Single parent tips and tricks

[Bear65]

I would be grateful for any words of wisdom, tips and tricks for how to make single parenting work, setting up systems at home etc.

My husband and I are separating, and he is moving out next week. We have a 3-year-old son, and he will be living with me in the house, seeing his dad for a day at the weekend and after nursery/pre-bedtime one day a week. I work three days a week in a senior role, with no close family support. My husband has quite severe mental health and I can't always rely on him.

I have 2 year old twins and a 7 year old. Been a single parent for a year working full time in senior management professional role.
No close family support.

You work part time so that does make it a bit easier in terms of being home to catch up on housework etc but here's what I do

• batch cook when I can
• air fryer - meals ready in a fraction of the time when I get home from work and childcare pick ups
• WFH 1 day a week minimum or more when I can and do the ironing in what would be my commute time and hang the washing out etc on lunch hour or do a food shop
• twins sleep in my bed - given up trying to do separate bed times in their room - if I want to sleep or get them to sleep before 10pm then I've had to loosen some of the parenting rules I had in place for my eldest
• once kids asleep usually by about 830 I spend 30 mins washing up / tidying / quick clean around - keeping on top of things regularly means don't have to blitz it at weekend - if I'm in bed for 930 so be it - I don't force myself to stay up later just because it feels like something an adult should do
• lowered standards a bit - can't have clean children and clean house at the same time 😂
• lots of to do lists 😂

Keep milk and bread in the freezer, always have Calpol in and make sure you have a supply of pound coins for random preschool charity things.

Yes, yes to lower your standards. Do washing regularly and don't let it pile up.

Try to enjoy your childfree time. That could be sleeping for the day or cocktails and dancing, but see it as a positive rather than a sad thing.

Multi talking is king. Fold washing while listening to reading. Put everything away before you go to bed.
Get a wash on while you're doing the tea, put it out to dry after you've washed up before bath time.. write a shopping list cos it's a pain in the neck when you've forgotten something and have to take the kids. Make sure you have calpol, paracetamol, and a freezer emergency meal for when things go wrong. Accept that some days if everyone is alive that's a great outcome.
My favourite thing about being a zinger mum was all the one to one time with her. We are soo close because of all the years of being just us. We did so many exciting things together, random adventures abroad and trips to weird places. Tea could be a picnic in the park if I decided that was what we felt like, as there was no one else to worry about. I could just randomly pick up and say let's go to the beach, let's go swimming after tea, or let's go and get an ice cream, and there was no one else to worry about. We did lots of stuff like cbeebies live, kids theatre, family festivals etc as it was just so easy with 2 of us.

I hate batch cooking so rely on fresh easy meals that cook quickly after work - something in the oven for 20 mins with rice and salad for example. You’ll figure out what works for you.

Get to know what childcare is out there for summer holidays etc - I just booked summer holiday childcare today. there isn’t any other option for me so I have to get in quick! (widowed and not much family support)

Don’t be scared to plateau at with things like progression at work and personal development etc while you find your feet - space for those things will return.

Get a cleaner if you can afford it. Otherwise yes lower standards!

I agree with the pp about letting them sleep in your bed if it makes things easier. I did that so that it made the evenings less gruelling (when mine were little I was SO SO tired by bedtime). And of course they eventually will sleep on their own!!

Batch cook or fast fresh cook - whatever works for you, make sure you shop to suit healthy convenience! I batch cook chopped up chicken breast in large quantities, which means I can reheat to make a stir fry, fried rice, fajitas, pasta or even chicken and baked potatoes. Lots of different herbs and sauces add variety. Sometimes it is a bit dry (!) but that might be my bad cooking skills …and i maintain that it is still healthier than a takeaway/pre packaged meal !

As a pp said, I also choose clean children (and clothes) over a clean house.

I also choose chatting to the kids and helping with the their homework over a clean house too. It is frustrating at times facing constant mess, but I just invite people over less frequently and have learned to mentally block out mess and dust.

Finally, if you can, enjoy it!!! Whilst terrifying for me at first, 11 years later I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and would never bring another adult into my kid’s (our) home. I love the joyful close relationships I have with my kids and the freedom with have. I have them 100% and while times have been really hard, I wouldn’t change a thing.

Oh and as someone else said, WFH as much as you can.

So impressed with all posters who are raising their kids alone juggling work etc. wonderful positive stories, hope they help anyone who is feeling daunted or struggling.
the only thing I feel is that actually, there is no reason why a small child should be sleeping in your bed with you and imo if you encourage your child to sleep in their own bed, the mother gets her own rest overnight to help her meet the challenges of the next day.

Always keep a gold coin hidden in your purse for the tooth fairy!

Yeah but if they won't or don't you might aswell be relaxed about it.

Thank you so much everyone for sharing your tips and experiences; feeling a combination of a panicky about this next step but also sence of relief it's finally happening. Hearing how you all are juggling work and life so impressively, and how it can be done it a reasurance. He currently sleeps in bed with me, and that has been on my kind I was doing something wrong, so seeing others are doing it too is a relief. Thank you again

For me it's because of the twins dynamic - as a single parent I'm outnumbered 😂 in their own beds they are constantly up and down talking and playing with each other and then in the night they come and find me anyway - so double the amount of time I'm up and down trying to get them back in their own beds. At least if they are in my bed I can get some solid sleep to be able to work the next day

Yeah. I wouldn't worry about the bed thing. You've bigger things to stay on top of. I also recommend getting organised. Always have calpol, ibuprofen in.