Where do I go from here since he didn't show

[nzkxix]

The kids dad promised my oldest two he would be here tomorrow and watch the youngest so I could take them to the cinema. He never showed. He was over yesterday and promised them

I said stay tonight so we definitely get to go since he's so lazy and unreliable.

He got to 11.30 pm said nah this is horrible I've hated today and went out drinking with his friends.

He texted me at 2pm today saying I'll come and watch. Then so you can go out and get sex (extremely weird to say)

He will find a way to blame it on me. When he said he hated it last night I just cried. He said he felt uncomfortable and will say that's why he never showed. Also because I kept starting conversation. Every time I tried to speak to him or involve him with the kids he sighed or was horrible.

I've cried so much today at him not showing. I can't understand how he can do that to his kids.

What do I do now?

So sorry he's doing this. What do you do? Well, you harden your heart. You accept that you can't rely on this man to be there for his kids, and you never ask a favour of him again. Never make arrangements that depend on him turning up. Easy for me to say I know, but it's that or set your kids up for a lifetime of being let down by him.

Stop crying, your kids will notice and it’s not fair on them at all. I sympathise as my ex is similar, but you have to be strong and calm for them.

With my ex I deal with it by never relying on him for anything. If he offers to look after them so I can do something else I say no thanks, I always give the impression that I’m happy for him to see the kids not not arsed if he’s not about. If he wants to see them and we aren’t busy that’s fine il head out or get them ready to be picked up.

So if I ask if he’s coming kid event and he says no I just say ok see you next time, if he cancels I say ‘that’s a shame they were looking forward to seeing you’ and nothing else. I don’t need him for anything and I’m completely happy with my situation so if he wants to come that’s fine, he’s welcome, but if not no worries. I don’t actually feel like this, but it means he gets absolutely no satisfaction or reaction. It’s hard work but it works for us as he’s ultimately more reliable as a result. You don’t need him and he doesn’t deserve those kids, he’s the one missing out here.

Dont have him in your house. He is rude.

Dont make plans with him.

he only cares about himself

does he pay maintenance?

The kids dad promised my oldest two he would be here tomorrow and watch the youngest so I could take them to the cinema.

In this case I try and act casual about it for the kids, once it’s clear he’s not showing I’d say ‘looks like he’s not been able to make it for some reason, we will rearrange this event for another time and let’s make the most of it and go do xyz instead’ and generally my kids will roll with it. If they are upset obviously I deal with that differently and make sure they can talk about it. But they never hear a bad word about him from me and they do not see me flustered by him. It’s the best way for them.

Stop having him in your house, stop having conversations with him beyond basic childcare arrangements - do by message/ text if necessary. Don't rely on him for anything. And try to stop caring about his opinion - you know you've done the right thing by your children. Don't get in to conversations where you're justifying yourself. Hopefully when he doesn't get a rise out of you it will become less fun for him.