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Parenting

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Original poster

Why parent suddenly snubbed us

20 replies

All4family · 27/04/2023 23:00

This is quite a long story so please bear with me...... A while ago a new family moved to our street. They didn't know anyone and had a daughter the same age as my daughter. After chatting for a while we agreed to let the kids meet up for a play date. The girls seemed to be forming a nice friendship and gradually we began to take turns at play dates ( sometimes at mine and sometimes at their house).
The girls could get into little disagreements at times but nothing too serious just the usual argument about toys etc...
Both girls were 4 at the time and due to start school in a few months. The parent even put a request that her child be in the same class as my daughter and I assumed everything was good. The parent was even offering lifts to school of a morning and I thought the whole situation was going well. A few weeks into school however my daughter mentioned the little girl hit her. I spoke to the mum and all I got was that her daughter was a kind girl who wouldn't hurt a fly. I spoke to the teacher and asked for her to keep an eye on it and she assured me that the girls had been playing OK and that the little girl admitted to httng my daughter and apologised for it. Things were as it seemed at the time getting back to normal and they were back playing again. Then one day out of the blue I get a random text from the parent saying she witnessed my daughter being mean to hers and laughing at her when she was upset. The thing is this apparently happened two weeks previous to her sending the text. I said she should have spoke to me about it at the time and we could have sorted it all out. Th next day she said she was no longer taking my daughter to school. She just went totally cold on us and months on its as if she dosnt even know us at school she just blanks us or gives a fake hi. The thing is the girls still play at school but it's as though non of us exist in the parents eyes. I just feel awkward and find it all a bit rude and mean. We welcomed them to our street and now it's like we are nothing.

OP posts:

MyLifeIsFullOfLemons · 27/04/2023 23:17

Its because you criticised her little darling and are an awful person by saying her DD hit yours.
Some parents are like that, they just don’t believe their precious offspring can do wrong so it’s a case of shooting the messenger.

neilyoungismyhero · 27/04/2023 23:33

It's the reason parents shouldn't get involved in their children's squabbles. The next day the kids are besties again but the parents never speak again. I learnt that the hard way.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 27/04/2023 23:33

This is tricky.
At 4 I don't think I would have talked to the Mom about her daughter hitting her in school.
I was have asked dd how it was handled.
Sounds like the teacher dealt with it and the girl apologized.
What did you want the mom to say? Seems kind of overbearing imo.
Her reacting the way she did was also overbearing and uncalled for..

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Wenfy · 27/04/2023 23:39

What do you expect her to do? You took something normal for 4 year olds & blew it up out of proportion as the teacher had already dealt with it. I’m glad she told you about what your dd did 2 weeks ago - any normal parent recognises that 4 yo’s aren’t perfect.

Zuyi · 27/04/2023 23:44

Yeah, shots fired OP. Maybe one day she'll get over it, but it may take years. Next time don't criticise other people's kids!

Original poster

All4family · 28/04/2023 00:22

I know my daughter is far from perfect! But I wanted to get to the bottom of it incase it got out of hand (the hitting) I just don't understand why she couldn't have told me that my child was mean to hers when it happened and not wait 2 weeks to tell me about it! How on earth can I speak to my daughter about an incident that happened two weeks after it has happened?

OP posts:

Shitsville123 · 28/04/2023 02:50

We have a parent like this and my DD is in Y4 now. The mother often stops speaking to me. The longest was for 8 months and we're going through a new phase now. The father has had a full blown shouting match at me. Both think their daughter is perfect and mine the devil child. I've spoken to the school and they assure me there are no issues with my DD. Looks like their DD is struggling with emotional issues with the parents are in denial about.

You need to find parents who are more mature than this and simply blank off the idiots or kill them with kindness.

MintJulia · 28/04/2023 03:30

It's best not to get involved in dcs' squabbles. Let the teachers handle it and don't take sides. Most kids hit each other or say nasty things at some point, it's all part of the socialising process.

junebirthdaygirl · 28/04/2023 03:39

All4family · 28/04/2023 00:22

There is no more definite way to cause a fall out than complaining to a parent about their child. It happens every time. I have never seen a parent deal with it with a smile. You didn't like it when she complained about yours. Its the mother instinct. This Mom was actually bringing your child to school etc and you complained about something that can happen quite easily with young children. . Always bring it to the teacher as how could the parent correct her child when she wasn't there.

