I became pregnant with my son at 19 with my ex partner who I’d been with for 1.5 years at that point.
I wanted to have an abortion but he talked me out of it. He reassured me that everything was going to be okay and I ended up giving birth last year.
Fast forward to now. He is an abusive piece of shit. He started putting his hands on me, I’ve had to call the police and get a restraining order. He would call me names after I’d gave birth like say I’m ugly, my body is dead etc.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I didn’t know the ‘real’ him till I had his baby.
My son is 1 now and I love him so much but I can’t help but still feel so bad about the choices I’ve made. I feel awful that I didn’t choose a better man for him to call dad. I feel guilty that he can’t have a 2 parent household. I know rationally that it isn’t my fault and I was took advantage of (his dad also lied about his age when we first me, so he was 10 years older than me when he told me he was 2 years older.)
I feel like he is a predator and I was his prey. And I’m kinda disgusted that I had a baby with him. I wouldn’t change my son or anything about, he’s perfect. But I still regret it in a way?
Has anyone felt like this , I know it might not make sense like how can you say you’re son is perfect but still regret him? I know if I had him with someone else he wouldn’t be ‘him’ but I just look at him sometimes and think he deserves the whole world and feel sad that I can’t give it to him.