Really difficult baby - struggling mum

[Lilybsx]

Hi, my 10 month old has been a ‘high need baby’ since day 1. She’s breastfed which obviously has put a lot of the pressure on me 24/7 which I’m fine with as was something I really wanted to do, however she’s becoming increasingly difficult.
she’s naturally had a very close bond with me (as she should) but since about 10 weeks old would cry if anybody else held her. I thought in time this would get better. It’s gotten worse!
if anybody tries to look at her, touch her, feed her, play with her she screams and screams. It’s so difficult as even my husband can’t settle her. I’m back in work soon and she’s starting crèche and I’m so worried how it will ever happen.
she’s generally pretty miserable too, in the house all she does is climb up me whinging but when I pick her up wants to go back down and screams and crawls after me constantly if I leave the room. She hates the car, has started to hate the pram.
doesn’t sleep well is up wanting the boob every 2 hours so I’m exhausted, if my husband tries to go in and settle her she screams the house down.
my eldest was never like this, she was so pleasant and happy. I’m really struggling to see light at the end of the tunnel at the moment, everyday feels like Groundhog Day of trying to pacify her and I’m just really not enjoying what should be a precious time.
mainly, I’m just looking for other mums who have had a very high needs baby and hoping you can tell me it gets better soon? :(

My first was what I thought was a High Needs Baby but I later discovered that he had undiagnosed Tongue Tie.

I have every, and I mean every sympathy with you. He's now the most placid and lovely Teen. There is hope @Lilybsx

Sleep train. She sounds over tired, as do you x

Bite the bullet and night wean. Honestly I would have lost my mind if I hadn't. Ds was 9 months. Slept through on the third night...

This sounds really tough. I remember 8-10 months being the hardest. How long until bank to work? Would you think about weaning from breast to allow you a break? Also time to adjust for her before you return to work and try to get used to others settling her? Have you spoken with HV? See if they can offer advice around forming relationships with others.

You sound utterly exhausted and definitely need a break

That sounds...no fun at all.

Have you spoken to your GP or HV (mine are much older now so can't remember if they have a HV at this age!) to rule out anything that might be causing her discomfort?

I don't have much specific to add but can tell you I went through some truly hopeless periods with both of mine, I felt drained and useless and miserable. It did get better, they're both lovely young people now.

I'll watch this thread in case you just want to vent ❤️

DD1 was like this! She’s now 3 and brilliant in every way.

Yes yes yes to sleep training and night weaning. Or even day weaning if you want/ can.

Has she reflux or silent reflux?
Any signs of CMPI?

I think your husband needs to work on his skills in resettling her. I know it almost physically hurts when they cry but you need to not be the solution all the time. I would make sure you get out for 3-4 hours every Saturday and/or Sunday so they can work it out together.

I breastfed all mine, and it’s great and it can feel like it solves everything….. It can also feel horribly claustrophobic for you though.

In terms of nursery, they will manage, they’ll have had babies like her before.

Night wean. She doesn't need feeding at all overnight at 10 months, let alone every 2 hours. Her sleeping won't improve until you do. She's probably exhausted too.

My ds went from a miserable little buggar to the most amazing baby. Sleep deprived had frankly made him a monster..

Agree with others, I'd try to find the underlying reasons she's miserable as that doesn't sound normal. I'd start by sleep training, once my DD started sleeping better she was soo much happier.

If you did want to night wean, and you may not do, I would remove yourself from the equation.
You will smell of milk and it’s harder to do. Your husband will need to settle her at night instead.
I would get him to do more in the day first, and then prepare for a week with minimal sleep. He might need to book leave if, working without much sleep, is an issue.

I would also speak to your HV again and although it sounds strange to do at this age, offer a dummy.

Thanks so much for your replies. I have taken her to the GP to rule out anything underlying (she’s perfectly healthy and thriving) and also discussed with HV who to advised regarding night weaning to see if it improves sleep.
I feel so bad moaning because obviously I’m so grateful she’s healthy and I’m so lucky but it’s just like Groundhog Day everyday at the moment. Husband works long 14 hour shifts so he’s rarely here so the pressure of having a baby attached to me 24/7 is a lot.
l think I’ll definitely start night weaning, I just find the crying so stressful I feel like she’s totally my responsibility which I know she’s equally my husbands but it just doesn’t feel that way, hope that makes sense.
when did it start to improve to anybody who’s experienced this? I’m hoping by a year she’ll just suddenly go to anybody and be a ray of sunshine 😂 xx

Night weaning won't change anything. Something is making her so unhappy from day 1!

Chronically overtired more than likely - as is mum

Dr Jay Gordon's night weaning method is very gentle but he doesn't advise doing it until they reach 12 months.

Have you read the No Cry Sleep Solution? That helped us. How is her napping? If her naps aren't good, I'd start with those instead. Try the No Cry Nap Solution first before you tackle the nights.

Wishing you luck @Lilybsx

Naps are crap too to be honest. I’m so busy all the time with my eldest that it’s really hard resettling her constantly for them. I try and follow wake windows as much as I can but it’s difficult being restricted when I have school runs, clubs with my eldest etc. I don’t have anybody to help do these so I can sit at home while she sleeps. If she naps longer than 30/40 mins that’s pretty good for her which i know isn’t long enough x

I feel pretty silly reading this cause I feed my 17month old multiple times through the night and if he doesn't get it he is MAD. So I just continue on. 😳

💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐@Lilybsx Just wanted to say I have been there. I can’t remember how I survived, but I did and you will too and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Definitely read the No Cry Nap Solution then @Lilybsx

I think by that age my DC2 was having a nap on the way back from the school run and then one just after lunch. That seemed to fit in with DC1. It's much harder to get get DC1 to fit in with DC2 isn't it?

So much harder! With your first you can just follow babies lead… with second it’s just constantly on the go. My brain hurts lol x

I had a similar baby first time around. I empathise completely - my DH works away a lot and it is so so hard.

After trying many other things….I night weaned and sleep trained at 9 months with the help of a sleep consultant. We did cry it out. It was very hard to remain consistent, but we got longer sleep durations from night one and by night 5 she had 12 hours sleep, no crying, no waking. Best thing we ever did!

Baby was immediately much happier and smilier during the day as well. I think she was as exhausted and desperate as I was!

DD is 8 now and we have a fab relationship. No ill effects. Good luck with whatever you decide.