Toddler Prefers Dad

[Aims17]

DH has always been very hands on with DS which is great and I love the relationship they have but for the past week, I have felt completely pushed aside :( It’s like DS just wouldn’t notice if I left and didn’t come back at the moment. When I pick him up from nursery, we get home and he runs straight to DH but then today when he picked him up, he got home, looked at me and just sort of trundled off in the other direction. It broke my heart. I just feel like I’ve lost that bond I had with DS - he’s always been pretty clingy with me and now I feel like I’m just sat on the sidelines. I feel like I’m just second best now, or third best actually - I took him to a farm at the weekend with my mum and step dad and he was more interested in interacting with them than me! We’re having a big party next week and I’m so anxious at the thought of being humiliated when DS shows zero interest in me. It’s not even as if DH only does the fun stuff and that’s why DS is favouring him - he does an equal share of nappies, bath, bed etc. Is it normal for toddlers to go through favourite phases?! I know I sound pathetic and needy…I know I shouldn’t care but my heart physically hurts because it’s as if I’m just irrelevant and I start to wonder if maybe I’ve done something to cause this?

No need to worry, totally normal. They all have this phase.
My two swap back and forth at the moment, both 1 and 3yo massively in a Daddy phase.
Ride it out, keep up with yo ur normal interactions and they’ll come back.

It’s a great sign of secure attachment. He can relaxed about knowing you’ll always be there. Being a parent is ultimately about ultimately letting them fly solo. Toddlers give you the first taste of what it is like to have teenagers. You need to be a safe place they can always land when they need you but you need to give them space to flap those wings.

I have this with DD. It’s so heartbreaking at times.
You have my empathy

This is so normal but I agree, it can be heartbreaking! Mine clung to me for the first year or so and then switched. She then spent so long being daddy's girl, but now I think she's leaning towards me again. DH is a bit cheesed off but it's my turn! 😆

Totally normal. When dd was a baby she wanted me all the time. She’d cry if I left the room. I would go to the toilet and her dad would carry her to the bathroom and stand in the doorway so she could keep an eye on me.

He felt like you do now. I reassured him that it would be his turn soon. And sure enough it eventually happened.

It goes back and forth. She’s older now. Still loves having one on one time with each of us and sometimes wants just daddy or mummy, but there are times when she wants both of us. Especially for the purpose of fulfilling our character roles she has allocated to us for her pretend play game she’s invented. Or being an audience member for her live performances.

My toddler son is 19 months old and has always preferred his Dad to me, his Mum. It’s really heartbreaking as I do everything to try and do fun thing with him and earn his affection but it just seems that he cares way more for his dad. It really upsets me, I can’t lie. I would love for him to call out for me as he calls out for his dad every time he leaves the room. I don’t know what I am doing wrong. Maybe I’m just not the fun one.. I am the one who cleans, cooks, works and does the mundane stuff. I just never got to be “the favourite”.. don’t think I will at this stage.

Thank you everyone for your responses 🙂 it’s made me feel relieved it’s quite common. It seems to be different everyday at the moment… DS has been wanting us both equally or maybe had a slight preference but the last few days it’s like I may as well not exist again and if anything he’s been worse - actually pushing me away and going in the other direction if I hold out my hand whereas DH gets him running up and clinging to his leg. Just trying to take what everyone has said on board, act like normal and let myself have a little cry in the shower if I need to. I think I just feel a bit humiliated because all the babies/toddlers we know are very much in favour of mum so I start to wonder if maybe we’re not bonded as much as I thought we were and that maybe he only wanted me more as I was breastfeeding and now he doesn’t need me for milk, I may as well just go away. Urgh. It’s lovely to think that it’s because he’s so securely attached to me but sadly it does feel like he isn’t attached to me at all.

I feel you Nes888 😞You definitely haven’t done anything wrong though, I’m sure it’s just a phase (that’s what I’m hoping anyway 😊) x

I do Hope it’s just a phase too. It’s truly disheartening when you try your best to make your son happy and safe and not matter what you do he still just shouts out for “Dada”. Hope things get better for you @Aims17

I have the exact same situation with my just tunred 2 year old :/ absolutely obsessed with daddy, asks for him, runs to him, wants daddy if upset and just completely ignores me and it breaks my heart. It's made me feel like I've lost the bond with him :( completely get you...hopefully it will even out one day. DD on the other hand completely mummy's girl!