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I just want to be free....

3 replies

Emm220884 · 23/04/2023 17:03

Sorry this is a bit of a downer on a Sunday!

My brilliant boys at 16.5 and nearly 13. Their dad left 12.5 years ago, until recently I was the one who was in contact with him.

The boys don't want to speak or see their Dad. I've tried to keep contact, and facilitated the occasional meet in a coffee shop or local park.

At their ages, they've refused to do this anymore. It's been really hard. I've tried my hardest to keep the lines open, support them to speak their mind but to be respectful. As you can imagine, I've copped it all from both the boys and their Dad, being in the middle.

Recently, I've been accused of restricting his access to the boys. My mental health is low, and I'm struggling. I've made the decision to block him so that he cannot contact me. The boys are able to contact him as and when they want.

How do you manage stuff like this? I've seen a solicitor and a counsellor, they've told me I'm perfectly ok to do this. I just want to be free. We were married for such a short time (4years) but the last 18 years of my life have been so controlled by this man, I just want to be free.

If you made it to the end, thank you so much for your patience

OP posts:
Thelittlekingdom · 23/04/2023 17:07

Give yourself permission to be free. You’ve done your best to facilitate a relationship between your boys and their father but you’re not obligated to. Your boys are of an age where they can make that choice. Leave him blocked. It sounds like your boys have the measure of this man.

SunnyLion · 23/04/2023 17:11

Your boys have phones so their dad can contact them.
I blocked my ex 4 months ago. Best thing I did (besides divorcing him) I feel free. It really has been a weight lifted off me.
He can contact our kids when he likes.
Do it. You won't regret it.

MintJulia · 23/04/2023 17:45

It's 12 years since I split from my ex. He still tries to have a part in my life as well as that of our ds. I know what you mean, that desire just to be rid of someone who is essentially a stranger in my life, poking his nose.

DS is in his GCSE year so field trips and school skiing and weekends away with friends are frequent now. Ex still rings or texts and I ignore it. I don't rise or react. I haven't even blocked him. That would be a reaction.

DS has no desire to spend more time than the current 5 hours a week with his dad, and I'm looking forward to the day DS has a driving licence and then there will be no reason (other than emergencies) for us to communicate.

Like you, I can't wait. 😐

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