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Struggling with all the screaming

10 replies

Poppybloom55 · 26/04/2023 10:51

Hey Mamas and Papas

I’m looking for some advice (or maybe just a place to let off steam)!

My little boy is 6 months old and I’m seriously struggling with the amount of scream crying and lack of sleep. I feel like for every foot we make forward, we take 3 back.

Within a few weeks of being born, he was crying for hours and hours a day, every day, so clear signs of Colic. We went back and forth the GP soooo many times. They gave us everything to try. One minute they were saying it’s colic, try infacol, try colief drops, try this try that. Then it was silent reflux. Again more medicine (I think we tried about 4 different things for reflux). Then they said it was CMPA / Intolerance so we switched to hydrolysed formula. Nothing worked. We tried changing his regular milk. No difference.

This had been going on about 4 months by this point and eventually the GP said to me he’s simply just a ‘cry baby’ and we just needed to wait it out and the good news was that by this age, he should be close to outgrowing it.

Anyway, the last 2 months there has been improvement. The crying isn’t 3+ hours every day but it’s far from outgrown.

He is a terrible sleeper. Naps and overnight. I’ve tried absolutely everything. I know how long his wake windows are and he often gets tired the same time each day so I can preempt when a nap is due and try getting him down before he gets overtired but it just happens anyway. Any attempt at putting him down just results in him screaming and screaming. He doesn’t like to sleep on me either, same response. Nothing I do settles him and often the crying just continues for the best part of an hour before he crashes with exhaustion. The longest his naps last are about 22 minutes so it’s difficult to go through a good hour of crying just for him to get 20 minutes of sleep.

Overnight starts off well but quickly goes south. We’ve had a bedtime routine since really early on and it does appear to have done the trick. He recognises it’s time for bed and goes down quite quickly in his crib. After about 2 hours, he starts to stir. Sometimes we’ve intervened to settle him quickly, other times we’ve left him to try resettle but neither work. The stirring turns to crying, he wakes and then he cries continuously.

About 4 weeks ago I felt like I was barely coping with such little sleep so I lied him in my bed and he instantly fell asleep through to 5am (he usually feeds in the middle of the night). The next night I put him in his crib as usual but same thing happened and I moved him into the bed with me. This has become a thing now over the last 4 weeks. I’m not against co-sleeping but I’m just worried that it’s not an ideal age to start it. At 6 months I thought we’d be moving him to his own bedroom but here we are, unable to even get him to sleep in his own bed.

The last 3 nights I’ve tried really hard to just keep resettling him in his own crib but by about 3/4am I’ve given up and ended up sleeping in bed with him because I can’t stand the crying.

Between the colic for months, and this crying to sleep all the time, I just feel like I’m doing a terrible job and I return to work next month and really don’t know how I’m going to cope when I have to add an 8 hour shift 5 days a week into the equation as well.

Appreciate any advice people can give!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Skybluepinky · 26/04/2023 11:58

Contact yr HV sounds like u need more help.

Ncforthispost23 · 26/04/2023 12:49

Hi OP,

I’m only 11 weeks in but I could have wrote your post. I’ve spent another morning in tears because of the same things. We’re on Omeprazole and Neocate formula and still she’s constantly crying, nap times are a battle and even worse if you dare to try and sit down with her to settle her! She wakes very easily and frequently it’s not a peaceful, I’m done sleeping now wake, it’s an irritable, fidgeting and crying wake. We’ve been told colic, CMPA, reflux.

The second you stop the car for a red light / junction etc, she wakes and cries. The second you stop pushing the pram to dare look at something on a shelf in a shop, she cries. One of us has to be walking her constantly whilst the other trails behind. Any shred of ‘us time’ we might have got with a ‘normal’ baby, is non existent. I love her so much but I’m completely at my wits end. So, you’re not alone and it’s bloody awful.

The only thing I can suggest if you haven’t is as above, try and link up with your HV.
The only other suggestion I’m looking at for our baby is tongue tie. We’re taking her for a private assessment as that can cause reflux and colic like symptoms (and she has issues around feeding like clicking/dribbling etc).

Quitelikeit · 26/04/2023 12:55

So once he is in your bed he settles?

The baby wants to be with you so how about buying one of those things that attach to the side of your bed? They’re like mini cots

This us just a phase and it will pass but personally having been where you are I would just buy the attachment thing for your bed. Look on FB or gumtree

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Mummynew08 · 26/04/2023 12:57

Hi op we had the exact same. I found the concept of "purple crying" I think it's called, where your baby just cries a lot even though there's no medical problem. Her naps were often just 7min long, after being shushed/rocked for over 20min to get her to sleep in the first place. I got such bad tinnitus from all the screaming.

You won't want to hear this but the only thing that helped was more contact: Co sleeping, co napping, breastfeeding all the time. It very gradually got better but she's never been a good sleeper, sleeping just 9-10h total per 24h even when she was a newborn.

