Logistics of separating

[JosieOhNo]

My husband and I are on the brink of separating and among the feelings & emotions I'm starting to wonder about the actual practicalities - how the bloody hell is it going to work?! We have one daughter, aged 7.

With the proceeds of our house, and savings, we should both be able to buy a decent house. I don't want one of us in a palace, the other in a squat! They will both be in the same area, close enough for daughter to remain in the same school.

The fairest scenario is that my daughter splits her time - a week with me, week with her dad. My husband is agreed in this.

How does this setup work, practically?

Where do all her things stay? School uniform? Do we both keep sets of uniform or does she take them from house to house? Toys, games? If it's just split and she has some stuff at mine, some at her dad's, I can see inevitably that the one thing she wants to play with or wear, is always at the other one's house. Will that lead to resentment... it's not fair, why can't you just live together...)

What about 'handover' time? What kind of routine works?

Do we set up a joint account to pay 50/50 for all things daughter related? Clubs, clothes, presents for friends' birthdays...?

Any advice, or stories of how anyone else navigates this would be appreciated.

For context, it's all amicable, albeit raw & painful. There's no OW or OM. If I sound cold about it all, it's because I'm trying to put my practical head on, so that I can see how the future could look.

I'm also aware that however we start things off, routines and agreements may change if and when new partners come on the scene. However for now, this won't be the case.

It's not something I've experienced @JosieOhNo but a close relative does similar and has an account for things like activities and swimming lessons and that seems to work ok.

Have you talked about how it will work practically? So when the handover will be? I've got a couple of DF's who drop theirs off on a Monday morning at School and pick them up the following Monday from school but it can cause problems with moving things between the houses?

Are you and STBXH going to live close enough to one another so that she can walk from one house to another when she's a little older?

Is your STBXH aware that he's fully responsible for her on his weeks, so things like phoning the GP is she's I'll and taking time off work to look after her? Arranging care around his work? Only asking as I know a lot of DFs who's ex's still seem to think that the Woman does it all.

We move things between houses. There are logistical issues with things going to dad’s never to be seen again, and things being at the wrong house when needed, but we don’t live too far apart so just go and get things if needed. They move Xbox, toys etc between houses. We have kind of a 60/40 split with part of the week at dad’s.

We don’t have a joint account, just discuss it and agree together.

We haven't talked properly about it, there's still a lot of denial on his part so don't want to rush things.

Good point about things like doctors, other appointments etc. I've always done everything in that respect so it'll take a bit of getting used to for him to take it on when it's his week, but I'm confident he will. We both work from home and currently share pick ups & drop offs, so that won't be an issue either.

I don't think houses will be walking distance, in fact I think it will be healthier not to be that close!

I don't think houses will be walking distance, in fact I think it will be healthier not to be that close!

I know but sometimes it's best to take the long view with these things. She won't be able to drive for 10 years, that's a lot of trips between houses. Plus, when she's a bit older she might find that the arrangement doesn't suit her so much and may want to change it.

That's a good point, thanks @SiouxsieSiouxStiletto

So much to think about!