How would this situation impact a young child? Opinions needed

[TryingtodothebestIcan]

Hi all, I know I’ll get some great opinions and knowledge here, and all are welcome. If they can be linked to any professional studies/research then even better. Your contributions on this topic will hopefully help a child have a much happier life J. The below if the situation, I’m looking for opinions on how this would impact a child – to help bolster my argument on getting this resolved.

A child, less than 2 years old has been raised by parents A and B, all living together. From birth to 11 months old, parent B cared for the child 70%+ of the time, 100% during the night and feeding, playing, nappy changes and comforting etc during the day. Parent A cared for the child approximately 30% of the time during the day, again, feeding, playing, comforting etc.

Parent A has an anger management issue (although will not admit to it and will not seek any help), this indirectly impacts the child. Parent A, on and off, randomly and for no valid/recognisable reason shouts and screams at parent B, not necessarily for any issue relating to the care of the child. This happens both in the presence of the child and also occurs when the child is not present (sleeping). Usually it’s for every basic things literally like the bananas I bought are too green or too yellow – things that I’d never feel the need to shout about, or I bought the wrong brand of something – the shouting will start before I even get chance to say that’s the only brand they had.. It’s just ridiculous. (I’ve spoken to midwives and other services about this – but this how to stop this isn’t the question).

Parent A left the home and took the child, this was a unilateral decision, no discussion or negotiation about this – they didn’t even have another place lined up and went into temporary accommodation and moved around every few days, despite parent B wanting the child to stay in the home and would happily facilitate all contact that parent A wanted. Parent B was prevented from seeing the child for 7 weeks, and missed the child’s first birthday L - Parent B was falsely accused of domestic abuse. After 7 weeks Parent A and child returned to live with parent B. Before, this the child was very comfortable with parent B, but after 7 weeks was a bit reluctant to get close to parent B, this lasted a day or so, and then was very happy with parent B again.

The shouting and aggression calmed down for about 2 months, but then gradually returned to be the same daily situation again. Parent A and parent B and child continued living together until the child was 21 months old. It continued to be parent B providing the vast majority of care. From around 15 months old to 21 months old, parent B almost exclusively cared for the child 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and had an extremely close bond with the child. At 21 months, the same situation repeated, parent A unilaterally removed the child from the care of parent B, again took the child to stay in temporary accommodation and parent B has been prevented from seeing the child for 6 weeks. Parent B has again been accused of domestic abuse, they strongly deny this but again this isn’t the question. In addition the child had been attending nursery 2 days a week since around 18 months and had settled, Parent A has removed them from nursery, presumably to prevent parent B from seeing them.

So the question is what are the opinions on the impact this kind of uprooting, sudden prevention from seeing a loving parent and frequently changing accommodation, would this have on a child of this age, and considering this has now happened twice before the child is 21 months old.

It seems instinctively wrong, the child needs stability. The child will be harmed emotionally, but this is hard to prove and immeasurable. The child may develop attachment issues, communication issues, emotional and relationship issues even when they grow up? Could also influence behavioural issues, depression and anxiety?

It’s such an awful situation, to see a child being deprived of an entire half of their family tree. If you take the assumption that there genuinely is no domestic abuse issues presented by parent B, in fact the domestic abuse is towards parent B. Parent B has to live a life of misery, helpless, knowing their child is unnecessarily put at higher risks of the above issues, knowing this before it happens but still helpless to prevent it L - parent B is doing everything they can legally to correct this and minimise any issues, hence the post to get wider opinions and if there’s any official research that could support the legal argument.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Is the temporary accommodation a DV shelter?

There is something missing in this story. Before anyone can give advice, you need to be upfront about what the actual situation is.

I'm taking a guess on parent A being dad and parent B being mum?
It would be much easier if we know who is who.
I think by almost 2 years old it must be very upsetting for the child to be altogether with family then suddenly whisked away and not see one parent for weeks on end. They must be wondering where the other parent is and why they haven't seen them.

As a single parent who split with ex when child was 6 months old (child is now nearly 9years old) I can say they don't seem to remember anything from under the age of 3 and even age 3 memories are a bit patchy. So while I don't think it has lasting damage at that age it would certainly be confusing and upsetting for the child in the moment.

Sounds like a DV sort of situation and I don't think Parent A and B should be together as it is a very negative environment. Maybe a chat with Women's Aid might be helpful?

@SiouxsieSiouxStiletto - I have no idea, the first time it was hotels, this time I've no idea, but it could be a DV shelter - unless they need some actual evidence to gain access, in that case it can't be. Thanks for the post

@Holly60 - Thanks for the post. I know it sounds unbelievable, it is unbelievable to me, but sadly, it is true. There are of course some details missing, but there's genuinely nothing missing that parent B has done to cause this reaction from parent A - in anycase, the question is about the impact on the child?

@23Elfie - Thanks for the post. The reason I'm not mentioning the gender, is I don't want there to be any gender bias in the replies. If I get enough similar comments from people then I will reveal the gender of parent A and B, but you might be surprised.. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but it sounds like you've done a great job for a single parent.

I 100% completely agree, parent A and B should not be together. I couldn't put every detail in the post but parent A and B have not been in a relationship since the child was around 6 months old. Parent A has been living with parent B as it was convenient for them. Parent B has regularly had to ask parent A to move out (parent B owns the house), only for the fact that their attitude, anger and aggression issues are bad for the child. Parent A refused to move out, parent B didn't have the heart to place parent A on the street, and knew parent A would use the child as a weapon in revenge.. truly awful situation.

I’m guessing Parent A is the mum?

@Idontgetitatall - Maybe lol