I want to offer a different perspective. My DD has just turned 1. From 5-10 months we coslept (from usually the first wake-up) as she was in our room still, starting the night in her cot. She was rocked, occasionally fed, to sleep. We coslept for naps and I fed her to sleep for those (unless she napped in the pram). I felt trapped, tearful and totally powerless to change it. Plus she woke a LOT - I spent much of my evening going up to settle her and often abandoned what I was doing to just go to bed and lie with her. My partner slept on the sofa most nights.
The fact that several of you have done this for YEARS is insane - a huge sacrifice and achievement to still have some sanity intact!! But I promise, you can 100% stop it if you want to.
At about 9-10 months, my DD kept biting me during feeding - eventually, she bit me so hard that the bites caused lacerations to both my nipples and they were so damaged, I couldn’t feed her anymore because they had to heal. We literally had to stop BFing in one sudden go, and she wouldn’t take milk in any other form.
So, I was forced to stop feeding her completely, including overnight and bedtime. Luckily she eats very well but as you all seem to have toddlers, that’s probably the case for you all too. Stopping BF was so sad for a few days whilst we got used to it, but she adapted within a matter of days. She had completely ‘gotten over it’ after 1-2 weeks.
Sometime around about this point, I went away overnight to a wedding and my partner did every night wakeup. He wouldn’t cosleep so she was put back in her cot every single time. The night I came back from the wedding, we moved her into her own room. This was when she was 10 months.
Not gonna lie, the first night was BAD. We were going from cosleeping to being in her own room - but, like you guys, we wanted our space and our time back. Plus we suspected some of her wakeups were due to our noises (snoring, turning in bed etc) cos she can be a light sleeper.
But after a few nights… it got easier! And a few weeks later, when she was 10.5 months, she started… SLEEPING THROUGH!
And in the midst of all this, she stopped wanting to be rocked and sang to sleep, and indicated she wanted to be put in her cot. So the baby I fed, rocked, cuddled and coslept with was suddenly asking (without words lol) to be placed in her cot awake. I would rub her back and hum, and she would drift off to sleep.
Now at 12 months, this is still the case! She goes to sleep in her cot and either sleeps through or wakes just once. She’s been poorly over the past couple of weeks so occasionally has woken and wanted cuddles so we’ve brought her into bed because obviously she needs that closeness and comfort which we would never deny her. If she needs us, we go to her quickly. But sleeping alone and independently was completely her choice.
So I know my baby’s younger than previous commenters, and I know it’s all very possible it might change or become terrible but I wanted to share that it’s totally possible to get a small part of your life back if you make a few changes. Nightweaning or full weaning would make such a huge difference, along with putting them in their own room and sticking to it. You can still go in and comfort them, they never have to be left to cry, but it’s honestly worth a try if it would give you your space and time again. I honestly thought I’d be cosleeping for years - I was so so close to just putting a mattress on the floor in her room! But then all the various events happened and I’m so glad they did because I’m still her favourite person in the world and she still wants to cuddle me but I get to sleep in my own bed again and put a bloody lamp on to read a book at night if I want, which was critical to my mental health by the end 😂
I hope this massive essay might help!