What age for a games console?

[Theelephantinthecastle]

One of the very few things DH and I are disagreeing on as parents is this.

DS is 6 and has been lobbying for a Nintendo switch for some time. Allegedly all his friends have them and visiting his cousins recently and finding that his 5 year old cousin has one has just ramped it up

I feel like DS has issues regulating himself with screens as it is - he has a tablet and plays games on that and it's tears quite frequently when we tell him to stop. I would like to wait until he is 10 if possible - then our younger one will be 8 and they can play it together.

I think DH left entirely to himself would probably have caved by now but is suggesting 7/8.

I think we have different experiences in that I had a computer game free childhood entirely so I think of this as optional whereas DH played from 5 or so.

What age did you go for with your kids and any views?

Aw this is such a tough one. I personally think it’s young, buuuuut I was also that kid had school who never knew what all the other kids were on about!
it’s so hard changing with the times isn’t it?!
just some advice for future , if you get it be careful what expectations you set etc
one of my nephews is only 9 and got his own tablet at 3, 4 was a PlayStation, next year an Xbox, then a switch, an oculus and most recently got a gaming pc for Christmas and already wants another console. He’s had a New one every year!!

I also know another kid who got a tablet at 5, but it was controlled eg at first 30 mins at the end of each day (as long as behaviour was good) and there wasn’t new tech every year. They have a family console and he has in own switch. He’s 11 and doesn’t expect a new console every year. His switch is his favourite and he’s just happy for a New game or vouchers for games every birthday/Christmas
so I think it’s fine as long as you have some sort of control and manage expectations etc.

To be honest I would normally let a 6 year old have a Switch if it was a family item between you and with family games that could be played together BUT honestly if you are already having issues with screentime then I would definitely wait.

I think that's the other thing, actually - I don't want to play console games with them. I like board games but I just don't have any interest in video games. I was thinking that if we wait till the kids are older, they can play with each other on it and I won't have to play with them

DH would love it...

I remember kids in my class getting the old Nintendo DS Lite when I was in year 3 - 4. Height of popularity when I think everyone had one including me was about 7. My Dad (idk what got into him because he knew nothing about gaming...) also got suprised our family a Nintendo Wii when I was around 7.

I think he'd be missing out tbh. Nintendo has parental controls and you could set rules e.g. it stays in TV mode. You could just get the basic games to get set up e.g. Mario Kart and Animal Crossing are pretty newbie proof. Lego Harry Potter is pretty fun too.

Ofc the other option is for your DH to buy one for himself and dub it the 'family console'. That way it doesn't actually belong to your boys and you've got more control :)

We did Juniors so 8.

I think 7 or 8 for an absolute minimum. I was that age when I first started video games (massive gamer now)

We have a family console as DP and I both play it, so DD has had occasional goes on it from 4, but it isn't "hers". I feel like this is a better way to do it as it's not so much something they can just use whenever, and the precedent is they need to ask and it might well be a no. It's not theirs to take off to their room either.

In your situation I would link it to behaviour. I'd tell him if he had one he would have to accept rules around using it, so you'll get one when the tears and tantrums over being told to get off the tablet stop.

We are in exactly the same situation so I will watch this thread with interest. I've held out till now as I read a very interesting article when my DC was a baby that basically said, you can never go back once you've given them a games console. So while I have no issues with video games and will let my kid have one eventually, I'm going to hold out until he is absolutely ready which I think will be around 9-10 ish.

Completely second the ‘you can never go back’ comment.
we panic bought an Xbox in lockdown when DS was just turning 9 and I think he was a bit young, and can’t self regulate on screens at all. DD can take it or leave it.
it’s an amazing electronic babysitter but it’s probably the single biggest cause if family conflict in our house… I doubt I’d have got away without one but I wish we could bin it some days!

We let DD play my Switch when she was 6. We are very picky about which games though both because of content and difficulty as she gets very frustrated. She's not really into it too much though (unlike me!). There's lots more games we let her try now she's 8.

I'm a bit of a gamer myself, but the rule is that the console is mine and DD can play with my permission. I think it's a bit unfair to give a gift with restrictions.

We have a family switch with DCs 8 and 4. They're allowed to use it a few times a month. 4yo will 'play' 10 mins of mario kart assisted mode once a month for example. I play with the 8yo joint games like the Lego Star wars ones and we tend to do 30 min session every few weeks. It stays in the living room and we only let them play it on the big TV, not take it away as a handheld.

DS got his the xmas just before his 5th birthday. I tormented myself over it but screens and gaming at a big part of life these days. He is “only” allowed TV during the week then his switch at the weekend mornings for a bit. He doesn’t get to use phones or anything go else. Maybe a brief go on the iPad at the weekends.

He moans that every other kid gets their parents phones in cafes, waiting for siblings etc etc. Also to be honest I would rather he was planning games in the switch than mindlessly watching YouTube which sends him bonkers.

I bought my DS a Nintendo DS when he was only 4 / 5 because all the DC we're getting them.

It really helped with his reading actually.

I'd also let him go on my Mac where he would explore the internet and found loads of kid friendly sites which helped him read, write and do maths etc

He ended up being quite far ahead of his peers

at OP expecting her DS to play board games because that's what she wants to do when the whole world has moved on to consoles for decades

Thanks everyone - lots to think about.

