Two under two

[Newname2323]

Hi all, I'm a first time mum to my DS who is 5 months. Both me and my DH have an urge to have another already, however thinking back to the newborn stage is putting me off slightly. I can't imagine dealing with a toddler on top of being sleep deprived from night feeds. On the other hand, I'd love for my children to be close in age and I definitely want a second.

Can anyone who has two under two or had at one point, lay out how you found the experience? I know it's likely to be different for everyone, but there may be things I hadn't thought of. Basically, would you recommend it or would you say wait it out?

It is tough, some say harder than having twins as differing needs. However it has many pros. Would you stop at two…….. or are you brave enough for three under three- I did!🤦🏽‍♀️

I had two born a year apart (almost exactly) it was fine.

Mine are 18 months apart and it was tough until the second hit three years old but now it’s great. I’d do it again.

2 under 2 (just about) and it was tough. As the almost 2 YO is boisterous, doesn't know their own strength, excitable, and started to teeth with second molars.

A few months in and it's a little tough and I can understand people who wait several years. But I'm glad to just get all those difficult years out of the way one after the other and then start to rebuild a new life with a full family.

Although I am gutted that I probably won't ever be pregnant again as I absolutely loved that. There are definitely pros and cons to both going for it and waiting. Looking forward to when the baby is big enough for them to hopefully enjoy playing together!

18 months between mine and its been really hard. Heavily pregnant and a toddler, both children needing my full attention. However they've just turned 18 months and 3 years and wouldn't change it for the world, they have such a strong bond, play together with the same toys.

My oldest is the most laid back , good girl though, so that has made it a lot easier. If I had had my youngest first it would be completely different.

19 month gap here. The first year or so was brutal. The hardest part was balancing the different nap schedules, meal times, weaning, potty training all at the same! Plus being alone when they're both ill/teething etc and crying for attention. But my youngest has just turned 2 and it was so worth it! They are best friends now and it's actually easier having 2 as they entertain each other. It's the best thing ever watching their relationship grow and the love they have for each other!

It was fine. However, I think your children’s personalities are the deciding factor.

it didn’t put me off either as I went on to have another two (four under four).

The first year or so was brutal.

This! ^

We have a 13 month gap and it was really tough going for ages. Maybe 2 years, after which it got easier each year (once you got nappies / buggies / naps out of the way especially).

I am currently going through 2 under 2 and OMG it is hard. Some days are harder than others but it's not been easy.
DD is 21 months and DS is 4 months (he was born 5 weeks early and was in NICU for 11 days).
DD is going through so many tantrums and has several teeth coming through so it's pretty bad.
DS sleep isn't too bad at night which helps but it's quite tough with both of them in the day.
There has been a lot more screen time and quick foods.

A good sling/carrier has been essential as it's meant I could do things with DD while DS has slept.
I keep reminding myself that it will get better and any bad patch is just a phase. Luckily I know the sleep will definitely get better.

I don't think I could do three pregnancies whatever the gap, hats off to you!😂

My first two were 18 months apart and I found it quite straightforward.Admittedly I didn't work for the best part of two years but I found that the older child entertained the younger one and that they did everything together. If you only have two DC it gets the whole business out of the way. They play together, eat together, bath together, go to school together etc.I found it easier than a big gap which I later had. All the DC are adults now and close friends but the near in age ones have a bond that DC with more years between are less likely to develop imo.

9 months apart here and it was hard for the first four months but then got better and better. They were great company for each other and still are.

Thanks all for sharing your experiences. I can imagine the first year being the hardest, it's hard enough with one! I think because I don't have any siblings I'd love for son to have that, but I do know being close in age doesn't necessarily mean they will get along. It's such a hard decision, it's not like it's permanent or anything😂

11 months apart and I hated it and found it so difficult. I wouldn’t recommend 2 under 2, not fun at all

15 months between mine and oldest is nearly 3.

Being brutally honest I wouldn't recommend such a small gap. DS wasn't old enough to fully articulate himself and DD was a Velcro baby. It was hard work with little reward in the early days. I'm back at work and the nursery fees are insane before any funded hours kick in.

BUT it is good in some ways - into similar toys, days out etc and getting small bursts of them playing nicely together so keeping my fingers crossed they stay close!

Mine are 17 months apart and not going to lie the first 18 months was HARD. However now 5 and almost 4 and they're such good friends and play together etc, it's lovely to see. I don't regret a smallish gap but was hard having two babies but at different stages.

Wow 9 months! My DH was lucky to brush shoulders with me for the first couple of months postpartum lol

If you could do it all over again what age do you think you'd have waited to have ur second ?

19 months apart and the first year or so I found massively difficult (although that was 2020 so lockdown definitely didn't help!). But now it's great, they are 3.5 and 5 and get along so well they just entertain eachother and it makes the tough first couple of years SO worth it

I probably wouldn’t have had a second😂 I was very content with one.

However I think a 3/4 year age gap is much more ideal. One is in school or just about to start and then you can have a little routine with the baby. I find it intense having a toddler running all over the place and then a baby who can’t even crawl yet

14 month gap, it was fine 🤷🏽‍♀️

I have two with 11 months inbetween so had 2 under 1 at one point! There has been some times where it was hard but 99% of the time it's actually a breeze, i was really worried before giving birth but i actually found it harder going from 0 kids to 1 kid than i did going from 1 kid to 2 kids! It makes it easier aswell having two in nappies etc as it doesn't feel like you're going back to baby days as you're doing it already if you see what i mean.

@Newname2323 oops typo - should be 19 months!!

The DC are teenagers now but have a 15 month age gap. The first 12-18 months were hard and pregnancy with DD2 was difficult as DD1 wasn’t walking much so I had to carry her around. But a small gap makes days out and holidays easier. Also a big advantage is they talk to each other if they ever have problems with stuff like school or friends etc. I would do the same again.

There are 13 months between mine. But the older one has special needs so he's younger that his age. I was honest really hard work when they were babys both waking in the night both at different times. Their dad done fuck all to help . It was awful. As they got older it got easier. They are age 7&8 now they are so close and love each other dearly . They are best friends. I hope it stays that way for ever 🥰