I simply can’t do this

[BlackBarbies]

I haven’t even bothered to name change because I don’t care anymore.

I hate being a parent. Words cannot describe how this life just isn’t for me. It doesn’t matter how much support I have around me, how many ‘breaks’ or time to myself that I have.

I’m not a good parent either. DD is nearly two and I shout at her all the time. I have no patience when really, all she’s doing is typical toddler things. She doesn’t listen and may even have Autism. DS who just turned one a few days ago has a genetic disorder. Every single week we have appointments. It never stops.

I work 3/4 days a week and I’m just burnt out. I’m not with their dad anymore but I do have a lot of support from him. He looks after the kids when I’m working and if I want to go out. When I’m alone with the kids, it just highlights how much I can’t cope.

DS gets recurring chest infections and is currently quite ill. I put him down to have a nap as he had a disrupted sleep during the night. DD opened the door and ran right through the bedroom waking him up. I grabbed her arm and stormed out the room with her and told her not to go in there. Why? I have no reason. She’s a one year old child who doesn’t know that her brother is ill and she didn’t know she’d be disturbing him. I still lost my cool and shouted at her.

I don’t want sympathy because honestly it’s pathetic. I’m sure it’s borderline abusive to keep on treating her like this. I’m on 10mg of sertraline and it’s barely touching the sides.

I’ll name change after this and probably won’t respond to any posts but thank you MN for letting me have a space to complain about my life. I know some people would do anything to become a parent but it just isn’t for me. I can’t do it

Just checking on you, @BlackBarbies
Have you managed to look into additional resources? How have you been this past week?

Im really sorry to hear your struggling but you should in no way be grabbing or shouting at a young child. You need to get help. Could be your sertraline is to low get right back to the drs. They started me on 10 years ago I wasn't coping with daily life 10 did nothing.Ive been on 25 for the last 9 years and have a normal life again. I have 3 under 2s and a teen and if I caught myself shouting etc I would be right to the Dr's. It's so unfair on your children please get help.

Wow, thank you so much for thinking of me. That really is the kindest thing.

I contacted my GP earlier this week in regards to my DD and her possibly having Autism. He’s referred her to the community paediatrician for an assessment. She also starts SALT next week so it’ll be nice to have some help and hopefully get some answers on things.

I’ve been much better. I’ve been taking my antidepressants daily and feeling like I can manage things more. I also signed up for the forum that you had sent me. It’s great that they have a web chat and a phoneline so you can speak with people if needed. That’s what I need!

How have you been? I hope you’ll enjoy the bank holiday weekend and thanks so much for checking in on me. I appreciate it so much❤️

I've struggled with mental health (anxiety, panic, depression) and I know that if I am not careful I can go down the rabbit hole and that can be very difficult to dig out of. I recently went through something traumatic and asked for an urgent script for anti anxiety meds as I know myself so much better now, being proactive re meds was huge. Another thing that has helped me the past few months is just being active with my dc. Lots of walks, playground, also signed dc up for a couple of patent/tot activities. I just want to remind you that you really are stronger and more capable than you think. I'm so glad you've looked at support resources. Everything is just a step at a time. 💖

Sending my love to you❤️
Thank you for commenting x

Sounds like their dad needs to find a way to have the kids at his house.

It's just an excuse, him living with his parents. He could be the best dad in the world but if you're doing every single night them it's not equal?

Hi, @BlackBarbies
Just wanted to say Hi and let you know I've got you in my thoughts. 💖

You really are my Guardian Angel! Thank you so much for continuously showing your support and kindness.

Things have been much better since I wrote this post. DD goes to nursery 3 days a week for 5 hours and the break from her is really needed. I still have my 13 month old with me but he’s really easy going so it works out well. I now work three days a week (Sat-Mon) so I have time to take advantage of DD being at nursery on the days that I’m off.

Mentally I’ve been in a much better place. I’ve actually stopped taking the antidepressants and I’ve felt so much lighter since. I have so much more patience as DD spends a lot of her energy at nursery so I feel like I then have the energy to be a good parent to her.

Things are still a struggle but I find things feeling slightly easier on most days. I recently had a night away at a Travelodge hotel by myself and that was absolutely loved it. I booked it just to get a well deserved break away from the kids. It was lovely🥂

How are you? I hope you’re well! A big thank you to checking up on me, I really do appreciate it x

I'm so happy to know things are going well for you! I think your posts here will help others. Keep looking after yourself. Not only are you a great mum, but you are an amazing woman with endless potential. 💖

@Mumtobabyhavoc thank you so much! Your messages really do mean so much, you’re such a lovely person🥹❤️