Baby failing 10 Month Questionnaire at HV check. Help :(

[aimeeeleanor]

I’ve just been sent the 10 month questionnaire for our HV check due on 19th May. Son was born on 13th July 2022, so he’s a little under 10m atm & will be a little over 10m at the visit

i’ve just been through the questionnaire & literally every single answer on communication is ‘not yet’

• he doesn’t use consonants to babble. Only blows raspberries & shouts / screams. His tongue is almost constantly out too
• He doesn’t copy mouth shapes or sounds
• he doesn’t clap or wave
• he does look where we point but doesnt point himself

He is very physical & can crawl / cruise around on the side of furniture after pulling himself up. But doesnt bend down or lower himself down yet. He can’t get back into a sitting position from all fours

His fine motor skills too aren’t great, in my opinion anyway. He can pick up toys no problem but is using a raking motion, not a pincer grasp. He also struggles to put small pieces of food in his mouth, they almost get stuck in his palm or he drops them. Though we have just switched from spoon feeding to finger foods about a week ago
He does bang toys together in each hand

He responds to his name about 50-75% of the time depending what he’s doing

He constantly opens & closes his hands too. When he plays with something he almost constantly rakes at it if that makes sense

i’m beside myself thinking something is wrong or he’s so behind. He just seems slower than other babies his age if that makes sense

i try to be a good mum but i just feel like im failing him

any stories of babies who were also behind at their 10m check & turned out to be totally fine?

thanks x

i try to be a good mum but i just feel like im failing him

You are not failing as a Mum. Whoever he is and whatever his developmental speed is, all Mums need to do is to love their children - and it sounds as though you pass that test with flying colours!

My DD did not speak till after she was 2 - we were all worried a bit - she is now a high-flying career woman in charge of European sales for a major company.

The HV tests are very crude and just indicate areas that might at some point in the future need keeping an eye on.

My baby is 10 months, we have our HV visit at 9 months in Scotland but same idea. Your baby doesn't sound behind at all! Just ahead at different things. Mine can babble, wave and use a pincer grip but only just learnt to sit independently and is a long way off crawling and cruising which yours can do! I think they all just get there at different rates. Stick with the finger foods - we got into them about 8 and a half months and she's just really clicked with it in the last fortnight. That'll help his pincer grip no end. You're definitely not failing him, you sound like a great mum!

Please don't worry. The questionnaire is for 1 year old babies. There is a BIG difference between a 10 mo baby and a 12 mo baby.

Even if your child isn't doing everything by the check in a couple of weeks, that's still not cause for concern. The HV will probably send you some play activities to help encourage your baby to develop, but milestones are so vague at this age because everyone is so different. Besides, babies don't want to cooperate with these things! I answered that my son didn't offer toys when I asked for them. Then we got home and THAT DAY he offered me whatever was in his hand!

You have not failed as a mum because your 10 mo is not living up to 12 mo expectations.

oh we had an 8 month check up and just had one at 11 months (more because if my anxiety otherwise she wouldn’t see us again until 13-15 months). We didn’t have to check any of those. My HV said they will send out those questions around 13-15 months and she already said not to worry about it all!

Also you are not failing as a mum.

the fact you are on here asking advice etc shows how much you love and care for your baby. That is not failing. That baby is lucky to have you

My DD was behind on every single development questionnaire until about 20months. And we did a few because she was also under the care of the neonatal consultants as she had a NICU stay when she was born. Then all of a sudden she seemed to have a massive development spurt all at once. Lots of words came, walking, pointing, laughing, starting to make little jokes. I'd say mention your concerns to your HV if you haven't already done so, as they might just keep an eye out, but it might be that some of these skills are coming in the next few months?

Does way more then mine did at 10 months.

I would not worry one bit.

They do go in spurts, which is just fine.

One DD had virtually no speech until very late, but when she did finally talk it came out in sentences. She was also useless at reading and everyone was wondering if she was OK when I came upon her sitting in a corner reading The Wind in the Willows! - she was just hanging on till she found something really worth reading!!

