Do kids get harder the less you have them?

[NoFault2023]

Until recently my kids were home with me 4 days a week. It seemed pretty uncomplicated and a nice balance of children/work.

I’ve recently upped to 4 days, because I had little choice - the way my work was dictated it and a contract ended. The market looks worrying and it didn’t seem a good time to start over. Aside from the extra day my job is pretty good and provides good flexibility with the kids. It doesn’t work financially as my fourth day somehow costs me money over and above the extra childcare. The extra tax etc just eats it up and I come out with less than when I did 3 (after childcare).

My DH has a very involved job and so I do everything with the kids. DH frequently stays away and if not away work dictates he doesn’t see the kids during waking hours.

Im not sure if it’s a mindset thing but I don’t think the children (nearly 2 and 4) actually seem to cope that well with the extra day childcare. 4 year old keeps asking to stay home. Nearly 2 wakes frequently in the night again and I think he’s looking for more comfort.

I now find my day off with them hard work. I make plans but I’m just shattered and I feel like the children are more intense? Is it just because it’s less habitual?

Am I making sense - what’s your experience?

It doesn't sound like it's suiting you at all with the extra day, financially ir emotionally xxx

The kids will be more tired taking on an extra day and no doubt will miss you more and home more.

As a parent i do think the more you spend away from kids the harder it is to be in the swing of things when you are with them. I certainly didn't do well swinging between adult working time table one day, mum timetable the next. I could do either separately perfectly but they swing between the two had me struggling. Being on a toddler level all day is exhausting but you do get use to it if you are in it daily. Breaking it with days where you are fully on an adult level like for work makes the toddlers days harder to get into. At least it did for me.

Honestly if its not financially viable and it's making things harder for you and the kids it wouldnt hurt to look around for something else. Im not saying jump ship immediately but cant hurt to take a look at other options while you have the safety of still working - there might be a wonderful opportunity out there you would never know about if you didnt keep an eye on the job market. My friend has recently found an amazing job in a beautiful listed building doing weddings, leaving her city career in finance for dust. No more long commutes to London, no more paying for expensive fares, she gets back a good 4hrs a day she wasted travelling to and from work everyday. More time with the kids, with the money saved on fares and extra child care she could afford to do a few less hours... It was just pure coincidence she happened to be looking for something for a friend and found it. She is so much calmer and happier, kids too and financial better off as well. New job is also happy for her to wfh if kids are sick.