Found out I'm having a boy - freaking out a bit!

[Asher09]

I have a 16 month old daughter and am 5 months pregnant with my second baby who I found out is a boy.

My husband always wanted 1 girl and 1 boy (his family dynamic) so he is over the moon and I'm so happy for us but I feel a bit out of place. I have a sister and grew up around a lot of girls. I don't have a brother and didn't have a dad for part of my childhood so theres hardly any male influences in my life. I always pictured myself with atleast 2 girls... don't get me wrong, I am beyond thankful for this pregnancy and what is a healthy baby, I know I will love my baby so please dont judge BUT...

...I'm panicking at how to be a boy mum, how difficult or different will it be to a little girl? How will I connect with my son? What will my daughter and sons relationship be like? I know a lot girls want sisters so I feel a bit sad for not giving my daughter that.

Any boy and girl mums out there that can advise? Anyone with a brother who can speak on their sibling relationship?

No need to freak. When they're born, babies are just babies. The sex of your child is really only relevant when it comes down to nappy changes. Your new baby will be your precious bundle, just like your first born was. After that, children are all different and have their own personalities. They aren't walking stereotypes, unless you condition them to be that way.

Having a sibling of the same sex absolutely does not guarantee a close relationship. I'm far closer to my brother than I am to my nearer in age sister. That's down to personality and behaviour.

I have two boys, I have no problem connecting to them. I'm not a "boy mum", I'm just a mum of two children who happen to be boys. I would have parented the same way if I'd had girls or one of each. Presumably your DDs father is able to relate to her despite being male?

I've got two teenage boys and they've been a piece of cake to parent - both are lovely, funny cuddly lads. I used to think"oh no I'll have to stand and watch football matches now" but I tell you when eldest at 6 belted a goal in in a summer camp match I thought my heart would burst with pride. And it turns out they both hate sports now anyway just like their mum funnily enough :D

I used to quite like people thinking "ooh you've got your hands full there!" because seriously they were so easy and lovely.

And no I never got wee on my face when changing nappies and no my bathroom floor isn't covered in it either!

Honestly stop over thinking it!! A little baby will appear who you'll love with all your heart. You'll react to him as a person, to his nature, not his genitals! My son has many more stereotypical girl characteristics. My daughter has all the typically boy characteristics. Think of him as a unique, individual human first and foremost.
My friend had no dad, 4 sisters and then a baby boy. He's now 15 and they have the most loving, close relationship I've seen between a parent and child.

My boy is and always has been the biggest mummy’s boy ever, whereas my girl is far more independent.

Don’t assume you won’t have anything in common with them, you’ll find loads of shared interests over the years. Me and my boy are off to watch WWE wrestling together this week!

I wanted to add I have 2 brothers (no sisters). We've always been very close. We had so much fun growing up together. Now we're in our 40s/30s and still have so much fun. It's nonstop laughter whenever we're together (although we can talk about serious stuff too). We're in touch nearly every day.
I have a girl and a boy and they're also very close. My daughter is much more independent and doesn't like being cuddled. My son is a real mummy's boy and very cuddly. I kind of like the fact that boys mature later. 10 year old DS is still very much a little boy. No signs of puberty starting any time soon. At the same age DD was a little teenager!

Boy mum or girl mum a baby is a baby they are the same species! Honestly there’s no difference

I have a brother and a sister and adore both of them.

I also have a son and a daughter and I parent them the same. There are some differences in the things that capture their attention but that's the same for all children. For example, ds loves reading, scooting and Minecraft. Dd loves trampolining, minecraft and crafting. Their interests change all the time too. You don't need to know anything specific really. They've both a book specific to boys / girls for puberty but they both know all the same things.

You'll be ok!

Parenting another child is always going to be different. No two kids are the same. I have an older girl and younger boy and a major plus has been that they don't feel in competition with each other (the age gap probably helps). They are just two different people though with some shared interests and they get along great (most of the time!)

I could’ve written this last month. Young DD, for some reason assumed I would have another girl - I have sisters and wanted the same for DD, lots of girls in the wider family and very few boys. When the scan revealed a boy I have to admit I felt a bit odd and flat for a few days, and felt a bit guilty DD wasn’t getting the sister relationship I so valued in life.