If it makes you feel better tho, this could be totally unrelated but she's really good at speaking and vocabulary for her age now shes 2.5, and I reckon it's because she has had so many more hours awake! She's got more time to listen/learn...?! It's the only consolation for the awful sleep deprivation we suffered for almost 2y...!

geraniumsrojo · 26/04/2023 13:04

Ignoring the issues from when he was younger...

You have a baby who doesn't nap well and sleeps well overnight in your bed.

You are going back to work soon, so don't worry too much about naps, nursery will sort that. I promise he will nap at nursery. They. All. Do. Maybe you and your partner can alternate taking him for long nap walks at the weekend, while the other gets some rest.

At night let him sleep in your bed, don't make life harder then it needs to be.

Mummynew08 · 26/04/2023 13:11

I promise he will nap at nursery. They. All. Do

They probably nearly all do but my dd dropped her naps at nursery at 13m, and even before then she often couldnt manage it. The amazing staff tried everything, often the only way they could get her to nap was if her key worker "co-slept" with her on the floor (cuddle lying down and pretend to snore!) But that didn't work after 13m old.

Not all babies need as much sleep as others, and not all babies can relax and sleep anywhere.

Op as long as your baby is a healthy weight and length, and is hitting the usual milestones eg sitting up, rolling and soon crawling, they'll be fine. My dd has always been perfectly healthy on all those things in spite of way less sleep than other babies. Some babies just scream a lot and hate sleeping!

Poppybloom55 · 26/04/2023 15:33

@Skybluepinky HV is coming next week so will be asking for their advice.

@Ncforthispost23 Sorry to hear that. It’s awful isn’t it because you feel like you have an unhappy baby despite all your best efforts. We had omprezale and nutramigen but we’ve since ditched both after neither helped and DR is now happy that baby doesn’t have CMPA. We also ruled out tongue tie. It’s certainly improved with age but it’s a long time of such a struggle.

@Quitelikeit yes once in my bed he’ll settle instantly but his crib is a next2me which attaches to the side of the bed so I am still right next to him, but for some reason it’s only in my bed that he’ll settle. I know it sounds silly but I’ve been wondering if he’s simply uncomfortable as my bed obviously has a much softer mattress! God knows. For now we will continue to co-sleep most likely.

@geraniumsrojo I don’t mind him being in my bed, it’s more so that I struggle to sleep still. Obviously it’s more peaceful because he’s not crying but i can’t help but worry it’s not the safest place for him to be. We’re following all the co-sleeping safe sleep advice but SIDS guidelines still recommend their own bed so I just worry about that.

@Mummynew08 thank you. For now we will continue co-sleeping as I don’t think I have much choice. He will be at nursery so fingers crossed we will see an improvement.

Thanks all for your opinions. It’s just been a tiring time and I needed a vent. I’m more than happy for him to have plenty of contact, it’s more so the nervous feeling I have about SIDS etc. that worries me with co-sleeping and people always say to me “you’ll create a rod for your own back if you let baby sleep with you” and “they’ll never go in their own bed”

OP posts:
Sillysosij · 26/04/2023 15:47

They say that, but I promise you, he will not be a teenager still wanting to sleep with Mummy just because he was a screamy baby and you did what you had to in order to cope.

We went through a phase of cosleeping. I thought I was going to lose my mind. She has always been an awful sleeper but- she’s 8, and even on bad sleeping nights she will at least stay in her room doing colouring by herself! It does end.

Mummynew08 · 26/04/2023 17:19

“you’ll create a rod for your own back if you let baby sleep with you”

Whenever anyone used to say this to me, well I didn't usually bother replying but if I did I'd say "I've got a rod on my bloody back already!" Choose your rod if you know what I mean. Screaming for hours on end, 7min naps, tinnitus, mum guilt because my baby sounds like she's being tortured? Or a clingy baby/toddler who can't sleep without being cuddled, wanted breastfeeding wherever we went for 2y+, won't even let me go to the loo on my own, but is happy and quiet?

I chose rod-for-my-back-no2.

Sazzlehead · 26/04/2023 23:39

Hello, sorry you're going through this its so hard. My son ( now 10 months) was exactly the same. Please don't rule of CMPA on the GPs advice, I've found they know v little on the topic. I took us 3 different types of formula to find one which made my DS settled.
I know this will sound completely mad but make sure baby is in a v dark room when napping and try white noise, in particular this track
https://open.spotify.com/episode/3zkdabRAuF3FjcpJ5MxYDz?si=PGvcMoRFTPe-w_D3q7bTIw
In the hours of not sleeping my husband and I tried about a million different white noise tracks and this by far had the best effect. I've even shared it with the other mums at baby group who all now use It too.
Also is he warm enough for naps/sleeping? My DS also used to give in to naps when I wore him in my baby carrier - we got a mamaruga zensling which is v soft and easy to put on for both me and my husband. DS would fight sleep in it and then after a few minutes of us walking up and down the kitchen like crazy people he would sleep. Hope things get better for you soon.

Spotify

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3zkdabRAuF3FjcpJ5MxYDz?si=PGvcMoRFTPe-w_D3q7bTIw

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