I know this is nothing new but I just need to vent and hopefully get some reassurance it’s not just me being selfish ungrateful or the whole host of other things mothers are for wanting a break
I have 2 kids (almost 4 and almost 1) and I run my own business, I’ve had no mat leave with either and work from home as well as having responsibility for the baby every day… and once a week I have both of them all day.
my husband works from home 3 days a week and goes to the office 2. When he works from home he sits in his home office and I look after the baby while working. Eldest goes to nursery 4 days a week so the day I have both of them is also a day he “has” to go to the office so I have 2 of them all day while trying to run a business.
he doesn’t understand why I get pissed off, he thinks I should be grateful he works from home 3 days a week and does the nursery drop offs each day. I don’t feel Fucking grateful I feel like I have 2 full time jobs.
im so irritable and I dread the day each week that I have both of them. I hate the Groundhog Day feeling that comes with being home with small kids and the fact I never get to go to the office for the day while he has the baby. He goes away for work too - example this week he’s been to london for 3 days while I’m at home with both kids and then doesn’t understand why I’m frustrated and not all happy smiley when he face times to say he’s off out for dinner then back to his hotel where he gets to have time to himself and sleep by himself without the responsibilities I have as well as trying to work full time.
I feel awful that this is the way I feel - I wanted to be the mum who loves being
home with the kids loves playing loves having the day with them but I just don’t. I want to go and be by myself for a day and just sit in silence.
4-7pm is the worst and I will without a doubt be in tears at least once throughout the day after I’ve ended up screaming at one of them to stop whingeing. It’s like noises just make me so irrationality angry. I feel like all I do is wipe arses and surfaces make snacks pick things up off the floor do a half arsed attempt at my job which upsets me too because I feel I can’t feel proud of myself for my work and then my own needs just come last.
im so unhappy 🙁