Tears every nursery dropoff

[TwinkleStarWhatAre]

Need some advice!

My just turned 3 year old has recently started nursery. She’s never been away from me at all so I knew this would be a big thing for her. She goes 2 days a week for about 5 hours each day.

Settling in session was 2 hours and she was very happy. The first proper session she was really excited but apparently after 3 hours she got upset and wondered where I was 😭 On collection I gave her lots of cuddles and explained that mummy always comes back and will pick her up after lunch.

3rd session was fine, excited to go and very happy on pick-up.

The week after in the morning she just started saying she didn’t like nursery and crying. I kept everything really happy and upbeat, abut how much fun she was going to have, etc but nothing really worked. Handed her over crying which was sad, but I know you’re supposed to have a quick handover as they settle quicker.

I called up 30 minutes later and she was perfectly happy eating cornflakes. She was then super happy and fine on pick-up telling me how much fun she had.

We’ve had 3 sessions since and it’s the same every morning, if anything getting worse. She’s always so happy on pick-up, telling me how much fun she’s had. But now in the morning as soon as I wake her up and tell her it’s nursery day it’s just crying and screaming and fighting getting ready.

She’s got photos of us at nursery and she now brings her teddy with her each day but it’s not making much difference.

Is there anything else I can do to make it easier?

Keep going!

It does get better. You have to develop a bit of a thick skin as I promise they're fine within minutes of arriving.

Be positive and happy on the way in, nice snuggle goodbye then turn and leave. And they'll whip her in and distract. Brutal but you have to be. If you show any weakness, hovering or lingering looks it will be worse for her.

It's worse for you than it is for her.

If also distract and avoid about telling her the day's plan upon wake-up if it's starting that early.

Could someone else drop her off for a while e.g. Dad or Grandparent to avoid the separation from you at the nursery door? But otherwise you just need to push through and develop a thick skin. You know she’s happy there and enjoys it so I wouldn’t be worried! It’s just one of those transition things and given she’s only there 2 days a week it’ll take a while for the routine to become familiar.

Hang in there OP. This part is really hard but it will get better soon.

I agree. Keep going. It will get better. We still have the odd day of tears, but it does improve with time.

Thank you everyone. It’s so hard to see her crying like that. I have to carry her screaming to the car!

I was thinking whether or not to tell her about nursery on wake-up. I thought it’s better so she knows what’s coming so we don’t spring it on her, but you’re right it might be best to not say anything until we’re literally about to go out the door.

I feel such a bother calling up nursery to check on her every time and she’s always absolutely fine!

Mine was 13 months when he started nursery so much younger than yours and he took whole three months to stop crying during drop off. He was fine of course when we left but the drop offs were hard initially. So hang in there and, since your DC is much older, it might take months before she goes in without crying. It's all normal though.

Also, understandable completely if you don’t want to do this but my eldest was so much better with 5 short days (9-12 and home for lunch). Thankfully we never much upset but she was really confused about the weekday routine. My 2YO does 2 days at the moment and is also struggling with confusion, although we have it the other way around so he gets upset when we go out to drop his sister at school and don’t take him to nursery! Come September he’ll be doing 5 mornings and I think it’ll be good for all of us.

Some. like my DD, are just door criers. She's been at nursery for two years full time! She has normally stopped crying by the time they have actually got to the door of her room, and I have never had any concerns that she isnt happy there at all, the staff are wonderful and she is always happy in picsture updates and when I see her playing at pick up.
Its not that shes upset to go to nursery, shes upset at the transition of saying bye to mummy. I think its a habit now tbh!

This, with knobs on