Anxious parents

[Colourmerainbow]

We have a beautiful 8 month old little girl who is such a happy little soul. But we've become quite anxious about what milestones are usual at this age after seeing other babies of the same age at different groups etc.

Just for a bit of context, our first child had very severe cerebral palsy and sadly passed away at just a couple of months old. We feel unbelievably lucky to have our happy, healthy little girl here, but because of our son's disability and loss it does make us quite anxious.

She has been sitting unaided since 6 months,. She babbles mamama, dadada, bababa, rararara. She can roll (although she will usually roll onto her tummy and then cry rather than roll back over). She has really great fine motor skills and uses her thumbs and fingers really well to pick things up. She's very social, loves people, especially other babies/children She isn't crawling or pulling herself up yet. She isn't really showing many signs of crawling yet either I don't think.

I know that this is still normal, but we really don't know what the usual milestones are for this age and because our son sadly never met any milestones at all, it just leaves us panicking a bit.

So we're just wondering what is usual for 8 months, and is there anything we can do to best support her development. We really appreciate your help.

I’m so sorry for your loss and it’s totally understandable that you’d be anxious.

However, that sounds about right development wise, but all babies are different. My first crawled at 6m and walked at 12m, my second was 10m and 16m. They’re so different, but DS2 isn’t behind or anything to worry about. My first didn’t string two words together until over 2 - he’s fine now at 3.

Try to just celebrate when your baby does hit the milestones but not hyper fixate. Have either of you received any counselling to process your loss?

Sorry I hope it wasn’t insensitive for me to mention the two? The point I’m making is that you can’t compare babies at all.

Hi @Writeandroll not insensitive at all! I really appreciate you sharing your experience.
It's really helpful to hear others own experiences of their own children.
We are still receiving counselling currently as DS only passed in 2021 and as we were lucky enough to be pregnant with DD 9 months after his death, we withheld the counselling until she was born.

Could you ask if your area does the 9 month check and 2 year check with the health visitor? That might put your mind at rest.

She does sound lovely and right on track but can totally understand that anxiety.

Do remember that when you compare to other babies, you'll notice the things that other babies are doing that your daughter can't yet, but you probably don't notice or realise that there will be things she is doing that they aren't doing yet because it's harder to notice a lack of something, and because it is surprising to see other babies doing something new to you.

Development doesn't happen in a specific order, so while baby 1 might do skills A, B and C, baby 2 might do skills B, D and F and baby 3 might do skills A, C, D,E. They are all on track for their age but their profiles look quite different. There has to be delays across a whole area for there to be any concern. DS1 learned to crawl before he could sit up! But there was nothing wrong and he just did things in a different order.

@BertieBotts I'm not sure actually! We do see the health visitor regularly, but it does feel sometimes that they are worried about adding to our anxiety and we often get very generic answers. Thank you for explaining it the way you have, it makes a lot of sense and you are right, we never look at the skills she can do and others are still working on. Thank you 🙂

It sounds as though development is spot on to me, I am trained in early years and like you was very anxious as kept comparing my son to all of the children I have cared for in the past. Something I found really helpful was downloading the EYFS it is the curriculum used in nurseries and marking off everything he could do, I found he was doing things I hadn't even really considered a milestone and it really helped, also showed me a few areas that I could help him with. There is the full version and a shorted version that has tips on how to help your child learn how to do these. It goes all the way up to school so I still use it now.
If you are really concerned your health visitor might also be able to help.
Xx

@heartbreakhotel20 thank you! I will take a look!

I am so sorry for your loss - it is understandable that you are feeling anxious.

My 3 DDs all developed skills at a totally different rates and times - and they were siblings being brought up in the same house and with the same parentage!

It would be best if you could try and concentrate on the things that she can do - and they all sound delightfully normal! One of my DDs barely spoke till she was well over 2 and we had a few anxious moments. She is now a highly educated professional woman working in a high-powered job for an international company.

I hope you will b able to quell your worries so that you can truly enjoy your DD.

@Mischance thank you!