Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Father going after custody?

12 replies

Benandjs · 20/04/2023 00:52

DD 16 is my second child. I had my first child to someone else when I was a teenager. And then I’ve had children with someone else since then. DD hasn’t seen her father since she was a baby. He lost parental rights in court and then we moved away. I’ve had mental health issues her whole life and said things I regret and been shouty, and from that she decided she was going to go and find him. They’ve been in contact with my knowledge and she’s even been to live with him as she wouldnt be told no and threatened to tell people what I’ve been like. She soon found out he was full of crap and has come back to live with me and now knows I’m not as bad as she thought. He's still the abusive and neglectful twat he always was but has become a master at manipulating people into thinking he is an amazing person. Whilst she was with him she told him how I’ve been. Now he knows I’m fragile and he wants to go after getting her back. DD doesn’t want this but It’s been a long time and I’m worried the courts would take this into consideration even though he still abusive just better at hiding it. What are the chances of him being able to do this. I can’t sleep properly

OP posts:
Aylestone · 20/04/2023 00:59

Dear lord. Your DD’s father abandoned her, but you were so horrible to her during her childhood that she immediately jumped ship, and moved to be with him as soon as she could to get away from you. Where she quickly discovered that he was even more abusive to her than you were. So she moved back to you. And now you’re worrying whose abuse was worse so you can keep custody? Have I read that right?

HamBone · 20/04/2023 01:08

Would custody really be an issue for a 16-year-old? She will legally be an adult in under two years anyway.

Original poster
Benandjs · 20/04/2023 01:11

No you haven’t read that right. All parents shout and get cross with their children I have had my own issues on top. it’s not ideal but I wasn’t abusive

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

16 year olds Families Family law General parenting
MintJulia · 20/04/2023 01:18

OP, stop worrying.

The courts will take what your dd wants into account. She isn't the only teen who has moved to live with a Disney dad, only to find that she actually prefers life with her full time, not perfect but reliably always there mum.

And even if the courts did rule in his favour (which they won't), she could just come home of her own accord. He can't lock her up and the police won't force her to go to him. She is too old to be forced.

I hope you get some sleep. xx

Aylestone · 20/04/2023 01:20

Benandjs · 20/04/2023 01:11

No you haven’t read that right. All parents shout and get cross with their children I have had my own issues on top. it’s not ideal but I wasn’t abusive

That’s complete bollocks. And it’s a massive red flag that you think that ‘saying things you regret and being shouty’ her entire life is normal. I’ve shouted at my children on occasion when necessary, and when I say on occasion, I mean over 15 years of child rearing I can remember every single time it’s happened. I’ve never said something to them that I’d take back. We’ve ALL got issues on top that don’t excuse us being abusive to our children. My children would be horrified if I told them they had to leave me and move in with their dad who abandoned them. Yours went gladly

MrsH1983 · 20/04/2023 01:23

If you are in England or Wales, Child Arrangements Orders are only in force until a child is 16 unless there are exceptional circumstances.

Upon that basis, there would be no case to even start as your daughter is 16 so past the age for the court to enforce contact. It's basically her own decision now.

Flatandhappy · 20/04/2023 01:26

She is 16, if the Courts are anything like they are here (Aus) she would be an adult before you got to a final hearing. Tbh once kids hit about 14 I would never advise a parent to get into the expensive lengthly court process unless there was serious, provable, abuse involved. Do you have any idea how high the burden of proof is? Shouting, saying nasty things is obviously not ideal as you have said but it is not going to get classed as abuse (some people may not like this but I am talking from a legal perspective). Your ex is obviously trying to wind you up, please try and ignore him.

KhakiHedgehog · 31/03/2024 22:09

Hi,

Any advice would be appreciated. I have a 3year old. The dad has been prison for DV and section 18 with intent and still on probation. I am convinced he is narcissistic, he is an alcoholic and drug addict. Crashed his car numerous times due to it. He comes to see his child when suits him sometimes just turning up. I have tried co parenting but get consistent abuse, I have tried having him to my house but he always shows aggressive behaviour punching his fists infront of my child, letting my child play with dog food to see what there going to do. I have tried meeting in public places like soft play but he left my child to nearly fall, others had to get her. He tells my child f**k your mum, waves all his hands around and threatens to knock me out infront of her. I am really struggling with what to do for my child’s best interest. I do not want her in a car with him due to his alcohol and drug problems and car incidents and I worry about him with my child on his own. He has lost numerous jobs due to violence and shouting loosing his temper infront of people he does not care who is around and whether my child is there witnessing it. I have thought about supervised visits but don’t know how it works, I am worried he will show a good impression then be able to have her on his own and act out again.

RosieTheChi · 31/03/2024 22:16

If you are in England or Wales, court orders are only made up to the age of 16. Court wouldn't even entertain this

RosieTheChi · 31/03/2024 22:19

RosieTheChi · 31/03/2024 22:16

If you are in England or Wales, court orders are only made up to the age of 16. Court wouldn't even entertain this

Sorry just realised this is an old thread

Hoplittlebunnyhophophopandstop · 31/03/2024 22:24

KhakiHedgehog · 31/03/2024 22:09

Hi,

Any advice would be appreciated. I have a 3year old. The dad has been prison for DV and section 18 with intent and still on probation. I am convinced he is narcissistic, he is an alcoholic and drug addict. Crashed his car numerous times due to it. He comes to see his child when suits him sometimes just turning up. I have tried co parenting but get consistent abuse, I have tried having him to my house but he always shows aggressive behaviour punching his fists infront of my child, letting my child play with dog food to see what there going to do. I have tried meeting in public places like soft play but he left my child to nearly fall, others had to get her. He tells my child f**k your mum, waves all his hands around and threatens to knock me out infront of her. I am really struggling with what to do for my child’s best interest. I do not want her in a car with him due to his alcohol and drug problems and car incidents and I worry about him with my child on his own. He has lost numerous jobs due to violence and shouting loosing his temper infront of people he does not care who is around and whether my child is there witnessing it. I have thought about supervised visits but don’t know how it works, I am worried he will show a good impression then be able to have her on his own and act out again.

You need to start your own thread to get advice otherwise people won’t see your post.

KhakiHedgehog · 01/04/2024 18:54

im new to this, how do I do this please?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page