4 week old cries all day and will not sleep

[LilyDaniels]

Since my baby has been born, I suspected he had reflux and also a possible cows milk allergy due to blood in his stools. The doctor advised me to try and cut out dairy, which I have been.
My baby is so unsettled, particularly during the day.
The most sleep at night I've had in once at stretch since he was born is 3hrs.
During the day, unless we go out for a walk he will not sleep. I carry him and he cries. He is only satisfied whilst feeding (I breastfeed). He falls asleep on the boob as when I move him to his crib or moses basket he cries.
I really am struggling to get anything done, let alone nap when he naps as he just doesn't!
If I knew for sure giving up breastfeeding and starting him on formula would help I would, but I geuss it's not guaranteed.
I see other mums online and i feel like I'm the only mum in the world with a newborn who won't sleep!

Side note, I have tried dummies (he gags and spits out).

Ah please don’t think you’re alone, my first was similar to this - all she wanted to do was breastfeed but she wouldn’t settle well anywhere else. At one point, I felt like I spent my life with her on my knee on the boob whilst I just read books… have you googled ‘the fourth trimester’? It might just help you feel not too bad about ‘getting things done’ and it might help you relax.

personally, I would continue breastfeeding.., the effort you put in now with it pays dividends in a few months time when they are poorly and they need to be settled etc.

im sure some other MNs will be along soon with more helpful advice about the sleeping and settling issue. For now, plenty of cuddles and be easy on yourself, you’re not alone xxx

Big hug OP! The first few weeks are tough and you are doing a fantastic job.

I breastfed and found it very difficult to get him to settle at night as he just kept wanting boob so we tried a few things which seemed to help. Firstly we warmed the bed up with a hot water bottle before putting him in it to help with the transition from leaving the warmth of your body. I also recommend baby sleeping bags so that when you need to get him in and out of bed at night you don't have to faff around with tucking in blankets and potentially disturbing baby.

The game changer for us was to give a bottle of formula before bedtime (but i continued to breastfeed for all other feeds). This filled him so that he would fall asleep for several hours and stop the "snacking" behaviour that he seemed to have during the night. I am still doing this at 4 months and he now sleeps until 7 in the morning. Some people would advise that this could disrupt your supply but if you feel you have a good established supply then it could be worth a go.

Switching to formula won’t necessarily help so only switch if there are other reasons you want to stop breastfeeding and you’re totally sure about it. Mine was formula fed and only contact napped (or pram napped) until she was 8 months. Except for the pram the only way I could get her to nap was with a dummy lying on me and she would wake as soon as transferred to the cot despite sleeping well in the cot at night after the first few months. Sleep when the baby sleeps was some of the worst advice I was given!

Some people try a sling if they want to get on and do stuff but I never found it very comfortable. Co-sleeping for naps could be another option if it works for you but I opted just to enjoy the cuddles why they last and forget about getting stuff done.

I think you just have to accept that right now baby just need to breastfeed almost all of the time. At 4 weeks your supply is still building up and letting him stay in the boob will help with that.

Spend a few days just on the sofa, skin to skin with lots of breastfeeding and see how he gets on. Let yourself have that time too. Get other people to prepare meals etc. don’t worry about the washing or the cleaning.

Hopefully it’s just a phase and won’t last too long. They change so quickly at that age!

If you think baby has allergies then finding a formula that works for them can be really difficult.

Sounds very normal for a breastfed baby, remember sm posts aren’t real life. It’s one of the reasons most give up breastfeeding.

Hey have you tried using a sling? My little boy was similar and a sling saved my life. Look on Google and see if there's a sling library near you. You can go and try a variety of styles with a consultant and then hire one for the month (usually £10-15 a month to hire). Hope it helps

It takes 6 weeks to see if cutting dairy makes a difference (3 weeks to leave your system then 3 weeks to leave theirs). Keep persevering, you're doing a great job. It's such a guessing game.

My first was like this and two things helped...cutting dairy and osteopath. He had tension in his back and chest, and after the osteopath session, he was able to lie down on his back without screaming. It was the first time DH and I saw him open his eyes and look around the room (before he just screamed all the time and slept on his side cause of the pain).

I am assuming this is your only child? Are you on maternity leave?

If so, I agree with other posters that you should go with the flow. In the great scheme of things it doesn’t matter if your house becomes a mess, or you eat rubbish food for the next few months. Hopefully your partner is around to pick up the slack.

