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Original poster

Dynamics - only one baby with 3 older step kids

8 replies

Ebobo43 · 24/04/2023 11:47

Hi all,

sorry posted this thread elsewhere but this might be a better place.

i have a baby with my husband (my first, his 4th).
the older 3 are 9, 11 & 14.
hadn’t planned such a big gap but some things don’t happen so easily. The older 3 are great with baby etc
for various reasons, we will not be able to have another child.
I think I’m starting to feel a little guilty - will my baby miss out being without siblings more than Half the week? They won’t have a little play mate the same age? Or do you think it will be ok? The older 3 are still here a lot & even pop round days they are not staying with us (desperate to see baby etc). Baby had so much fun with them and squeals with excitement when they come round. We are lucky they have all bonded so well. But I feel a little sad whenever they leave and baby stands watching at the window.. 😞
wondering if anyone in similar situation or has been that kid themselves? or if anyone has any thoughts/ words of wisdom etc
thanks 🙏

OP posts:
Suzannargh · 24/04/2023 14:05

Realistically with that age gap there’ll always be a bit of a generation gap between them, and the older three will have formed a tight unit.

However it sounds like they’ve all bonded well and if you’d had a child with someone else, your baby may end up as an only child without any siblings at all (and most only children are fine with that!). No families are always picture-perfect.

Keep an eye on these kind of thoughts in case of PND.

Original poster
Ebobo43 · 24/04/2023 16:40

@Suzannargh
thank you so much for your reply. It is reassuring. I guess I have it in my head that because the other kids are only here sometimes that baby is missing out, but a big age gap can happen in any family. And the older ones are at a stage of going out with friends more etc. So I guess that would happen anyway.
they really have bonded so well. In fact they fight with each other a lot and avoid each other so much that they probably spend more time with baby!
we have the health visitor soon so I’ll mention my thoughts to her so we can keep a check on them thank you x

OP posts:
Suzannargh · 24/04/2023 20:11

When you think about it, there’s a lot of advantages to having much older siblings - less rivalry for instance, and your baby will have three more loving people who could be supportive role models when he or she’s growing up. Hope you feel better soon!

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sugardonutnojam · 24/04/2023 23:23

I am in the exact same situation as you OP. My SKs range from 18 to 9!!! And our baby will be our only baby because of my DH age. It’s sad that this baby will be our only one - or rather my only one with my DH. He had a vasectomy five weeks after LOs arrival.

bellsandwhistles333 · 24/04/2023 23:48

I had your exact situation with number of step kids and theirs ages when we had our bio son. Honestly it's been five, he's 5 now and is starting to question where us siblings go when they are here and yes he does sometimes get sad as they are great with him when they are here but after 10 mins he's fine and he's back to our routine and we get to give him all of our time and attention.

Original poster
Ebobo43 · 25/04/2023 10:04

Suzannargh · 24/04/2023 20:11

When you think about it, there’s a lot of advantages to having much older siblings - less rivalry for instance, and your baby will have three more loving people who could be supportive role models when he or she’s growing up. Hope you feel better soon!

So true there is definitely less rivalry!! they actually probably spend more time falling out and avoiding each other lol.
doesn’t matter what baby does they always find it funny/amazing/cute. :)
even when baby is upset they are so patient and fight over who gets to try and settle baby. It’s so sweet and been so good to see them gain parenting skills without even releasing ! We never make them do anything but let them be as involved as they want and I think knowing they are trusted makes them so confident with baby :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Ebobo43 · 25/04/2023 10:10

sugardonutnojam · 24/04/2023 23:23

I am in the exact same situation as you OP. My SKs range from 18 to 9!!! And our baby will be our only baby because of my DH age. It’s sad that this baby will be our only one - or rather my only one with my DH. He had a vasectomy five weeks after LOs arrival.

Yes both of our ages, and there had been loss and infertility etc etc. So this baby is a miracle really!
If you think about it , your baby has the same age gap with the 9 year old as the 9 year old does with the 18 year old!
I do have many siblings and the gap from oldest to youngest is 19 years lol and we are all really close.

map I guess the gap can happen in any family situation and maybe I am so bet thinking things!
I was in the middle so I’ve never been the only kid at home!
but I guess somebody has to be the youngest! And older siblings move out before anyway.

but it still is sad to say baby watching siblings leave :/
but I guess if they don’t know any different it will maybe make it a bit Easier?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ebobo43 · 25/04/2023 10:13

bellsandwhistles333 · 24/04/2023 23:48

I had your exact situation with number of step kids and theirs ages when we had our bio son. Honestly it's been five, he's 5 now and is starting to question where us siblings go when they are here and yes he does sometimes get sad as they are great with him when they are here but after 10 mins he's fine and he's back to our routine and we get to give him all of our time and attention.

Aw shame, but glad to know he is ok shortly after!!
I guess baby will experience being in big crazy busy family some days, but also quiet one to one time other days.

thank you 😊

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