Please do not worry. Children are all different and they all get where they are going to be at their own pace. Please do not start worrying about this stuff now or you will be climbing the walls when he gets to school with all its standards and tests! Children are who they are and all in need of love.

My ds is almost 12 months old and is only doing 2 of these. He only learnt to clap today and now he's doing it all the time.

He doesn't point or look at where we point. He also doesn't really copy us, but in the past month or so he's been talking a lot himself with different sounds.

I've never thought of him as behind, he just does his own thing, not necessarily by the book, and he's happy enough so that's the most important thing.

They can't "fail" fgs.

Sounds like he's putting all his energy into cruising. Many babies that age wouldn't be cruising!

My DS put all his energy into crawling/walking/grabbing.. less bothered about social interactions. Didn't point til age 2.5 and never once waved goodbye until primary sch!!!

You say there is still 2 months until his actual check?
That is a huge amount of time in a baby's development - especially when under 1.
I really wouldn't worry.

Easier said than done, but try not to worry or compare to other babies. They are all so different and get there in their own time. Quite often those who have more strengths with mobility are slightly slower with the communication side. My little boy is 13 months and doesn't say any words compared to some other babies his age who can say many words (one has a vocabulary of 30 apparently... very questionable 😂). The 10 month form is to just start keeping track of development but it's not until the one at 2.5 years that they actually might start to 'worry' if milestones aren't being reached. At this age there is still so much time for everything to develop.

Our babies were born on the same day! I've not had mine through yet, but one of the girls from my NCT group has had hers. Don't worry, my DD is the same as your son, other than she has started to say "dada" (without knowing who dada is). She also cant cruse or crawl yet, and doesn't point or clap or wave! As some other posters have said, there's a big difference between 10m and and 12m.

At a health check my hv pronounced my 10 month child deaf and was concerned she didn't recognise a cow in her pool of farm toys. She knew all the others. She didn't respond to clapping behind her hence the worry. She was my third child I wasn't bothered I knew she was fine probably contrary on the day. She's 39 now married with own children- still doesn't listen but hears just fine..

These questionnaires always seem to make parents worry. My daughter had a 9-12 month check the day after she turned 9 months, and she had been prem so was really only 8 months. The HV had concerns following the check about her motor skills and her communication skills and booked her in for another check when she was 12 months. At 10 months she wasn't pointing, clapping, crawling or waving. I took her to baby groups and watched the other babies do all that and I worried that she was 'behind.' But then at 10.5 months she suddenly learned all those things within a few days and it seemed silly that I'd ever worried about her in the first place as it didn't matter which baby had done those things first - they all got there in the end. What will be will be with your baby, but 10 months is still very young and I would just enjoy what he can do and try not to worry too much as chances are everything else will come at his own pace.

Oh honey you are not failing at all and neither is your little one. As others are saying the questionnaire is aimed at babies of 12 months roughly and it's not a reflection on you as a mum or how capable your son is. I remember feeling like such a failure for probably the first 4 or 5 years of parenting and my heart really goes out to you. I know it might seem easy for me to say this now but I'm now at the start of the teen years and I promise my kids have thrived and amazed me. They are healthy, happy, funny, clever, silly and wonderful. And your child is and will continue to be every bit as amazing too. You are not failing at all. You are doing this mum life and you're doing it bloody well!
Have faith in yourself and your son, you really have got this and the questionnaire does not define anyone so don't let it worry you. Big hugs.

Hi... How is he doing in imitating the sounds we do? Or how about babbling?

She expected her to recognise a cow at 10 months?!
I don’t know if my almost 1 year old recognises animals lol she doesn’t tell me. She doesn’t point. She doesn’t copy sounds. She makes her own sounds. The health visitor is not worried. she does recognise food lol. And she dances while leaning on the sofa. She’s my dancing foodie lol

Hey @aimeeeleanor , how is your baby now please? X