I believe women buy into the lie that we can be all things to all people all of the time. At the moment you are a mum to a new life and if you feel that is taking up 100% of your time, then let it (unless the break is for you and you alone).

I believe in China there used to be a custom where a woman stayed at home with her newborn for a month. No visitors, no visiting.

I tried to carry on ‘as normal’ when my Dc was born. Looking back down the years in hindsight, I wish I’d followed the Chinese custom.

Someone said to me at the time “if you can’t keep things up to you usual expectations, just lower your expectations’

I hope your baby starts to settle more soon.

@HappyHolidays22 thank you for the reassurance. I will read up on the fourth trimester!

@Fleabea once I eventually get him settled for the night he's not too bad. He has me up probably 3 times between 9pm and 6am and although I don't get long sleep stretches he settles really well most of the time in the night after each feed. Its the day time, i.e 6am till 9pm that I struggle with as he will not sleep. he has a sleeping bag at night but in the day I obviously don't use it and not do I want to keep the room dark and quiet, although I have tried and it's as if he is just fully aware it's day time. Even in my arms he may drop off for 5 mins after a feed then he will be wide awake again screaming. The only thing that stops him is more boob!

@trrk thank you - I have tried a sling but it's more of an 'outdoorsy' one. He did sleep in if for an hour a few nights ago whilst I made dinner and I was over the moon, but unfortunately that didn't continue and he's cried in it every time since. If he seemed to enjoy my cuddles for longer then 5 minutes without crying I wouldn't mind so much. @HayleyBean thanks for advice re sling, see reply above to trrk :( hasn't worked so far but maybe I've got the wrong type.

@PinkPlantCase thanks, I agree re the formula, even if I did decide to stop breastfeeding, I would have the faff of trying to find dairy free alternatives. I have been trying to have days just on the sofa, I do find it hard though and almost easier when out and about as he will sleep in the pram, trouble is after a day out I am absolutely shattered! My mum does come and help when she can so I can get a few hours sleep in but she of course has her own life to live. My partner works full time and is out from 7-7.. leaving me to sort the dinner in time to settle the baby before I attempt an early night.

@FernGully43 thanks you! I read this online but my gp said she thinks dairy should be out of my system within 24hrs! I'll be honest she didn't seem very knowledgeable. I may try osteopath, sounds promising!

@Isheabastard yes he is my first child. I'm on maternity leave. My partner works long hours so I only really got help from him during the first two weeks which was great, I have missed him since. When he is around he just cries in his arms too, so I still find it incredibly difficult to relax / do anything. But you're right, the house being a mess really doesn't matter and isn't my priority. My priority is my baby and I just can't bare to think he is over tired nor do I like hearing him cry all day. I like the sound of the Chinese rule! Thank you for your words of advice.

In which case I think your partner needs to step up to support you both more.

He could meal prep in the evenings to sort food for you to have the next day.

At the point he falls asleep during a feed, are you sure he's actually finished feeding?

My DD was an incredibly slow breastfeeder. She took 55 minutes to complete a feed and would still need another feed three hours later. I spent literally 1/3 of my time breastfeeding until she was about 3 months old!

The fattening milk isn't accessible at the start of a feed so it's important that they feed for long enough to get to it or they'll be hungry and crotchety.

Gps tend to be fairly clueless when it comes to cmpa. It took 3 weeks for my son's crying to reduce but the last Symptom to go was his mucousy nappies...that took 6 weeks. There's a Facebook group called cmpa breastfeeding - definitely join that if you have Facebook. It's so helpful.

Agree with the general sentiment of others… sometimes a Velcro baby is just what’s handed to us! However, I read your post not as you wanting to stop bf or holding your baby but as you wanting sleep - which is completely reasonable. You can have an EBF baby and get some sleep.
My brief suggestions would be to look into awake windows for 4 week olds, and try to actively support your baby in napping as much as you would feeding. As PP suggested, great latch, big feeds, then you could try introducing tried and tested sleep associations such as a nice tight swaddle (arms up or arms down - mine preferred arms down), white noise as loud as a shower, warm the bassinet, try side-settling (video here https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ii637ngV_2Q) or if already asleep, lay down feet first to avoid him feeling like he’s falling.
He doesn’t have a circadian rhythm right now but from six to eight weeks you might want to start looking at blackout blinds etc to try and promote melatonin production and long stretches of sleep. I know you said you didn’t want baby napping in the dark but if it gets you a 2h nap then you might be more on board with the idea!
it’s a tough age. Keep going; you’re doing a wonderful job bf and cuddling through the tears x