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Parenting

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Original poster

Today Matthew I'm going to be horrible, nasty, cruel mummy!

19 replies

Demented · 18/11/2002 09:50

I cannot believe what I have just done. DS1 normally goes to the playgroup on a Monday morning. Last night however he was still up playing when I was going to bed at 10.30pm despite having been told many times to get to sleep and even being reminded of the playgroup this morning and told that he had better get to sleep. This morning he was up fairly early and has slowly got grumpier and less co-operative as the morning went on the final straw being when he didn't have his PJs off despite being asked about three times, and warned that he would not be going to playgroup if he didn't hurry up (each time disappearing as if doing what I asked only to return 5 mins later with them still on (I was b/feeding DS2 at the time). In the end I lost the rag at him and have put him back to bed. I have been up and explained exactly why he is not going to playgroup but now in retrospect I feel awful, he is almost four and well practised at removing his PJs, I provide him with the clothes then he dresses himself.

PS I've got a stinker of a cold today, I don't suppose that helped either!

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SimonHoward · 18/11/2002 09:53

Demented

Sounds like you did the right thing.

My parents always warned us that if we didn't do what we were told in situations like this then we wouldn't get to do the things we wanted and after a couple of times of us playing up and finding out what the result was my brothers and I found it easier to toe the line (at least till my brothers were teenagers but that's another story).

janh · 18/11/2002 09:57

Demented, you have done him a favour really, he would have been grumpy and unco-operative at playgroup too and had a rotten morning. He will be fine, will go back to sleep with a bit of luck and you will all feel better for that this afternoon!

(Does DS2 sleep in the morning? Can you have a nap while he is asleep? Sounds as if you could do with it too )

Tissy · 18/11/2002 09:58

Definitely.

If you threaten to do (or not do )A if he doesn't do or(not do ) B, then you must follow through. How else will he learn? It's not as if you walloped him, is it?

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SoupDragon · 18/11/2002 10:17

Yes, you did the right thing Demented. It's not a hefty punishment in the grand scheme of things but definitely appropriate and something he should be able to understand since you've explained it to him.

I use the same "threats" with my DS1 (4 in Feb) but he's now started saying "Well, I don't want X anyway". The only threat that works is turning his precious Cbeebies off. In fact, I used that threat this morning when he wouldn't remove his PJs and put his nursery uniform on...

Clarinet60 · 18/11/2002 10:33

Another one in favour. I always follow through.

aloha · 18/11/2002 10:43

Yup. The follow-trough is key. And as has been said, you're doing him a favour really - being tired is no fun for a three-year-old. And yes, it's not as if you hit him. You are doing this for his benefit as well as your own.

Marina · 18/11/2002 12:49

Follow-through is key, so good for you Demented. I was awestruck when a friend with slightly older children told me that she cancelled an expensive, already-paid for trip to Disney on Ice after her two dds repeatedly misbehaved. They were warned, of course. Their behaviour improved a lot after that and the effect was lasting (but not permanent ).

janh · 18/11/2002 13:25

Wow, Marina, that is impressive! I used to be an excellent follow-througher when they - and I - were younger - too tired now - tend to cave in eventually!

(Not sure I would ever have carried something like that through - your friend must have nerves of steel!)

Lil · 18/11/2002 13:28

Hmm, demented that would punish you not your son - now you've lost a few hours without ds, being able to just stare into the eyes of your lovely new baby all morning!

WideWebWitch · 18/11/2002 14:00

Agree with everyone, you must follow through or they get to know that your threats are idle. Agree with lil though too - I try to threaten sanctions that bother ds and not me. Nearly threatened him with not going to a birthday party recently until dp raised his eyebrow, meaning "PLEASE don't!!! we want 3 hours alone on Saturday don't we?" so swiftly changed it to removal of a game instead! Hope your cold gets better soon.

Lindy · 18/11/2002 14:07

Yes, agree that you must always follow through - it reminds me of when my mum said to my brother 'pick your toys up or I will smack you' - 'oh alright, I'll have a smack' was his reply!! (Do not want to re-start smacking thread!)

Original poster

Demented · 18/11/2002 14:15

Thanks to all for your comments and support, I think my mistake was holding up the playgroup as thing he was going to miss out on, seems to have had its effect mind you, he is a different boy this afternoon, when he came down from his room we discussed it again and he said he would go to playgroup next time and help by getting ready. I know what you mean about needing to follow through on a threat like this last week at the playgroup I witnessed a mum telling her DD that if she carried on misbehaving she would just get her coat and take her home, the little girl just looked at her mum and continued doing what she was doing and the mum just shook her head and looked the other way.

I'm impressed at your friend Marina, it would be so tempting to say something like that then just take them anyway, especially when it's all paid for.

Lil that's more or less what my DH said when he popped in for some lunch today, lovely little baby has developed mummy's nasty cold over the course of the morning and is now in bed anyway. Cue another round of worrying as I don't know whether to wake him for his lunch or not (realise he probably won't be interested in his solids but would imagine he needs his fluids). Why is motherhood so difficult!

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Tinker · 18/11/2002 14:36

Demented - how did you get him to stay in his room? THAT is some achievement Seriously though, how?

Original poster

Demented · 18/11/2002 14:49

Tinker, I've just re-read my post, it sounds as though he didn't come down till this afternoon, I wish! He did manage about an hour as I think he was either asleep or just about asleep, he was very tired, DS2 unfortunately went in to his bed screaming as he is not too well now and DS1 came back down as he was distubed.

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Tinker · 18/11/2002 14:53

To be honest, Demented, I just meant AT ALL! My daughter would just not even contemplate it!

Original poster

Demented · 18/11/2002 15:00

To be honest, I don't know, I think he could see what a foul mood I was in and he was exhausted, and very wrapped up in the fact that he was not going to the playgroup, lots of crying into his pillow. It's not like him, I also think he thought that if he went for a sleep (or at least pretended to) he could go to the playgroup after.

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mollipops · 19/11/2002 09:12

Well done demented, I have to echo the other thoughts here. The thing to be wary of is what you threaten to take away, as you say - if you really won't go thru with it, then don't say it! You did good!

Fionamc · 20/11/2002 16:06

You weren't being mean, I did the same thing with dd a couple of weeks ago when she wouldn't get dressed.

zebra · 20/11/2002 16:16

MY DS refuses to get dressed in the morning, because he's afraid I will drag him off to Nursery. Which I do, 2 days/week, but he starts going just 6 hrs/week, soon, thank goodness! I wish the staying in threat would work for us.

I don't think you were at all out of line, Demented.

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