Anyway DS is 5 weeks now and I couldn’t love him any more ❤️ I have no idea how his relationship with DD will play out, but when I think about the boy/girl pairs I know, they tend to sand the very gendered edges off one another - whereas single sex siblings tend to end up very boyish or very girly.

Following this thread out of interest!

This was one of my worries as well and DH is also wrong side of 40. It always seems to be boys who have the more severe behavioural problems or learning difficulties (9 times out of 10). Of course if DS ends up with either I will love him and take care of him as best I can, but obviously nobody wants it for their child and it makes life so much harder.

I think I’ve been reading too many threads on here as SEN seems to be every other child! I have to remind myself nobody would post just to talk about their non-SEN kid so it’s overrepresentation.

Thanks so much for understanding. I work in the SEN sector, I think it can skew perceptions somewhat. Makes me think it's inevitable. I know I'll love him whatever but the unknown is scary.

No problem, it really did play on my mind for a long time (and still does to some extent, I feel like I won’t be completely satisfied until he turns 2 and all seems well), but Mn can be quite hostile to things like this so feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat/vent your worries!

I was also a bit shocked when I found out DC2 was a boy. With my first DC I was more open to the idea of having a boy but once I had a DD I sort of expected to have another one (I’m the oldest of 2 girls so once I had a girl that was the blueprint in my head)
Honestly once he was here it was fine, the only difference is nappy changes (the first one I did in hospital he managed to pee on his own head 😂)

I didn't give much thought to what gender my baby was going to be and it didn't really bother me either way tbh. BUT... then I had a boy.

And my goodness do I love and adore him and all of his interests! I didn't grow up with any brothers, so didn't have that sort of relationship to draw on but you just get on with it. Just take him as an individual as opposed to thinking you'll need to 'learn' how to do or like 'boy things'. These sorts of gender norms aren't a big issue these days thankfully and kids can be who they want and not be pigeonholed into liking 'boy thing' or 'girl things'. My son loves dressing up, baking, cooking, has been known to indulge in my skincare 😅

I absolutely love being a boy mom ❤️

@MrsWhites that’s so cool!

Just watch out for the pee hose and you'll be fine. Babies/ kids are individuals, there are plenty of sisters who hate each other and brother/ sister pairs who are best friends. My son's no different to his friends who are girls, except issues with the aforementioned pee hose!

OP I grew up only child and just a mum and 3 sons in and it's absolutely amazing!
I'm now pregnant with a girl and my reaction of shock surprised me!
Not in any way disappointed with having a girl but the learning new stuff.
I've been watching YouTube tutorials on how to style girls hair etc, because I'm a bit crap at the girly stuff 😂
I've found having boys absolutely amazing and I feel so grateful to have raised lads that I enjoy spending time with and I'm proud of.

I've been told plenty of stories about how girls are easier or boys are easier and I can't see it being down to their sex, just the kid.

2 of my sons are the sweetest and easiest to be with, the other one I think is possibly trying raise hell as I write this.

Mine is one. He already eats a similar portion to that of his 5 year old sister. 🤣

Working in SEN, do you think I need to be worried that my almost 20 month old has no words yet?

Yep.

Me to DS (about 11:30ish, he's 15):
Hey DS what are your plans for today?
DS: I'm going to finish breakfast (at least 3 bowls) then have a shower (at least 45mins, I don't want to know) then have lunch, then I'll eat more, then I'll go for a run etc etc.

What's for dinner?

I have a grown up daughter and a grown up son

Think the world of them
Even though at different stages they were bloody hard work at times, but also lovely aswell ,

You will love being a mother of a boy just as much as having a daughter

Boys with their mums can just be loving too ,

Congratulations @Asher09

Obviously beneficial to have other good male role figures in your unborn son life, like a uncle or Grandfather ect on yours or your husband families

So keep the fridge full and I will be fine with baby DS basically!

He's into making protein flapjacks now so we just have to get the ingredients.

I had a girl then a boy. I can confirm that you will adore him and be able to parent him in exactly the same way as you do your DD!
They are both delightful - DD was the far more boisterous toddler.

Myself and my brother are incredibly close. Wasn't so much during teenage years but definitely from early twenties to now (in our early 40's) we live opposite ends of the country but are best friends. I have a sister whom I've not spoken to years. Don't worry about something you can't change OP.