To let 3 year old see dead family pet?

[Whathefisgoingon]

MIL has just had the family dog put down, they have got him home to bury and DP has just called to say he’s collecting DS(3) up from nursery to take him up there to say goodbye.

I said I wasn’t sure it was appropriate and he may be too young, but he said he did some reading and thinks it is important he get to say goodbye. I said he can say goodbye but he’s not witnessing the actual burial.

What does everyone else think?

I should add he’s just turned 3!

It's fine in my opinion, a good life lesson even, (not the same for a road accident etc obviously) but be there to answer questions

I wouldn’t no.

Just too young and will think sleeping.

But it sounds like your partner is planning on doing it with not without your consent

so you just have to make the best of it when he returns, and just maybe a quiet evening, lots of cuddles

When a poster talks about toddlers and “life lessons” I always have a chuckle

although thankfully and sensibly rare

@Bamboozleme No, if I say it’s a no then he’ll bring him home.

I just don’t want to make the wrong decision. I don’t think it’ll do him any harm not going, really, but is it a valuable lesson at this age?

This link might be helpful. I think it does depend a bit on the child and their relationship with the dog. I think generally being open and allowing them to be involved can be helpful to understand death is part of life.

Children do deal with death and grief differently from adults. Sometimes it's harder for the adults to deal with the difficult / blunt questions etc. children can ask.

https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-loss-support-children-missing-my-friend

I probably wouldn't really as he's a bit young to get his head around what "dead" means. He won't understand the whys and wherefores of saying goodbye. If he were a couple of years older, I'd consider it.

Way too young.

A valuable lesson?

at just turned 3?

there is plenty of time for that.

I think it is a good idea. There is so much taboo about death which is a part of life and inevitable. The sooner children accept it as normal the better. I have known children who are absolutely terrified of death because parents and adults around them try to shield them from it. I was never afraid of death because I saw one of my grandmothers after she died when I was a child (and she did look beautiful).

As long as your beloved dog looks peaceful I do not see any problem. However your little one must not think the dog is just asleep, that could lead to fears when the burial takes place.

It's not an easy subject though so I understand your concerns, op. However it will be all right as long as it is handled sensitively.

I'm so sorry your dog has died. I've lost pets too and know how sad it can be.

I think it is the right thing to do. Death is something we all have to face but it's become such a taboo subject for many. I think children deal with it in a very matter of fact way and it's helpful for them to be introduced to what it means early.

Personally I think there's enough "life lesson" for a three year old in explaining that the dog has died, without showing him the body. I think it could cause confusion and potentially fear re. looking asleep as PPs have said.

Well, looks like we are doing it. I told DP I’m not happy but he really does think it’s important! We aren’t going to show him the burying, just let him stroke him goodbye.

I’m scared it’ll cause some trauma later in life!! Mind you, my mum put our cat down without letting me say goodbye and I was a wreck for months. I was a bit older though, around 9.

I think I'd take him. So long as people are not going to be too visibly upset and nobody talks about the dog going to sleep or anything like that. Oh, but maybe check with the dog's owner first. She may want to be able to cry without worrying that it'll upset the child.

But you said he would respect your decision if you thought no

I’m scared it’ll cause some trauma later in life!!

it won’t do that!m
it may just briefly confuse him but he’s a toddler. It will be the last thing he’s thinking of when he’s watching fireman Sam with a full tummy at the end of the day

I wouldn’t have done it no. Simply because I think valuable life lessons and toddlers are daft.

I just wouldn’t want my mite confused. But 🤷‍♀️ not the end of the world he’s going

@Bamboozleme Well, that’s how it seemed, until I called back to say no!

I could still put my foot down but I’m trying to be fair since I’m not 100% sure myself.

I am not surprised actually

No - I can still remember finding my guinea pig dead in it's hutch and that upset me for ages. There's no need to see it dead - better to remember it lively and happy.

At age 3 DD wouldn’t have understood.

I think it's fine and the right thing to do. Death is a sad reality that we don't have to hide from children. If it is handled sensitively, there is no reason why your dc should be traumatised. It will help him to understand the concept of death, and getting your head around this for a pet is a pretty good way of doing it. I don't think you need to worry, OP.

At just turned three I think it will go over his head entirely, no trauma but no lessons to be learned either, he'll just take it in his stride.

I would let him. My dc would have coped at that age. It helps them to understand what has happened.