AIBU for being upset

[Sahm87]

So, me, DH and my son (9) have come away for the weekend. My son is mine from a previous marriage but gets on very well with DH.

I work super hard (but lots and lots of hours), so I really look forward to weekends away. This particular one is to celebrate my birthday but we are at a very family orientated place.

so I’ve booked activities that they both enjoy (more so than me but I just enjoy watching them have fun too).

Anyway, I’m not very well (keeping myself dosed up and trying to just ignore the fact I feel like death so I can enjoy it with them).

DH said to me a few hours ago that my son said to him ‘I swear mum is always poorly I’m sure she only does it for the attention’ - now I’m barely ever ill but on our last weekend away 6 months ago I got a horrible sickness bug on the last day.

DH said it was so funny what he said that they both laughed their heads off.

I’m upset because when I was a single parent and even now when it’s just me and my son - we have a wonderful and close relationship.

but when DH is around it’s like my son mirrors / tries to impress him saying these things - and then because DH laughs so much it continues.

my son even said once he is only nice to me when DH isn’t around. And I feel this is partly DH’s fault and have told him today I’m upset but he doesn’t see he’s done anything wrong.

I just feel like there’s not much point me going out with them tomorrow (maybe feeling sorry for myself because I’m poorly here) but all I get is a load of attitude and comments off my son and DH just laughing along.

so AIBU being so upset?

He sounds really insensitive and very unaware your son sees his behaviour as a model. Yanbu for being upset. Also perhaps working so hard is why you come down with things when you actually take a break?

Do you feel your husband takes equally loads? Do you work more earn more than him? He doesn't seem very pkugged into your emotions. Mine would know I'd be gutted to be poorly on a much looked forward to weekend.

Is he normally like this or better?

Thank you for your reply. And you are so right it’s exactly what my mum said about being ill because it’s the first time I’ve properly stopped in the last 6 months so when I do I get sick.

So my husband is great in other aspects he does all the cleaning, laundry, and will literally walk on hot coals for me if I asked. He also helps out a lot with my son. I do earn more but only technically as it is my company and he works for the company. We share money though and he’s not really a spender.

I think he knows how gutted I am to be poorly but he’s emotionally he’s a bit rubbish at putting that across. I think he’s always worked so hard on his relationship with my son that he thought this jokey stuff about me was just their fun thing. But didn’t realise how much that upsets me and also my own relationship with my son.

we’ve just had a chat and he’s apologised and said it won’t happen anymore. But it feels like that will take time as it’s so much a then vs me scenario.

we are meant to be going to the kids disco soon and honestly I feel like putting my shoes on and just going for a walk on my own as I just never feel they want me there or if I am there I’m the butt of all the jokes.