Notsurewhatodohere · 28/04/2023 17:32

I had a similar situation, some parents are extremely reasonable about things like this but not many. I would advise you to give it plenty of time and it will eventually blow over, you are probably not destined to be friends but if you just carry on behaving normally she should calm down eventually.

Miriam101 · 28/04/2023 18:27

She definitely sounds a tricky customer but to be honest I think you got in too deep too quickly- I know this sounds silly but children's friendships at that age can be so fickle and changeable. How often was she taking your kid to school? If she felt she was going out of her way to do you a favour and then you called her to criticise her daughter's behaviour that's an extra reason why she might have felt pissed off.

Original poster

All4family · 29/04/2023 00:23

@Miriam101 I never once asked for the parent to take my daughter to school. She said to me she dosnt mind dropping her off as I don't drive and it's just as easy to take 2 as it was 1 (her words) I was very grateful and sometimes I would pick her daughter up days she was working late to try and help her out a bit. It was never once taken for granted and I never once asked. She would take her 3 times a week as my daughter stays at her grans the two nights I work.
At the end of the day my daughter had been hit so naturally I thought I should let he mother know about it. It wasn't done in a nasty way. I just told her calmly what had happened and then she went in denial mode.

OP posts:

WheelsUp · 29/04/2023 00:29

You made a mistake by telling her what happened. You should have let it drop because it happened at school and it was sorted there. Some people can't handle that kind of informationa they truly believe that their child is an angel rather than a human who occasionally messes up because they are only 4 and learning.

Original poster

All4family · 29/04/2023 00:31

Excuse me? If my daughter was hitting someone I would be grateful that the parent let me know about it! That way I could talk to my daughter about it and try to sort it out. It turns out that she has hit 2 more girls at school since my daughter aswell. Clearly the parent isn't that bothered about her daughters behaviour as on one occasion the teacher asked to speak to her at pick up time and she blatantly ignored her and walked away. Also, when she said my daughter was making fun of her daughter st a play date at hr House she decided to tell me about it 2 weeks after the alleged incident took place! Who even does that?

OP posts:

GettingThereCharleyBear · 29/04/2023 00:33

As a parent and as a teacher I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve told parents never go to the parents direct!!!!

My son was bullied by my friend’s son for some time - when it came to light I went straight to school, they dealt with it and we are still friends. If I had gone to my friend we probably never would have spoken again!

Lesson learnt OP 🤷‍♀️

scrivette · 29/04/2023 07:27

Agree this is why arguments between children at school should be dealt with by the school. Parents only hear one version or take offence to what is being said.

lljkk · 29/04/2023 08:23

There was a classmate my son was keen on.
I spoke to other boy's mum to invite the lad around to ours.
She looked at me like I was something scraped off her own shoe.
After a few puzzling months I asked around.
Other mum had fallen out with loads of people, upset them, hot/cold friendship issues.
Wasn't me or my kid at all.
Rise Above, is my advice.

HauntedPencil · 29/04/2023 08:31

Sounds like she thought you were quick to inform her of her daughters misdemeanours but when she spoke to you you've fobbed her off. Personally unless it's ongoing I would leave the school to deal with an issue as it often causes fallouts.

Random789 · 29/04/2023 08:37

I don't think that I would respond to a single incident of hitting by speaking to the parent and to the teacher, unless it was very serious. And in particular I think mentioning it to the teacher too, as if you didn't have confidence in the parent, was insensitive.
I expect the parent was brooding on your response and that lead her to send the text eventually. Or perhaps her child didn't tell her aboutit immediately.
It does sound like the other parent hasn't behaved well, but thngs might have gone much better if you had just chatted to your daughter about how she herself could handle incidents like this. And then of course if the problem continued and your daughter was distressed by it you could at some point speak to parent and teacher

Original poster

All4family · 29/04/2023 09:03

HauntedPencil · 29/04/2023 08:31

I never fobbed her off attall. If she had spoken to me regarding the alleged incident with my daughter when it happened (like I did with her) then I would have spoken to my daughter about it then and there. The fact she waited a whole 2 weeks to tell me about it made me wonder if it even happened attall! My hunch was is this asome type of revenge text because she didn't like the fact her daughter hit my kid. The girl in question has since lifted her hand to two ther kids in the class and when the teacher has asked her over to speak about it she has walked away!

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