Can’t cope with Teen

[StressednDepressed]

Name changed. Please be kind I’m hanging on by the skin of my fingernails.

my son is 16. He was a model kid in every way and so so kind, quiet, clever. He has, through none of our faults, had a few traumas (2 bereavements, bullying (mainly by girls) divorce, repeated house moves)

gradually since the age of 13 he’s become so nasty at home. He’s ok at school but has had a few fights but not a problem kid at school. Thing is he has become a racist, mysogenistic, transphobic.. in fact he seems to hate everyone and everything apart from his narcissistic father. He hates me the absolute most.

Daily he swears at me, calls me names, does completely nonsensical things like walk our dog through a mud bath and then sits on our white sofas. He has no common sense. He is so messy and lazy. He does Cook for himself and do his laundry but will flat out refuse to do anything for anyone else or minimise his effect on the house.

he is estranged completely from his brother and they haven’t spoken a word to eachother in over a year.

I strongly suspect he has autism but he won’t get an assessment as he hates autistic people too and thinks it’s for attention. He thinks any suggestion he has a mental health issue is also nonsense and has zero sympathy/beleifs in it.

he Was definitely not raised like this! . I’ve tried everything… Carrot, stick, extra love, pleading, crying, reasoning..

He is good with animals generally and has a genuine love of them but even that seems to be diminishing..
he’s just awful and I’m scared for his future.

Hey..I've jsut come across this.
I'm struggling with my 13 year old son, too :( He's angry, selfish, has called me names a few times.
He was good in primary school but problems started in lockdown I'd say. Also, academically he used to be in the first 3 top (primary school).

Everything's changed. Frequent phone calls from his secondary school, disruptive in lessons, refusing blank to do homework, an average student now cause he can't be bothered.

When I read your post I felt for you as I have a similar problem:( Didn't want to read and run.

Was hoping to see some replies to your post but nothing.

I hope it's the hormones in both cases. Probably with some added emotional anger etc

It's hard isn't it? Girls are easier in my experience, my daughters aren't like this..

Good luck to us both!

@SoInLuv thanks so much. Sorry you are going through it as well.. it might be hopefully a short lived phase? Have you thought about therapy? My younger son also was a bit like what you describe for a while but he’s actually doing great now I think it was anxiety.

had actually forgotten about this post! Funnily enough I’m up because we just had another big row in which he must have slung every single thing I’ve ever done at me.. every mistake real or imagined at me and made out I’m the worst mother and human pretty much.. he remembers everything bad and nothing of all the good I’ve done. I’m now crying quietly and thinking thank god I have my other son because otherwise I’d probably unalive myself. He is off school now and has been for ages since he’s sat his GCSEs now so my days off work are pretty awful and I feel guilty for wishing he wasn’t here. I love him so much and just want him to be a nice person. I said sorry tonight for all my mistakes and I really mean it but I also know there’s not a parent in the world that doesn’t make them.. but he doesn’t understand that. I’m up at 6 for work but I’m just so exhausted mentally I don’t know how I’m going to get through the day.

hugs 🤗 thanks for listening I feel a bit better just for having written it down lol! Xxx