Can anyone help me before a snap at my fiver year old?

[idontknow54789]

My DS is 5 - he has always been incredibly clingy to me. He was a very 'intense' baby - was a terrible sleeper, demanded a lot of attention, wanting to be held all the time etc. As he's grown up this intensity has just got worse. A few examples - if I'm trying to cook he'll either insist he wants to help me or just follow me around, standing on my toes, chatting incessantly. If I'm in the shower he will sit outside asking how many more minutes/second I will be. If he wants to do some drawing he wants me to sit next to him, do it with him etc.

My DH can't do anything. This morning he screamed for nearly an hour because my DH made him some toast and he 'wanted mummy to do it'. I sat with him, telling him to breathe, calm down etc and I refused to make him the toast - I don't want him to get away with these things. Eventually after an hour he ate the toast - but it just makes our mornings so stressful and I can't get anything done.

I haven't had a lie in in years (he gets up at 5:30). He'll scream that he wants me to get up, not DH. When he was younger my DH could just pick him up and force him to go down - even if he screamed. But now he'll just climb into my bed and constantly ask how many more minutes (he'll actually count the seconds down).

My two year old is now starting to copy him so making it twice as bad.

He'll also not go to any clubs or swimming lessons etc. We stuck out swimming lessons for nearly a year but the most he would do it sit by the side of the pool - and that was a good day we actually managed to get him out of the house. My DH would usually take him so that wasn't really a case of him not going in without me - just being stubborn.

He is getting on very well at school (he's in reception) - he can read really well and will read independently (with me in very close proximity obviously). He's also incredible at maths and is constantly asking me to do sums for him to work out.

What else can I do? The meltdowns are getting ridiculous and he is STUBBORN. Is this normal? Everyone else I see their children happily go to clubs, just seem much more chilled. Even if DH suggests taking them to soft play at the weekend he would rather opt for staying at home and just following me round the house while I do chores. Now he's older we can't 'force' him out.

The only way I can avoid bedtime is going out after work and not getting back until 9 - and while this is tempting every night I'd quite like to come home!

Thanks for attacking me on the basis of my personal experience.

It is indeed normal for children to be egocentric to a point. I never said it wasn't.

Mumsnet: where giving advice from personal experience gets you a kick in the teeth

Have you just tried talking to him at the time or afterwards when he is calm. Does he see you go out to do things for yourself/see friends?

Hi Op, my 3.5 year old is like this and always has been although it now comes in waves in terms of how intense it is. Sometimes it's exactly as you describe, ds will get distressed sitting in a trolley that I'm pushing because I can't push it and hold his hand at the same time 😬 However, at other times he's more relaxed, will play with DH (his dad) happily for a bit while I cook or shower etc. It's quite random really. I know mine is younger so not sure how helpful this is but the only thing that helped here was DH just being very resilient, not taking it personally (absolutely easier said than done!) and gradually things have improved, unless D's is at a peak. Getting him settled playing or watching something then me just casually popping off to do something helps, I built it up so at first I'd literally just get up to grab a drink and come straight back. But I had to go into hospital for 6 days over Christmas (incredible timing, as always) and we were shocked at how well he coped. Saying that, he still won't go to bed for anyone but me. He'll happily sit and fall asleep to stories on the sofa with DH or my parents if I'm not around but it's much later as he needs to basically pass out from exhaustion. He finds it really hard to wind down at the best of times. Like your Ds, if I'm not actually there it's not too bad, it's the actual physical separation he really struggles with.

Also, a pp commented on the other parents dragging out goodbye instead of being light and breezy about it. It doesn't always work! It certainly makes no difference to my Ds and after it being an everyday occurrence for literally years, it's very hard to stay breezy (it's also really obvious when you're forcing it, kids aren't stupid) I think many parents at the nursery gates think similar about me but as it makes no difference to how my son is, I'd rather give him a hug, say I know how he feels but he'll have fun and I'll see him soon etc.

Op my son is currently on a waiting list for a paediatric appointment as hv and nursery along with us flagged up a few things (he's also very sensitive to fabric, smells, noise etc) and although he's very clever, chatty, happy mostly, he's obviously very sensitive and we're not sure if he's just a sense kid or maybe more to it.

My DD is exactly like this, she's now 7 and we think she's on the spectrum