2 year old constant meltdowns I’m drained!

[Sam478]

I know every toddler has meltdowns but I really don’t know what’s normal. My son is 2.5 and just seems to have them so often now. We have tantrums daily over daily things mainly nappy changes, not wanting to get in/ out the bath and not wanting to go or leave somewhere. But the ones he’s having recently are getting so much worse, he was screaming all the way in the car as didn’t want to nanny house who he normally loves to go too. He was getting himself so worked up n pulled himself out the straps somehow. Then tonight he wouldn’t get out the bath so I had to carry him out then was going mad while I was trying to get him changed I thought he was going to be sick, just kept screaming I want to go back in the bath. I’m not sure when to be worried? Just know I’m knackered and dread every outing.

My DD is exactly like this. In fact, we’ve had the same situations you described about getting herself out of her car seat straps and the bath tantrum.

The bath one happened a few weeks ago where she said she wanted conditioner in her hair so I put some in and then she said she didn’t want conditioner and had a huge screaming tantrum about it. I also have DS 3 months who found the screaming (particularly bad in the echoey bathroom) terrifying and started crying in real distress. I had to pull her out of the bath while she was dripping wet and flailing about, all the while having to listen to DS crying his little heart out. It was one of my worst times as a parent.

DD’s screaming can be so intense that I’ve actually bought DS some baby ear defenders for when it’s really bad. I have read books like how to talk to kids will listen etc and I’ve followed gentle parenting advice and it really does help but I think some toddlers are just very intense with their tantrums. I do get where you’re coming from though as I’ve often wondered what other toddlers are like and how we fall in the spectrum of what’s ‘normal’.

Can you cut back on non essential outings and anything that sets him off for a while?
Let you all have a bit of peace, and maybe it’ll give you a chance to slowly build back and see what’s setting him off?

Obviously do essentials, but a cloth wash rather than a bath would be fine if he’s ok with that.

He could be really overwhelmed.

Thanks for your replies, I think you’re right about some having them more intense than others. I also have DD 4 months who’s been screaming tonight because of it.

I’ve tried to do a easy routine but hard as he just doesn’t want nappy changes which needs to be done and we don’t know until he’s in the bath if he’s going to play up or not.

I'm currently in the same position and my patience is wearing thin. I've been told at nursery she's so well behaved though and does exactly what's she does all the time. At home she's a mini terrorist and I feel terrible saying this but I'm really not enjoying being around her at all 😔

With nappy changes - does he have to lie down for them, or can you use pull up types?
We had to do that for ds, with a tray of interesting things (that he had limited access to) for him to stand and play with whilst being changed.

i know it’s easier said than done but try to ignore them or carry on doing what you are doing.
I usually ask my son if he’s finished and ready for a cuddle?
or we do counting to calm down…. By the time we get to 8 he’s usually calmer.
It
distraction works too.

some of the meltdowns my son has are extreme. I don’t know how I get through them sometimes

Potty training to avoid the nappy issue? Explain it and give him the choice. If he wees/poos on the potty he doesn't need his nappy changed anymore.

Make sure your giving him adequate notice for things like getting in/out the bath, going/leaving somewhere. I'd give him a heads up at the start of the day and then five minute warning, 2 minute warning and then count to 5.

I have a 26 month old and something I have learnt is options, choice and responsibility are huge in avoiding tantrums. Adequate day sleep is vital to avoid melt downs and 0 sugar (accept fruit & natural options etc) because they become the devil with it. I find if I give my little girl good advanced warning of what we are going to do, list all the positives and give her some choice it lessens the tantrums. Also, with the bath thing, I find if I take something off her (because I’ve asked her to stop playing with it or messing etc) she gets a cob on and wants to leave the bath … which is good for me even if she is upset, pop a dummy in, carry on with the rest of bedtime routine. Routine is also huge in avoiding battles and finding balance between taking them here there and everywhere and allowing them some time to just play open ended in their own surroundings. My little girl is at nursery through the week so it’s nice one day a week to just be at home with no real time pressures … all of that said, doesn’t always work and we still have melt downs but it’s far less than it could be. I also know that I can’t rush her with things, the more annoyed I get and want to hurry, the more she pushes back … which is often a huge problem when trying to get to nursery and work on time but that’s when trying to make things super exciting and a game comes in. … it’s absolutely exhausting haha. She also loves responsibility, so I give her little tasks to do and I let her take time to figure things out for herself and intervene asking if she needs help before the meltdown hits. We also went through a spell of bath times being horrendous, after 2 weeks of battles we got back into a routine but still often have issues with it. Sorry, that may not be helpful at all

Thanks for all your helpful tips, I’m very much trialling things at the mo. Tried keeping him informed letting him know where we’re going but then it caused more upset the whole journey there. Today I didn’t tell him we were going to preschool and then could only start crying at the door so didn’t have enough time to get in a state.

potty training would be ideal but he’s just so stubborn don’t think he’s ready yet. After an upset stomach a couple of weeks he bad nappy rash so took his nappy off and told him the potty was there, but just pooed on and wouldn’t sit on it!

Pooed on the carpet that was meant to say

@Sam478 my son is currently like this. I know this post was back in April but I'm just looking for some light at the end of the tunnel 🙏 has he got any easier?

Good luck! I found that stage very difficult to manage. It seems so hard to get a balance between giving them autonomy and respecting them as (very annoying) people and not giving in. Argh. Currently, mine thinks its perfectly ok to poop in the garden. Definitely not giving in on this, but I also find it hilarious.

@MyBrownEyedHandsomeBoy have definitely improved from where we were, I can actually go to places now and not dread having to get him to leave. Luckily we are potty trained too so that argument over. He still does have moments and even today he didn’t want to get changed for preschool but lucky managed to persuade him. Things are definitely easier when I stay calm n talk him round rather than having to force him as he’s so stubborn he’ll doesn’t like giving in.

Hi any updates on your darling son ? In the trenches right now ? ☺️

Things are definitely better, he’s started school now and his teacher would say he’s a perfect pupil. Although he’s still got his stubborn ways and some days just decides he doesn’t want to get changed, but communication is easier and he doesn’t lose it like he used to. Sorry you’re in the thick of it, thick of was a good 6 months of no reasoning with him and everything a struggle but from 3 he got better. My daughter has just turned 2, luckily generally lot more calm though tonight she just lost it when it was time to go to bed.