings at a playground, or lie on picnic rug if the weather was nice.

Evening: bath and read books like "That's not my.."

Things like peek a boo or whatever just get slotted in the day, no special time carved out for structured play/learning at that age.

Honestly if your baby is happy spending time playing on their own then that’s great. She’ll learn so much from you and the world around her as it is, not every moment has to have learning opportunities crammed in to it.

i had one baby who was happy doing her own thing and another who needed lots more stimulation. I’d much rather have the former and be able to read a book while she plays than have to be running around and attending baby groups like I did with my second!

Letting your child have freedom to move and explore is wonderful. Have a listen at Janet Lansbury ‘unruffled’ podcast and research Montessori baby theory, you are giving your baby a wonderful start ❤️

Honestly, OP, I spent the days praying for death and went back to work asap! After which I was a considerably happier and more effective parent.

I had DS during lockdown and due to CEV family and no car we didn't go to any baby classes. At 9 months old DS and I spent time feeding, cuddling and smiling at each other, . I read him books and I talked at him and the cat a lot to pass the time. I also I walked and walked round the local park once in the morning and once in the afternoon with him in the pram attempting to get him to nap. Certainly no structured play!! I was worried too and I'll paraphrase something I read on here: "do you think your great grandma rolled about on the floor with a bottle filled with rice and your baby granddad? No? And he's fine isn't he?" Made me feel so much better. In good time DS crawled, walked, he's incredibly jolly, friendly, can entertain himself and talks in full sentences - so clearly the lack of any formal entertainment or programme didn't do him any harm.

My days are a bit like @user7637292 . We like to have a class every day - swimming, music, gym, toddler group, messy play. Keeps her busy and tires her out so she has a good nap. Afternoons are busy with school run, ferrying older DD to activities, and unstructured afternoons out like the park, soft play etc.

I like doing the running around and taking to groups and classes, I find them fun and would be bored at home. She does get time to play on her own but that's in-between everything else, and often when I'm doing chores.

I do think my older child benefitted from structured activities. She's naturally shy but has always gone to a whole range of classes so has mixed with lots of different people. I think she's more confident joining new groups because of that. Of course, some kids are naturally confident so they might not get much additional benefit. She's also very robust health-wise despite being a lockdown toddler - has never been off school sick, and had about 5 days off during 2 years of nursery. Missed some groups for a few months during lockdowns but was back as soon as it was legally allowed.

Lots of the school threads on the main board are enlightening - teachers are complaining that young kids are starting school with much worse social skills and inability to sit still in a group and take turns, and most experts think it's down to lockdown with less mixing in a group environment and less nursery attendance.

You aren’t letting her down, that couldn’t be further from the truth! She will be learning and gaining so much just from being with you during a typical day. If you can narrate your day and chat to her then all the better.

We play and sing, talk and laugh. My baby likes a lot of interaction rather than playing alone so when I need to get things done she goes in her sling and comes along with me. We meet with loved ones most days, but baby groups aren’t my cup of tea. She has long naps if I breastfeed her and let her sleep on me. A walk in the pram or carrier.

9 month here
I probably stay in too much but it's suits us at the moment and feel baby is stimulated enough

Wake 6/7
Bottle around 45 mins after wake
Play time including baby tv, playmat, toys

Bottle then baby sign, read a couple of books
(She likes to turn the pages and loves opening the flaps of the book )
Jumperoo, walker and she's just started crawling so she has a roam around

Nap 1 8/9 for an hour and a half

Mid morning bottle

Lunch 1130ish then nap 12/1 depending how tired she is

We do repeat of morning activities
Baby sign ( in teaching her the basics )
Read couple more books, play on the mat and nursery rhymes

Nap 2 sometimes extended to 2pm ish if we happen to pop out for a walk/get bits Tescos

Afternoon bottle after nap

5pm dinner, 6pm bath, bed 630/645 ish

I feel ok doing enough with her
Even walking around Tesco in the sling she absolutely loves and laughing away

Hope this helps x

I didn't enjoy baby activities so my days when they were young ended up looking like:

AM: out to the shops / post office in the pram. Perhaps stop to feed the ducks. Stop to chat to old ladies or chat to neighbour

Lunch: at home, bit of playing with some toys, then nice long afternoon nap

Afternoon: maybe a trip out again in the pram if weather nice, or porter about at home. Perhaps music on, or some baking. Letting DC play at my feet, bang pots etc

PM: DH home, bath, bed.

I'd just take her with me when I wanted to do adult things, so she would one to markets, go shopping on Oxford Street, meet people for lunch, look round galleries and museums. We used to get the bus and there's lots to see there. I'd meet a friend for lunch every week so she'd have some fascinating chat to listen to as she fell asleep when we ate.

I wouldn't worry about classes and sensory etc etc, you know if your baby is happy and healthy. There's plenty of time for learning when they're at nursery and preschool

Totally agree with all of this and this is what we did with DS.
I hated baby classes where everyone's just loudly going "woooooowwww childs name is that fuuuuunnnn?"
I'm not really that type of person so they grated on me.
Babies need love and attention and food, but not too much, you are allowed to get on with your day as well, run some errands, have a coffee out, put a video on your phone for them etc.

Don't feel guilty OP, I know it's inbuilt in us to feel this way but I'm sure the fact you're worried about it shows you're already doing a good job!

Thanks so much everyone for your replies. I know Mum Guilt is a thing for lots of people but I do think I could be doing more active play with her. We have baby sensory, baby swimming and rhyme time every week but I think too often I leave her to roll or crawl on the floor, telling myself she is strengthening herself physically, because it is easier than engaging with her all the time. I know I need breaks too but if I’m honest with myself I could and should be doing more. Any other ideas welcomed, thank you all for being so kind to an anxious first-timer!

With my 10 month old DD I try to make the most of all the times we’re doing something together that needs to be done. So I’ll sing to her while changing her nappy, chat to her and play peekaboo while she’s in the highchair or the pram, and help her play with and ‘count’ her toys in the bath. In the supermarket I’ll point out the fruit and veg and let her hold different items, which she loves to do!

What kinds of things might be fun for you? I love reading so we do quite a bit of that together, and we also make music with random homemade instruments (and her toys). We haven’t done much messy play yet outside of mealtime and bath, but now it’s summer that’s on the cards. Do you have a garden? Showing DD the flowers and birds usually entertains her! My DD is super social so just getting the bus somewhere rather than driving is also super stimulating for her too.

Loads of rolling around on the mat and playing in her ball pool while I drink tea on the sofa though 😂 I think it’s fine!