A bit of consensus aorund the idea of making it a family thing but as I said, the issue is that I don't actually want to play it. I think I will end up feeling a bit left out if it becomes something that DH does a lot with the kids. So I guess I need to either just manage my feelings about it and use it as time to read my book or do play with it.

Board games are still sold and widely played so I don't think it's ridiculous to play them! I don't expect the kids to only play board games but I don't think it's silly to expect that they will sometimes. My friends' older children play both types of game too.

I am also trying to figure out how to get the balance right with younger DS as well - I don't want to get one too early for him, he's 2 years younger so maybe 8 and 6 or 9/7 feels about right?

I definitely feel the truth of the "you can't go back" thing - we panic bought tablets in lockdown and slightly regret that so I don't want to do it again. I don't know anyone regrets getting tech later for their kids.

A bit of consensus aorund the idea of making it a family thing but as I said, the issue is that I don't actually want to play it. I think I will end up feeling a bit left out if it becomes something that DH does a lot with the kids. So I guess I need to either just manage my feelings about it and use it as time to read my book or do play with it.

I think you're overthinking this. Surely it's just the same as joining in with any other kids games, we don't actively want to do any of them, do we? Would you feel left out if your DH was pushing matchbox cars around with them?

Anyway I think it's the message it sends more than whether you actually play it much. I'd just get a switch and tell them it's for the family. I don't remember ever seeing my dad play on the family Xbox when I was a kid but he got it for his birthday so I knew it wasn't "mine". It doesn't really matter if you actually play on it, for all they know you're on it all night when they go to bed, it just sets a better precedent!

I think it's different to the other sorts of things like playing cars in that I can totally see it becoming DS1's absolute favourite thing to do and DH would love it too. Before we had kids, DH would happily play for several hours every weekend. So then if I don't get involved, I can see myself basically not really getting much time with the kids or feeling like I am the one who drags them away from their favourite thing ever. I cannot see us in practice limiting it to a few times a month like a PP said they did.

But I can see what you're saying, it's a bit like the TV - we don't often watch adult things during the day while the kids are around but they are aware we watch it in the evenings sometimes so they don't think of it as "theirs"

As a teacher, I'd say hold out as long as you can!

It's very tempting to cave to pressure for an easy life. But these things are never ending! You get them one, it'll be out of date in less than 2 years. You'll constantly be under pressure to get the newest one.

If you're already having arguments about regulating screen time it's just another battle. The teenagers that I teach that have the most issues with devices are usually those that are playing independently on consoles at an early age. The games they play allow them to socialise with people online - that's a massive Pandora's box that you will eventually have to open, but put it off as long as possible!

I'm not anti-gaming, I have very fond memories of Tomb Raider etc (tells you my age!) And I have a PS3 that I still use - indeed my DH gets his original PlayStation out when his half brothers come to stay! But a young child would require supervision and that isn't usually what ends up happening. Time spent gaming is time spend NOT doing something else and learning to entertain themselves in different ways. Many have limits e.g. half an hour in the evening and 2 hours on a weekend day. That's 6.5 hours a week. Wouldn't that time have been better spent reading/drawing/running round? The time adds up.

Board games are definitely still still thing of now! Most of my gamer friends play board games as well as computer games. They are long and complicated strategy games and they play for hours. And there are some great short-ish games for children. He's the perfect age for Carcassonne (my DD is 6 and loves how pretty it is) or there are cooperative games that are good fun -ours aren't old enough for most of those yet. families tend to talk while playing, much more so than during computer games.

I'm not saying children should NEVER have any screen time, I don't think that's practical in today's world. But I see so many examples of how it goes wrong between 8&14 just by slow creep. I think many parents could be more wary of starting children on consoles at primary age.

I have an Xbox but it's not like I play it whenever I get the chance. The point behind making it "yours" is so it's easier to set limits. They're allowed half an hour as a treat, or on a long car journey. It stays in the lounge so no secret late night gaming session

...gaming sessions. I just never thought it was fair when "my" things were restricted as a child, because it was mine! Talk to DH and set limits so you're on the same team before you even get it. Let him know that you would feel left out if they did spend all day playing games together.

(pressed post too soon)

We're gamers too. DD watched me play my switch last few years. We got her one of her own last year age 7. She plays all the time, mainly Minecraft, mario, animal crossing, Pokémon. She's actually learned loads just playing Minecraft. We play Minecraft together on both switches. DH plays Mario kart with her.

It sounds like you just really need to agree on what the rules would be with your DH, then.

My DP loves gaming but that doesn't mean he would let our DC do it all the time because he still wants to raise them right, he doesn't get lost in it (and believe me it's not as fun as playing without kids, much frustration lies watching a small child play Mario kart!)

As long as you're both in agreement about how much is too much and it's not just you enforcing it, it should be fine.

My 10yo son had one from around six (PlayStation) however, because it's not a handheld (like the switch) and required the use of the only TV in our home it's restricted. No gaming on school nights, usually plays Friday nights online with friends but as much as he would love free rein, I've always had very strict 'this is a privilege' not yours whenever you want to play rule, no issues and he has to ask permission to play.

Depends on the child though, mine seems to self regulate fairly well and really only wants to play when his friends are online (fallout from covid socialising).

Board games are deffo a thing my DS loves playing risk with his friends at 12. They also like monopoly.