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Single mum guilt/regret

3 replies

Daisies221 · 02/05/2023 21:19

I became pregnant with my son at 19 with my ex partner who I’d been with for 1.5 years at that point.
I wanted to have an abortion but he talked me out of it. He reassured me that everything was going to be okay and I ended up giving birth last year.
Fast forward to now. He is an abusive piece of shit. He started putting his hands on me, I’ve had to call the police and get a restraining order. He would call me names after I’d gave birth like say I’m ugly, my body is dead etc.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I didn’t know the ‘real’ him till I had his baby.
My son is 1 now and I love him so much but I can’t help but still feel so bad about the choices I’ve made. I feel awful that I didn’t choose a better man for him to call dad. I feel guilty that he can’t have a 2 parent household. I know rationally that it isn’t my fault and I was took advantage of (his dad also lied about his age when we first me, so he was 10 years older than me when he told me he was 2 years older.)
I feel like he is a predator and I was his prey. And I’m kinda disgusted that I had a baby with him. I wouldn’t change my son or anything about, he’s perfect. But I still regret it in a way?
Has anyone felt like this , I know it might not make sense like how can you say you’re son is perfect but still regret him? I know if I had him with someone else he wouldn’t be ‘him’ but I just look at him sometimes and think he deserves the whole world and feel sad that I can’t give it to him.

OP posts:
Wotsitmom2022 · 02/05/2023 22:06

I think the fact that you what to give him the world means eventually you can. It might not happen overnight, but you both deserve better. Working towards giving him the life he deserves is the best you can do and he’s lucky to have you. Some kids have no living parents. One parent who loves you so much is better than none. And please try not to regret what you can’t change. You didn’t make a bad choice in keeping your son. You can still give home the world :)

Daisies221 · 02/05/2023 22:14

@Wotsitmom2022 Thankyou, that’s really kind of you to say. And it does put things in to perspective. It’s just hard not to compare when u see families all happy together and I internalise it and feel like maybe I didn’t deserve that or I’m just not lucky enough.

OP posts:
LadyJ2023 · 02/05/2023 22:23

Good on you for actually having your son.12 years ago I left an abusive violent marriage with my month old son and never looked back. For the first 2 years i struggled getting back on my feet and after that things just got better. Almost 13 he is my oldest and i love him dearly he also has 3 younger siblings and a man he proudly calls dad. Dont worry you are more than enough for your boy and hopefully you will get lucky and find the right man who will treat your son like his own same as I found when i wasn't even looking to date lol

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