Using phone too much around toddler

[Momo2022]

Hi

I think I use my one in too much around my one year old. It’s just when it’s just the two of us.

its not all the time. Take him out a lot to groups, music class, sensory class, swimming, the park, library etc. And on play dates. But some days, like today we haven’t been very busy. I find myself using my phone too much. I’m worried this will impact on him long term so how do i stop?

I know it’s good for him to okay independently sometimes but I would rather it’s when I was doing chores, cooking, or doing something healthy for my self like reading etc. You know being productive. Showing him better habits. I don’t want him to be addicted like me.

he is so far developing normally

Soemtimes I wonder if I’m not as happy as I should be? Why do I depend on my phone so much and looking things up. Every time a thought pops into my head I have to look it up. Or I’m constantly researching things for my toddler, ideas for next birthday for my toddler etc etc or worries about something so I have to research it until I feel ok about it.
mom ok if we are busy doing something together. I cook from scratch and we listen to a lot of music.
how do I use my phone less around my toddler?

I'm definitely guilty of this! (sitting here on mumsnet while my toddler sits on my knee... better take him to the swings)

I've lately got in to non-screen hobbies. Reading an actual book, of course; I was given a paint by numbers lately so that's good fun. I play a couple of instruments, so trying to do that again. Recently started knitting; I'm making a scarf for next winter. It's all about what hobbies you enjoy that don't involve your phone.

And on that note, better set thing thing down and go to the swings 😂

Most people these days are addicted to screens, or use screens more than they'd like. So you're not alone.

Looking after a toddler is boring a lot of the time. You have in your pocket a device that can answer any question, show you any media you can think of, you can contact anyone you know, you can play music, play a film, play a game, it delivers you instant serotonin hits of scrolling through social media content. Why wouldn't you use it for entertainment and distraction?

But yes I'd agree it isn't great to model that behaviour to small children continuously, and you do risk spending all day mentally "elsewhere" and not directly engaging with them. There are various apps you can use that lock out your phone or particular apps on your phone for periods of time - if you can't trust yourself to think I'll not touch it for X minutes or half an hour or whatever.

Try small chunks of time - don't think I'll not touch it all day or you'll instantly fail and give up. Just, I'll spend ten minutes solidly playing with the toddler, fully engaged, won't touch my phone. Then ten minutes where you can look at your phone. That sort of thing.

@DragonbornMum
@givemushypeasachance

thanks you both for your advice and also for making me feel less bad. Good to know I’m not the only one.

move actually just spent half an hour playing musical instruments with my toddler - banging drums and ringing bells to rock music 😂 it’s a lot of fun. It’s actually something my is really into - music.

but the hobbies are a good idea. Because I do want to be able to do something more productive at times where we are not directly engaging too. While my LO plays with toys or looks at books. I do think it’s good for him to be independent at times, but don’t want him seeing all I do is sit on my phone! (He’s to young to talk yet but I do want to change now…)
also I guess we’ve been in a bubble just the two of us mostly for so long?

maybe I can get to keep phone for nap times ….
although I’m on here now and my LO is not napping :/

going to go and build towers :D

Oh and I’ll look into the app thing! Yes little steps :)

I didn't have a smart phone when mine were young, it must be really hard not to be distracted. The thing I'd be worried about is not talking to the DC sufficiently. Anecdotally I've heard about children turning up at preschool age 3-4 with lower language skills than previous generations.

I wonder whether keeping your phone elsewhere might help, eg in your hall or something or high on a bookcase? And turn off message notifications?

When my DC were small we had a 'no TV in the mornings rule'. Perhaps give yourself a 'no phone before lunch' rule or something and see how you go?

That makes me sound ancient, but my youngest is still at college, but it has been such a rapid change.

Thanks @TeenDivided
i am worried about my child’s development if I continue down this path.
yes I’m going to try hiding my phone away at certain times. Thank you 🙏

I think you're being too hard on yourself! You sound like a great mum, you do loads with your toddler and even on your phone some of what you're doing is looking up things for your toddler. But I know what you mean and I'm the same with my phone, it's so easy to just pick up my phone and scroll through something instead of trying to focus on a book or get up and go and fold the washing etc. maybe try leaving your phone in a different room for part of the day or if you have an iPhone you can use the screen time settings to set limits on certain apps. Maybe set a timer for yourself when on your phone.