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Parenting

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Struggling to believe his friends and family support him abandoning his kids

9 replies

aozna · 29/04/2023 19:04

I know no one on this will be able to comprehend it either but I just can't get my head to accept his friends and family accept and are fine with him abandoning his three kids

He is 26 and I'm 27. We have 6,4 and 2 year old. He has always painted the picture of an involved loving dad. His parents were under this impression and friends

But the past month he's just abandoned the kids. He has in the past before but never for long enough people would catch on. Last January he was super dramatic and said he was done with the kids and had the nerve to blame me. I'd never stopped him seeing them. Never made life with the kids difficult for him. When he cheated yes I went mental at him and any problems between him and I, I did argue and stand up for myself and when he lost control over me he decided to blame me for him not wanting to see the kids. Told me he'd tell them when they were older if they went to find him it was all my fault ... I've never been unfair with the kids ever I even offered 50/50. Then to accommodate him. Only thing I said is since you haven't seen them in so long you aren't dumping them on other people I want them in a routine of me these days. And dad those days then build up to that.

But he sees me as unfair because I claim child maintenance and he's shouted at me many times he has to pay to see his kids. I obviously claim the amount child maintenance says via them.

His best friend is called off his engagement and him and his friend haven't stopped going out Thursday- Sunday all month. He showed up last Saturday trying to get sex from me. Then said no I'd never sleep with you I've hated today with the kids I'm leaving. And that's the last I've seen of him

My brain cannot take in he is not wanting to see his kids or that people support him.

If my friend did this I'd be so disgusted and unfriend them very quickly.

I just can't get it into my brain he doesn't want to see the kids and he is supported. My head can't accept it

If this has happened to anyone else how did you finally accept it? How could you stomach people supporting him?

I keep writing it down and trying to accept he doesn't want the kids. He is just that kind of person but I physically can't accept it. I feel like someone's died. And people are allowing my children to be neglected by a parent and I know him and his best friend are laughing about it because they laughed about it before.

OP posts:
Nachobowls · 29/04/2023 19:07

I think you are wrong thinking they will disown him besides its only been a month, my ex hasn't bothered with our kids in years but he has loads of friends and family and none of them care he doesn't even pay maintenance

Hawkins003 · 29/04/2023 19:08

It usually depends on how he's spinning the situation,

aozna · 29/04/2023 19:09

@Nachobowls but how I don't understand it. How are their parents okay with that? They are the kids grandparents?

You can claim child maintenance and they take it from their wages they do take a fee but at least you get something even if it's deducted

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aozna · 29/04/2023 19:10

@Hawkins003 they aren't stupid. It's posted all over social media he is out every single weekend. Thursday- Sunday. Then him and his best friend live together. He's abandoned his house and they now live together. Go to the gym everyday together. He knows there's no way he's seeing the kids.

His mum will know too he has her on social media and she hasn't seen the kids since before Christmas

OP posts:
Nachobowls · 29/04/2023 19:11

I'm with child maintenance he is on benefits and has debts so doesn't have to pay and they can't take any money from him. His family have never met my youngest who is 5. No one (connected to him) cares.

TomatoSandwiches · 29/04/2023 19:12

It's because society doesn't hold them to account, it is shameful, if you did the same thing I guarantee the reaction would be different.

He sounds stupid and immature anyway, best to just concentrate on yourself and the children, he should be paying for his children anyway, I have no idea why they think they don't have to.

pfftt · 29/04/2023 19:47

This is in no way an excuse but I suspect becoming a father at 20 and then quickly having 2 more left him feeling like he missed out. An adult would just accept that but he's immature

PaigeMatthews · 29/04/2023 20:16

pfftt · 29/04/2023 19:47

This is in no way an excuse but I suspect becoming a father at 20 and then quickly having 2 more left him feeling like he missed out. An adult would just accept that but he's immature

This. He is a prick, clearly. But wtf was he thinking to begin with 3 kids by the age of 24???? What did he think life would be like?!

Gingerkittykat · 29/04/2023 21:49

pfftt · 29/04/2023 19:47

This is in no way an excuse but I suspect becoming a father at 20 and then quickly having 2 more left him feeling like he missed out. An adult would just accept that but he's immature

Mum was only a year older when she had her children, would people be equally understanding if she walked out on her kids?

There are loads of young parents out there who do a great job of bringing up their kids.

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