Son pooing himself

[Diagonalley96]

My eldest is about to turned 9. For ages now we have had a problem with him pooing himself. It’s definitely behavioural because he only ever does it at home and when he is busy gaming. He never does it at school or at his friends, at my mums house etc. He blatantly just does not want to pause his game. We take his Xbox away but as soon he gets it back, it’s back to square one. That’s twice today he has done it as he was gaming online with a friend from school and was too preoccupied to stop. I really am at the end of my tether and feel like we need to stop him gaming altogether but then I feel bad as he has had problems making friends this school year and I’m so glad he has finally found someone he gets on well with (son is in a school where literally all the boys are sporty and he isn’t. New boy started this year and they have became incredibly close). Him and this wee boy game online together, so taking the Xbox away would take that away from him too. But I’m so fed up with him deliberately standing pooing himself!

My Ds did this when he was younger, not poo but pee. He was so engrossed in gaming he would not go to the toilet. We tried everything like taking the console away. We took him to the GP as we thought it might be a medical issue until we realised it was only while gaming that he did it.

I'm not proud of it but in the end it was threatening to tell his friends that made him stop. No 9 year old wants their friends to know they wet/poo themselves. This was quite a few years ago and i really had reached end of my tether with it, but I am unhappy with myself for resorting to shaming him. Obviously we never told his friends, the threat was enough.

I completely get it though- it’s overwhelming trying to manage it and find a solution.

oh wow!! That sounds really frustrating and worrying.

I wonder if a gaming “detox” for a week or so, and then allowing him to game but with strict boundaries would help? Maybe boundaries like no more than an hour at a time/not before 10am or after 6pm etc and that pushing of boudaries will lead to removal of games.

Does he have to wash his clothes etc when he soils himself because of gaming?

Don’t allow him on until he has had a poo.

How long is he gaming for?? How about you make it a rule that he goes to the loo before he starts, and has a 5 minute break every 30 mins or whatever - you could get an alarm clock to remind him, and you will need to enforce the break.

My DS did this with wee and the television when he was younger. He has ADHD and just couldn't break his focus from the TV to wee. He'd do a full bladder wee, not just a small amount, and didn't even feel it.

I never thought to ask him to wash his clothes but that sounds like a good idea! We are actually going away next week to a resort with no Wi-Fi so I think that might be a good way to remove the gaming and get over the initial shock to the system. Then keep it up when we get home, with big limits on his use until we know he is better at managing this.

The amount of time varies. Sometimes they go on for half an hour. Some times it’s an hour or two if they are playing certain games. He rushes through whatever he is doing on the periods he isn’t gaming- like if he is having his tea or doing homework so he doesn’t miss time online with his friend. But when he isn’t gaming- like when he is out to play for example, he doesn’t do this.

You need to have much firmer restrictions as to how long he's allowed to play. A nine year old shouldn't be playing video games for hours. I would set a half hour limit and that's it. A nine year old pooing themselves because they don't want to stop gaming is a huge red flag. This is not normal or healthy for your child.

It’s not uncommon a friend’s child would wet himself. She stopped him gaming for a few years.
I would make him responsible for cleaning up all the mess unassisted. And he keeps cleaning until the clothes are rinsed and able to be put in the washing machine. You aren’t punishing him, but it’s just natural consequences. I would also give him a 30 minute time limit then he had to have a 15 minute break. I think if he is the one cleaning it up it will stop after he has scrubbed soiled clothes a couple of times.

I wouldn't allow a young child to have a gaming system on he first place. Look what it's doing to his brain and emotional regulation.

I'd be making him wash his soiled clothes - by hand. Being faced with the actual poo might make him realise just what he is doing. If you do the clean up, you effectively make the poo disappear so he can ignore it. Good luck !

Finally finding a friend or not, the gaming system really needs to be removed…

It’s not okay that he’s pooing himself because he simply doesn’t want to pause the game. That’s next level laziness I can’t even get my head arounf it. So when he does this, what happens? You take the console for a period of time (how long?), he uses the toilet normally, you give it back and it starts again?

Thanks everyone. When it’s taken away, it’s away for at least a week. I’ve been lying thinking about this overnight and I’m wondering if it’s worth a Gp trip. I don’t think it’s anything physical causing this but I don’t know whether the behavioural side of it is maybe down to something else. Someone commented mentioning their adhd child hyper focusing- when I sit and think about it, he is an awful fidgety child. He also can be a bit overexcited very very easily compared to his siblings and there have been a few issues with listening and concentration in school. I don’t know if it’s all linked or if I’m being ridiculous.

He clearly has an addiction. Rushing through other activities etc. 9 is old to be doing that, really worrying that he’d rather sit soiled than take 5 minutes. When he does it remove the game for 48 hours to disincentivise?

Get him checked for constipation.

If he's holding it in all the time when he's out & then putting off going at home because he's too busy with his games that can be a reason.

It's probably not just behavioural although delaying going to the toilet can make it worse.

NICE guidelines say gp treatment initially but if not resolved after 3 months they should refer you.

Eric charity & Bowel&Bladder UK charity have a lot of information.

My child has never quite been continent.

He struggles making friends.

He doesn't feel wee or poo in his body. It doesn't take much for him to have an accident

We think he has autism

Thank you everyone

Just take his game away permanently. Give it him back in a few years.